Babe, I truly honor your role as their father!

Sometimes I think that I'm the bomb.com when it comes to mothering.  I can be funny, stern, engaging, hilarious, loving and so much more all while doing laundry, cleaning the house, preparing meals and working outside the home. On more than one occasion, I must admit, I have looked at my husband and thought, "I could do this without you".  Oh come on Ladies, don't get self-righteous on me.  If you're married and have children,  I'm sure there have been times that you looked at the amount of work that you do around the house and compare it to what he does.  Many times it seems that you are working your butt off and he is chilling. But today I have a totally different perspective of his amazing role in the lives of our 2 boys.

Last Wednesday, our 15-year old son had ACL surgery. (SPORTS!!!) On Thursday morning, my husband had to fly out of town for a few days.  I didn't mind it though because it gave me an opportunity to do what I love to do and that is  'mother'.  For 2 full days I had his meds timed, transported his CPM machine between the living room and his bedroom, made sure he was eating, held on to the back of his shirt as he maneuvered on the crutches to the restroom, rubbed his face and just loved on him. (Thanks to all our family and friends who picked up the younger son, carried him back and forth to school and kept him entertained. And thanks to those who came and sat with us or brought us food.  It meant so much!)

My husband flew back in town yesterday and all of a sudden I noticed a shift in Chandler's attitude.  He was a little more talkative.  He got up on the crutches and moved around a little more independently.  At the end of the night, he wanted to get on the CPM machine for one more hour, so I set it up in the bed.  While I was in the shower, I heard my husband moving around... Chandler was ready to go to sleep and he helped take him off the machine.  I was shocked....someone took my job. (I almost didn't know what to do.) This morning I woke up to the sound of crutches in the bathroom (or so I thought).  I jumped up, put my robe on, scurried around to make sure that I moved the rug off the bathroom floor so he wouldn't trip.  Well wasn't I surprised when I looked in the bathroom and he wasn't there?  He was lying in the bed, under the covers.  He was just smiling from ear to ear, when I asked had he just been walking.  He said, "yeah Mom I had to use the restroom".  Had I slept through him calling my name or did I miss the beep of the phone signaling that I had a text message?(That's how we communicated, instead of ringing a bell.)  I just stood there bewildered and said, "oh good for you Babe".  When I asked if  he was healed, all of a sudden since Daddy had come back in town, he said "I'm progressing Mom".  Oh okay then, still dazed.  Then he said, "oh and guess what Mom...Dad took me off the machine last night and I'm ready to get back on it now".

Once I left him in the room to go prepare breakfast, it made me think.  Dad was able to pull something out of him that I was unable to.  When he needed to be doctored, mothered and babied... I was the one.  But there came a time that he decided that he wanted to try some things on his own, he felt the confidence of his Daddy in the room which gave him more confidence to get up and move.  WOW!  I wasn't offended, but it made me appreciate how the presence of my husband actually affects the boys.  Dad didn't have to say anything special, he was just there!  Even after sending my husband off to church this morning, he is walking around the house on the crutches, has washed up for the day, put on clean clothes and has even begun to do some homework. (HW only after my strong persuasion, of course.)  He's regaining his confidence and smiling the entire time as he moves about.

Let me encourage you...

If you're a father, whether you're in the home or not of your children, please recognize that what you bring to the table is vital for your children's self-assuredness, growth and development.

If you're a mother and not with the child's father, please find a positive male role-model, coach, teacher, etc... for your son or daughter. They need to see life through a different lens and from another perspective.

Now I still might squawk a little bit when the tasks around the house become burdensome.  But then again, I might just sit back, get a glass of wine and allow my husband to do it.  He may do it slower, on his own schedule, and not the way I would do it...but I must honor his efforts and respect his role in our home.  Although it's December, I must say thank you and Happy Father's day to my husband.  Your presence means the world to ALL of us in this home.  Thank you for giving me 2 beautiful sons who will grow up to be strong African-American leaders and lovers of God.  Years from now when a reporter shoves a microphone in their face, after they've accomplished some wonderful feat, not only will they say" thanks Mom", but they can say "I'd like to thank both my Mom and Dad". (I just know they better say my name 1st.  I'm just saying....you know who the boss really is.)

Life is a journey and I really like the people on my immediate path.  My hope is that you will be able to experience the same joys.   Even if your family is set up differently from mine, you can still create an environment with people whom you love and trust, so that your children will appreciate every viewpoint that life has to offer. They will be better because of it.

Now walk it out...

My Dudes!

SCREAM!

Does your life seem like an open book?  I know mine surely does.

Sometimes I feel like God allows me to have specific life experiences, both good and bad, to "grow me up".  I also believe that many of these experiences aren't even about me, but God wants to bless someone else through my story.  If this is the case, then why am I so quick to hold onto my truth, in hopes to shield it from the opinion of others? 

The catch is we all must steady ourselves not to focus on others, but rather to focus on what God is trying to say to us and accomplish through us.  When you begin to think this way, it is easier to let go of the pride that would banish us to silence.  Our honesty could allow us to ask for help when needed. Then once we receive that help, it becomes our responsibility to share that with someone else.  I believe that many times we stay stuck in the pit way too long and it's simply because we refuse to scream out for help.  There are individuals specifically assigned to come to your aid, but they can't find you because you are allowing your mouth to remain closed.

I encourage you to be honest with yourself, open up your mouth, SCREAM for help, receive the ministry that is given and share it with others so they too may be blessed.

Remember what you are experiencing now may not be about you.  God ultimately wants to get the glory out of your life.

Now walk it out...

I hadn't realized the leaves had changed until the tree had fallen

Last week, we celebrated Thanksgiving.  My husband and I cooked for more than 20 people and had an amazing time entertaining guests the entire weekend.  The only downfall to the holiday weekend was that we were hit with torrential downpours and eventually an ice storm.  We were lying in bed on Saturday morning and heard a sudden crash...it was the sound of the tree outside our bedroom  window splitting and falling to the ground.  (Thank God, it didn't damage the house.)

Throughout the day, we heard the crackling of tree limbs and watched, cautiously, as the wires crossing our backyard began to droop under the weight of the ice accumulation.  Thousands of people across the city, lost electrical power and trees lost limbs as the freezing rain continued to fall.  It wasn't until Sunday morning as I drove to church and again this morning as I walked Arby, that I noticed the leaves on the trees had already changed.  The leaves were so brilliantly colored.  Shades of ruby, violet, chartreuse, cocoa, cherry, turquoise and hazel all intermingled on the ground.  They were so beautiful!  The colors were so intense and immediately I felt a tinge of disappointment.  I wasn't disappointed because the limbs had fallen, but my heart sank because I realized that I had missed the changing of the season.  

Everyday I drive or walk along the same street lined by massive trees and I hadn't noticed the leaves had changed their hue.  It immediately made me stop to think what else I had been missing.  What things had I skimmed over because I was moving too quickly?  What cues had I missed to signal that I was embarking upon another season?   What cues have you missed?

Are you traveling along the same streets and missing the signs?  Are you going through life without recognizing the tiny joys and the beautiful shades that cover your personal landscape?  Are you so busy trying to get down the street of life that you have completely missed the trees and shrubs that line your path?  

• The laughter of your children?
• The hug of a friend?
• The smile of a stranger?
• The touch of your lover?
• The note of encouragement?
• The unexpected phone call? 

Have you missed it all?

Think about it!  Why are we constantly rushing through life, trying to reach our academic, financial and social goals; but missing the tiny details and crucial life experiences that were sent to make us recognize the beauty of God?  It's not too late to make a change!  You don't want to wait until a storm comes and the tree splits before you realize how beautiful it really was.

Be thankful for the few friends who are consistent in your life.....let them know that you appreciate them.

Be gracious and helpful to the senior citizen whom you see struggling to walk down the aisle...offer a cart or maybe your arm to help steady them.

Be mindful when you spend time with your children...recognize that 5 minutes of your undivided attention means a lifetime of your child knowing that you care.

Be present when your lover touches the small of your back....it might not be about intercourse but rather the touch symbolizes a form of intimacy and connection.

Be open to wisdom of others....they might save you a world of bad decisions.

Take time to notice every pigment and shade: brown or toffee-colored; green or mint; orange or apricot; red or cerise; yellow or lemon; blue or ultramarine.  Each color is vibrant and original and carries with it its own story.  Don't miss the message.  Don't miss the opportunity.  Don't miss the joy.  Relish every interaction.  Recognize each opportunity to grow.  There's still enough time to recognize the pulchritude of the leaves before the tree actually falls.

Now walk it out.............. and notice the leaves.

You are NOT your situation! You're so much more!

A few weeks ago, Courtland jammed his middle finger playing basketball and then injured it again the following week.  RICE... rest-ice-compression-elevation was our prescription once the x-ray determined that it was not broken.  I purchased a finger splint for him just to make him feel a little more comfortable and to prevent re-injury.

I noticed that he had begun wearing the splint and it was becoming a crutch.  If he would take it off around the house for a moment, he would go into a conniption if he couldn't find it before going out.  The whole scene was beginning to get old!  On Monday afternoon, I was picking him up from school and found him in one of the rooms finishing his homework.  I sat there with him as he finished and watched as he pulled the splint off and on.  He noticed that the splint had begun to smell after wearing it for so long.  I suggested that he take it off and begin squeezing a tennis ball to work on his flexibility. (We were still using ibuprofen for the residual swelling.)  He looked at me strangely and with doubt in his eyes; but the more I talked about the benefits of moving his finger he was willing to let the splint go.  That was Monday and this is Friday and he has not looked back since.  It made me think how he had begun to rely on the finger splint because he really thought that he still needed it.  The splint, however, no longer served any purpose (except by being a germ incubator).

That moment made me think about how easily we fall into the trap of living out of our hurt and pain.  We collect the titles of illness, misfortune and heartbreak and wear them like a badge.  We adapt our lives to accommodate the splint that we've grown accustomed to, without realizing that it is beginning to smell foul and is affecting those around us.

Think about it....

• You lost your job and now you feel inadequate which causes you to lash out at others.
• Your relationship ended and you immediately found someone else to take your mind off the hurt, not realizing that you are not giving them the full YOU because you don't know who that really is.
• You received the diagnosis and immediately started coughing, hanging your head and dragging your feet because of what the report said, Not because you actually felt sick.

So many times we act out of habit and societal norms.  If something sad happens, then surely we are to be sad.  If something hurts us then somehow we are now justified to take it out on those around us.  If we receive a disturbing phone call, it somehow should affect the rest of the day.

But what would happen if we actually began to act the opposite of what is normally expected?  What would happen if instead of jumping from one relationship to another, we'd actually take time to love ourselves first?  What would happen if after we received the report, we'd begin to thank God for our healing? What would happen if after losing our job, we'd actually work on rebuilding our resume and maybe enroll in school for another degree?

Sometimes it's easy to pick up the negative labels, but I challenge you to trample the label under your feet and stand tall.  You are NOT your situation!  You don't have to wear the label and badge of disappointment because God has created you for more.  Put on Deuteronomy 28:13 that reminds us that "you are the head and not the tail'.  Speak life over your situation and begin to "call things that are not as though they were".

I am Peace.
I am Joy.
I am the embodiment of Christ.
I am  fearfully and wonderfully made.
I am unique.
I am blessed.

Now recognize that you are not what you're going through...... be willing to change the label and
walk it out............!

You can't eat table food, if you're developmentally only ready for breast milk

I must share a bit of what I shared with a woman's group earlier today....a group in which I once held an officer position.  It's a testimony about moving when God says move, rather than participating in something because you've always done it. It's a testimony about how God still shows His mercy and allows a window to close on you, even when you refuse to close it yourself.  I've written about dancing in the hallway before and I've mentioned about faith in God when I left my job this summer.  This testimony is about my being transparent...honest with God, myself and others as God is building my faith muscles.

Here is a portion of the letter of encouragement that I shared with my Sister-friends. Please make sure there is a purpose for everything that you do!

Dear  _____________

If you have ever read my book or consistently follow my blog posts, then you know that I am literally an open book and tell all of my business. LOL. God allows me to use everyday situations, some sane and others totally crazy to minister to me and ultimately to others.  Whether I’m walking the dog, interacting with my family, gazing up into the sky or lying in the bed thinking, God talks to me and shows me another side of myself as I ascertain the different aspects of His love.

So why, when addressing my Sisters, would God to talk to me in any other way?  Prayerfully my transparency will minister to you and allow you to see another side of yourself and a different perspective of God’s love.

Back in March, God spoke to me and told me that it was time to leave my job.  WHAT??!!!  Are you crazy?  Honestly, things were becoming slightly uncomfortable for me in the office, and I didn’t realize that this was God’s way of slowly moving me out of that position.  (He knew that I was in so deep and so comfortable that I could have stayed there for many more years… just wasting time.) I was still going to teach my classes for two separate departments, but the part time office position that afforded me “play money” and the bulk of the boys’ tuition was going to be gone.  I’ve trusted God before and I knew from past experience that He would provide. (He ALWAYS does.) At the end of May, I said goodbye to a job that had been my home for the past 7 or 8 years because I believed and still do believe that God has created me for more.

It’s amazing though because as I was making physical moves, God was touching my heart and shifting my mindset.  My downfall was… I began to search things out on my own in attempt to make up that ‘money’ difference, but every door remained shut.  I had shut the door on one thing and expected God to move me quickly through the next door…but the next door was closed as well.

Me: Lord I know you didn’t bring me out in the hallway to leave me here.  I did what I thought you wanted me to do and I’m still in the hallway.  Pay my tithes and continue to be faithful, but I’m still in the hallway. Continue to be a light and encouragement to others, but I’m still in the hallway.  Crossed all my T’s and dotted all of the I’s, but I’m still in the hallway.

God:  Baby-girl, I guess you better figure it out until the next-door opens then.  In fact, I can’t even open the door because you’re not ready to walk through it.  There are some things that I need to teach you in the hallway.  There are some lessons that you need to learn in the hallway.  There are some old habits that you need to break in the hallway.  There’s quiet time that I’d like to spend with you in the hallway.  So the hallway can be a place of annoyance for you or a place of acceptance.  The hallway can be a place of pain or of peace; a place of complaining or a place of constant communication with me; a place of refusal or a place of refuge; a place of hurt or a sanctuary of healing.  It’s up to you Girl, what you decide to do while you’re here in the hallway.  The length of time that you’re in the hallway depends on how you react to the challenges that I place before you.  I don’t need your skill set to move you forward, all I want is your surrender.

Me: Okay God, I get it now.  So I guess I better learn how to dance. Excuse me while I go get my cutest high-heeled shoes because I’m ready to praise you and dance right here in this hallway. (Lawd knows, I love a cute heel.)

So that’s what I’ve been doing Ladies, I’ve been dancing in the hallway! And God has been revealing Himself to me.  I’ve been saying yes to some things and slowly walking away from others.  I’ve been cutting the fat and feasting off of the lean meat. (And we all know the fatty part of the steak is what gives it flavor.)  Honestly I have been fighting it since May, but I am learning to surrender my will to His.  I had saved my money to pay my dues and every time I was going to pay it, I needed it for something else.  So I’d put my coins to the side again, only to have to use it for something more pressing.  I thought I had to save face and just be a part of the organization because that was expected of me, but God quietly whispered, “Is this how you want to treat me in the hallway?”  And yes, I kept fighting back.  I hadn’t been able to do it myself, but God pulled the trigger by letting the bylaws of the organization end my participation.  Time finally expired for me to pay, but the next morning I was so relieved!  (I know that sounds crazy, but it is so true.) It’s just a part of my hallway experience!

I am not sad. I am not frustrated. I am not bemoaning my decision. (Pardon me, His will for me.)  I am learning to listen. I am building my faith muscles.  I am trusting God more and not relying on my connections.  I am preparing my heart and mind, as God is custom designing what’s on the other side of the door for me.  Correction…He already has what He wants for me on the other side of the door…. He’s just been waiting for me to grow up so I can handle what is through the next opening.  (There is nothing worse than giving a baby table food when he/she is still only able to digest breast milk.)  Let the church say….Amen!

So there it is Ladies, that’s my story and my hallway experience.  Too much information?!...too bad that’s just me.  I don’t know whom that was for, but I felt lead to share it with you.  As you are moving, working, growing and raising families, remember to keep your ear in tune to God’s voice.  God has created you to be a blessing to the people who have been placed in your path and there are some things that will only be accomplished if you decide to step up and do your part.  So live my Sister and if you ever find yourself between two doors and can’t find your way out, I challenge you to make the decision to dance in the hallway.  Drink the milk now and grow strong healthy teeth so God can prepare a feast before you and you're ready to take a bite!

Now walk it out...

UNPLUG THE OVEN.....it's way too hot in here!

This past Friday night, I cooked dinner and my husband decided to try a new pie recipe.  He makes the best sweet potato pies ever, but wanted to try sweet potato/pumpkin pie. (I'm telling you he really thinks he is Chef Boyardee.)  We were off to a late start, so the pies (2 deep dish) weren't done baking until 11 pm.  My microwave is situated over the oven, suspended underneath the cabinet.  There is a mechanism that helps the microwave to protect itself from too much heat exposure. If the oven gets too hot, there is an exhaust fan that immediately switches on inside the microwave and diverts the excess heat through the venting system in the ceiling. Normally, once the oven is turned off and gradually cools down the exhaust fan cuts off. 

Once the pies were finished, oven shut off, pies placed on table to cool, I snuck a piece of pie and journeyed into the bedroom.  After lying in bed and watching TV for a while, I needed a glass of water and had to go back to the kitchen.  I noticed the kitchen was still pretty warm and the exhaust fan on the microwave was still engaged.  Strange!  It had been nearly 45 minutes, so surely everything should have cooled off by now.  I turned the knobs on the stove to make sure they were all off and they were.  But when I opened the oven door, a gust of hot air nearly singed my eyebrows.  It was HOT!  Immediately I yelled for Byron and he rushed into the kitchen trying different things to shut the oven off.  Since it was after midnight, it was too late to call our handyman, so we searched the computer search engines by typing in “my oven won’t shut off”.  We received several things that could be wrong and found varying responses about the temperature apparatus gone bad and the like. They all suggested things that needed someone skilled to address. One response caught my attention though…it said to UNPLUG the oven. I did just that and called Oklahoma Natural Gas just to be sure that I didn’t have to worry about the gas line that went into the back of the oven.  After receiving a favorable response from them, we opened the kitchen windows (err on the side of caution), PRAYED and went to bed.

We didn’t need the oven on Saturday, but I wanted a bowl of Cream of Wheat on Sunday morning.  I decided to plug the oven back in, cook my breakfast cereal on the stovetop quickly before the oven could fully heat back up.  It worked and then I UNPLUGGED it once again.  For Sunday dinner we had our mouths set on stuffed roast chicken, so I turned the oven on once again, roasted my chicken and turned the oven back off.  This morning, I decided to make sausage egg burritos for the boys, before sending them off for school (that’s their favorite).   I plugged the oven back into the wall socket, cooked my sausage, combined the eggs, toasted the flour tortillas, grated the cheese, rolled the tortillas, UNPLUGGED the oven and called the boys for breakfast.

Hopefully today we’ll the oven fixed or replaced, since we’ve already informed our handyman.  But it got me thinking that sometimes we are like the oven that just won't turn off and continues overheating. So many times we’ve been caught up in situations, that if left uncontrolled, could potentially overheat,  cause a fire and damage everything around it.

·      A job where you’re unfilled because you’ve outgrown it….overheated.

·      A relationship that you keep trying to hold onto even though you know it serves no purpose and is unhealthy…overheated.

·      Family members that you keep trying to save, although they refuse to participate in their own liberation…overheated.

·      Worry and stress…stress and worry…more worry and more stress……..overheated.

·      Doing things that keep you running around busy, but not productive…overheated.

Becoming overheated may show up differently for each of us, but we know once the heat inside is too much to handle it has the potential to damage things around us.  In times like this, you must UNPLUG.  Perhaps you can’t permanently fix the situation that caused you to get overheated, but you can simply UNPLUG for a little while.

• UNPLUG from gossip.
• UNPLUG from the fatalistic view of yourself.
• UNPLUG from the Superman or Wonder woman persona.
• UNPLUG from draining conversations.
• UNPLUG from unhealthy relationships.
• UNPLUG from groups or organizations that take up too much of your time without yielding anything.
• UNPLUG - UNPLUG – UNPLUG

Once you’ve unplugged for a while and everything has cooled down, you have several options; you can plug back in on your schedule, fix the broken piece or completely replace it.  Only you can decide what is expedient for you.  The point is…you do have an option.  No one will force you to make the decision; it’s totally up to you.  The only time that you should stay plugged in consistently, is when you have control of the thermostat and can adjust it on your terms.  Until then just stay UNPLUGGED.

Now walk it out…

DON'T BE A MUD WALKER !!!

This is Arby.  Twice a year, we usually have him shaved because his hair grows beautifully and then it sheds everywhere.  I've noticed that he is usually a little feisty after his grooming session and takes a day or so to unwind. (Hopefully shaving him is not a traumatic experience.  Perhaps he's a little self conscious of what people think of his new "do". You know how you feel when you try a new hairstyle....you are just waiting to see what everyone's response will be.  Even if you are the most confident person, you still want someone to like it.)

When I brought him home the first day, he went in our backyard and rolled around in the grass for a few seconds.  Maybe he was so used to having lots of hair and wanted to actually feel the small blades of grass tickle his back.  Perhaps the shampoo and conditioner were too much to handle and he just wanted to feel a little dirt again.  I even considered that this was his way of rebelling against the whole idea of getting cleaned up and he was exercising his autonomy. (Okay, let me move on before you think I'm a little crazy trying to figure out what is going through the dog's brain.)

This morning we set out for our early morning walk/run. (I'm glad to say that I can jog halfway and not be totally winded....YAY me!) I had noticed before that there is a particular area that always stays muddy.  I can't tell you the last time that it rained, but this area is ALWAYS wet.  The ground and sidewalk around it slopes, so I think it's like a run-off area that easily collects water.  During our walks, I constantly noticed Arby prancing along the sidewalk, and without fail when he would reach this particular area, step off the sidewalk and into the muddy spot.  Are you serious dude?

We've been walking consistently for months and every time that we reach this spot he does the same thing.  (He's like that child who hasn't met a puddle that he or she didn't like.  Gotta step in and splash!)  Well the other day, I decided to do something differently by retracting his leash as we approached this area. It worked!  Arby didn't pull, he didn't tug....he simply continued prancing on the sidewalk by my side.  The next day, the same thing.  Today, we began our walk along a different path so I'd have a long stretch to jog part of the way, but I use this familiar path as our warm up or cool down.  The 1st lap around, I retracted his leash and he avoided the muddy spot.  The second time around, I noticed that there was a police officer driving by and I decided to wave. (I do this so they will get used to seeing Arby and I, and if I'm ever in trouble they will notice a difference and come check on me.)  So as I was waving, I was not focused on Arby and didn't realize that we were approaching our 'spot'. I waved, but didn't retract the leash.

Can anyone tell me what happened next?  Come on people...you know it!

You got it........Arby stepped in the mud.  Ughhh!  Mud splashed up on his freshly shaven belly, his tan paws were now black and as he pranced back onto the side walk he deflected mud onto his back.  Hello son, I paid good money to have you cleaned up!!! You better believe that as soon as we got back home, I wiped the dirt off and cleaned him up again.

But then I started thinking, Arby isn't that different from us, when we make a decision to step back in the mud and get dirty.

• You said that you want to lose weight, but when everyone goes to bed, you raid the refrigerator...MUD WALKER.
• You said that you were breaking up, because he or she was not right for you; but when you got lonely, you made that infamous "booty" call...MUD WALKER.
• You know that your spouse doesn't like for you to talk to that person, but you continue to troll their facebook page and sometimes send an instant message...MUD WALKER.
• You said that you wanted to change your life and were going back to church, but when Sunday or Wednesday night comes you find an excuse to keep from going...MUD WALKER.
• You committed to going to the gym three times a week, so one day you stayed for 3-hours and haven't been back in a month...MUD WALKER.
• You said that you wanted to start your business, but have not taken the time to educate yourself and develop a strategy...MUD WALKER.
• You said that you wanted to be a more mindful parent, but the last time your child really needed to talk, you were too busy gossiping on the phone with your friends...MUD WALKER.

Does any of this sound familiar?  I'm sure it does, because I have just stepped on my own toes as I was typing!
Okay so now that we know that we've been mud walking, how do we change the behavior?  It all starts with restraint.  But not restraint within our own power, it has to come from a source outside of ourselves until we are strong enough to handle it.

Let's go back to Arby...

He and I will continue to walk that path, but I have to re-train his brain whenever he approaches that area.  Even now, I know that I can just click the leash and he knows that I'm telling him to do something differently.  However, because this is a stronghold for him, I will physically have to restrain him by retracting the leash, which is a sign to him that he needs to stay close to me.  I don't know how long it will take, but I know from past experience that he is easily trainable when I am consistent.  So for the next week or two, I will have to retract the leash and affirm him ("good boy") as we pass this area.  Maybe I'll jog when I approach, so his attention his refocused and he doesn't have time to lollygag and find his way back to the mud.  The point is to help him change his behavior by redirecting his focus.  The hope is after we have done this for a while, he will no longer desire to return to the muddy spot, because I've created a new experience for him.

The same goes for us...

It's time to create a new experience and write a different narrative so we won't go back to our old muddy ways.  You need a power source outside of your own strength.  Perhaps you need to begin your day with prayer.  Perhaps meditation works for you...just sitting quietly for 5-10 minutes to clear your thoughts.  Maybe you can get an accountability partner who will exercise with you.  Buying healthy snacks that you can eat in the evening, might keep you from opening that refrigerator door. Blocking your old friend from your FB page, so you're not tempted to follow up just might do the trick.  Have a plan that you will use for those times when you're weak and want to answer the booty call.  Make a decision to turn your phone off when you're spending quality time with your children.  Volunteer to pick someone up for church, who doesn't have a ride, to guarantee that you'll go.  Maybe you need to hire a coach, someone to encourage you as you write your business plan and move into action.

Don't be too hard on yourself, the retraining of the brain is not easy but it is doable. Consistency is key!  And for those times that you do step back into the mud, just know that God loves and wants the very best for you.  God, your accountability partner, your coach, whomever you've enlisted to help you, won't let you stay dirty.  You can always get cleaned up and start all over again.

Now walk it out..............but please STAY OUT OF THE MUD!

Begin the day with prayer!

I posted this on Facebook this morning:

Began the day anointing my boys with blessed oil. Praying over their minds, bodies and souls. They closed their eyes as I prayed and took it all in. We usually pray in the car, on the way to school, but I felt the urge to stop and lay on hands this morning. We are raising strong, courageous, saved African American young men who will be leaders and world changers! ‪#‎workinprogress‬ ‪#‎bemindful‬ ‪#‎beintentional‬ ‪#‎lovemyboys‬

So many times we run out of this house and forget to connect to the people who bring us joy.  Praying over your family doesn't cost you a dime.   The blessed oil was already in my medicine cabinet from my father's last visit.  (He brought it from my home church in Philadelphia.)  My  husband had already gone to the garage to pull the car out, but I felt a tugging in my spirit to pause for just a moment.  As I anointed their heads and rubbed their shoulders and legs ( they both had been complaining of hurt "something" due to sports and plain old growing pains), they bowed their heads and did not fuss.  I believe that they appreciated what I was saying to God, on their behalf.  

If you have children, stop and let them hear you pray over them.  It encourages them and they will remember the words if they get frustrated during the day.  The blessing is not in the oil, the blessing is in the realization that there is a higher power source than us and that we can go to this source for strength.

Perhaps you don't have children....so what.  You know a neighbor, a niece or nephew, a friend's child, a grandchild, someone in your church or civic organization who needs to hear someone pray over them.  

• Your voice can soothe a troubled mind.
• Your voice can keep someone from giving up. 
• Your voice can give someone confidence in God.
• Your voice can possibly save a life.
• Your voice can liberate a generation.

So, I invite you to use your voice and speak well of and pray over someone today.

Now walk it out.....

Happy Birthday Mommy

HI MOMMY!

How's it going up there in Heaven?  Did someone wake you singing Happy birthday?  If not, please allow me. (Insert birthday song here, Stevie Wonder version.)

I am choosing to celebrate you today. 

• I'm going to remember your silly grin that you would do when it was time to take a picture. ( I realize that I turn my head to the side, purse my lips and act really silly when it's time to take a picture too....I guess I got it honest.)
• I will remember your praying hands when you'd rub my back and assure me that everything would be alright.
• I will remember how you used to prance in those heels and shout across the front of the church, after leading a song or directing the choir. ( I think Daddy used to watch from the Deacon section, thanking the Lord that those legs were going back home with him.  I'm just sayin'...)
• I'm going to remember your applesauce raisin cake.  (That's probably why I could eat raisins and applesauce all day.)
• I will remember your words of wisdom dipped in the Holy Spirit.  Your words were so poignant and piercing to the soul.
• I will remember the times you and Daddy came to our home and poured so much love into your grandchildren. (The boys and I were talking about you on the way to school this morning.)
• I will remember how whenever I was sad, you would say "get a pillow and squeeze really tightly...that's me hugging you Baby".

Today, I will think of all things Nelda!  And if I cry, it will be tears of joy that God thought enough of us to share you with this world.  Anyone who came across your path, were blessed to have been in your presence.

So happy birthday Mommy! I would say RIP, but that would be ridiculous for us girls.  Girl, strut your stuff today and enjoy praising God. ( I know your heavenly shoes are the bomb.)

If you dance for me up there, I will dance for you down here.  Love you Suga Booger!

Now walk it out...

What happens when you've come to the end of your rope?

I'm sure you've heard this saying, "When you come to the end of your rope tie a knot and hold on".

Yeah that sounds good, but what happens when you are beginning to develop rope burn on the palms of your hands?  You were swinging and waiting on God patiently but He didn't answer immediately.  Yet you kept the faith, although you could feel the blisters forming on your hands. The friction of squeezing the rope requires all of your attention.

Do you remember doing pull ups during P.E. class?  The instructor would tell you to stand up on the spotting chair and then pull yourself up on the bar.  This didn't seem that difficult because you realized that you could always go back and feel the spotting chair at the tips of your toes.  Whenever your arms would grow weary of the up-down pull up motion, you could always go back and rest on the spotting chair.  But do you remember how you felt when the chair was taken away and you no longer had the security of feeling it under your feet?  Initial fear and then determination to pull yourself up, once more.

Well I imagine the end of the rope in similar fashion.  It was fine when you had the comfort of something.... heck anything, under your feet.  But what happens when all of your options seem to be slowly dissipating?  The knot has been tied at the end of the rope, but the palms of your hands have blistered, calloused over and are now bleeding. The nerve impulses in your muscles have lost their firing capability, rendering you helpless and unable to pull yourself up again.  Your rotator cuffs are in excruciating pain, due to the weight of your body.  Your back is arched, your feet are dangling and toes are pointed, searching for any sign of the spotting chair.   Your head is hanging backwards into the locks of your shoulder, your face is cold and damp due to the stream of endless tears and it seems like the spotting chair has been taken away forever.  There is no back up plan, no Plan B, no more options...all you can do is literally hang, as your body convulses as a result of the incessant sobbing.

As you hang suspended in the air, all of your other senses are now on high alert.  Although your eyes are closed trying to catch the tears before they fall,  your ears and your spirit become a little more in tune to what is happening around you.   Sshhh, did you just hear that?  I thought I heard the Lord speaking...it sounded like Psalms 46:10, "Be still and KNOW that I am God".
You didn't hear that?  Well try listening with your spirit this time.  Deutreronomy 31:6, "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic... For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."  

So even as you hang there, suspended in mid air,  God has not forgotten you.  In fact, He is wondering why you insist on acting in your own strength.  I can imagine him scratching his head, just waiting for you to stop those fruitless efforts that are only causing more pain and fatigue.  I hear him saying let go and let me guide you.  Almost like the parachuting expert who takes a beginner along.  The beginner has to open his or her arms in surrender to the expert, as the pull of gravity brings them both down and the skill of the expert helps them to land.  You have no control over where you will land because the expert assumes all responsibility.  All you are required to do is relax and enjoy the ride.  

Allow the wind to blow in your face and open your eyes to see all the things that God wants to give you when you land. (The Earth is the Lords and the fullness therof, Psalm 24:1.)  

So what do you do when you've come to the end of your rope?  Forget the knot, forsake all spotting apparatus and simply surrender to the expert.  He knows exactly where He wants you to land.

Now walk it out.......when you reach the ground, of course. 

From Faithfulness to Favor

I’m reminded of the song, I've Got a Testimony by Rev. Clay Evans:

“As I look back over my life and I think things over

I can truly say, that I’ve been blessed I’ve got a testimony”

And boy do I have a testimony...

We’re flying first-class from Los Angeles after Byron officiated the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Russell Westbrook.  We were surrounded by a number of NBA players, superstars, multimillionaires, yet they all had to stop and listen to this Pastor/ Preacher from Oklahoma City.  All ears were attuned to the illustrious words of love and wisdom spoken by a little boy, born on the west side of Chicago.  He’s the same cat who went to Morehouse College in Atlanta from Homewood Flossmoor High School in Illinois.  The same dude who worked in a little church in South Philadelphia (while I was in Podiatric Medical school) and was called to pastor a church in Oklahoma City, spoke into the life of a man and his wife.   He’s the same brother who motivates hundreds of students on the campus of the University of Oklahoma, yet still finds time to be there for both of his sons and all of their school and sporting activities.  Byron is the same guy who serves as chaplain for the Oklahoma City Thunder NBA franchise and pours into the lives of these young men.  He is the same guy who is called on, from all around the City, to participate on this panel or speak at that church.  He is the same one who wants to see relationships grow and be strengthened, so he offers counseling and an annual marriage retreat. 

Why am I telling you this?  One, because he’ll never tell you that he does ALL of those things and so much more.

I’m telling you about him because I want you to see firsthand, that God can use your gifts and talents to bless your home.  He has never wanted to be a mega pastor or see his name in lights, but God is doing that thing.  Why?  Because he has been faithful!  From the moment that I met Byron, he has been faithful to using the gifts that God gave him.  He is a dynamic preacher, teacher and orator! Though sometimes appearing argumentative, his style, skill and technique of speaking a word into your life will simply draw you in.  After talking with him, you will begin to believe God for the impossible in your life.  Byron believes God for you and encourages you to see and experience the riches and fullness of God for yourself. 

When you are true to yourself and to what God has called you to be, He alone will begin to make room for you.  There is no room for “copy-cats”, ONLY originals here!  I encourage you to stop and perform a self-evaluation, as you walk into the things that God has for you.

·      Recognize the gifts that God has given you.  Be thankful for the little nuances that he placed inside of you that distinguish you from others! 

·      Never compare your success to the success of others, because none of us actually knows what they had to sacrifice to get there.

·      Be confident that whatever God has placed inside of you can grow and be developed until He is ready to unleash you on the world.

·      Don’t rush God, be patient!

·      Take pleasure in your platform now and be ready to move into the next arena when God opens the door.

·      Did I say…stop comparing yourself to others????? (It’s pointless.)

·      Be faithful to the work that God has placed in your hand.

·      Be careful not to despise small beginnings.

·      Embrace where you are right now.

·      Be true to yourself.

I know that God has something in store for you for your faithfulness, just like I am confident that God will continue to open doors for Byron as he walks in his calling.  It’s amazing to see God begin to open doors that he never even had a desire to go through. 

Let me encourage you to “stir up the gifts” that are inside of you and be faithful to whatever assignment God has given you.   I Corinthian 2:9 says, “Eyes haven’t seen, nor ears heard, neither has it entered into the hearts of men the things that God has prepared for those who love Him”. 

Now embrace your gifting and walk it out…

God is requesting an EARLY morning audience with me!

Good morning God. It's 3:50 am and I have not been able to go back to sleep.  You probably want to talk with me, so here I am.

God I thank you for this EARLY morning session.   God I thank you because you desire an "audience of one" with me.  God I thank you because I'm your child and you KNOW me and my desires. God I thank you because despite all my mistakes and shortcomings, you still love me and want me to prosper and be in good health.  I am simply grateful for this time with you.

Lord, I ask that you would remove every anxiety.
Remove every fear.
Remove any judgment.
Remove any doubt.
Remove any thing that is blocking me from activating my faith.

And even as I pray those words, I am reminded that you are a gentleman and you're not going to take anything away from me that I don't GIVE to you.  So pardon me God and allow me to rephrase.

Lord I GIVE you my anxieties.
I GIVE you my fears.
I GIVE you my judgments.
I GIVE you my doubt.
I GIVE you everything that is blocking me from activating my faith.

As I seek your face and not your hand, I will rest in the assurance that I am the beloved of God.  And because I know that I am your beloved, I will walk a little differently.  I walk with my head up, knowing that my confidence is NOT in me but rather in YOU.  Shoulders back, arms swinging at my sides, toes pointed forward, eyes set on my future, abdominal muscles engaged and mind made up.  I am a child of the King!

Just like my children, when we walk into a store, know that I have money.......they walk with a confidence that they can ask me for anything they want. ( Although they might not always get what they want at that time, for various reasons....they still have the gumption to ask.) Sometimes I have a firm NO, but if it's the correct time, I break down and give them exactly what they ask for.  This morning I walk in that confidence and I make my petitions to you God.  Instead of just asking though, I am going to "call things that I do not see right now, as if I already have them" . (Romans 4:17 paraphrased)

God I thank you for favor for the job.  God I thank you for touching the heart of the interviewer right now.  God I thank you that although others may have applied, when he comes across my name something is going to catch his attention.  Even if I am NOT the most qualified, his heart will be pointed toward me.  I thank you for full benefits.  I thank you that will allow me to use my gifts and talents to bring you glory.  You created me to worship you, so I will worship you in everything that I will do.  I don't have to preach my beliefs, I just have to walk in them.  Thank you for bringing light to every situation that you place me in.

Maybe your prayer goes a little something like this...

God I thank you for healing.  Thank you for touching the hands of the doctors, nurses, technicians, specialists and even janitors that will come before me in the doctors office, the hospital or dialysis center.

God I thank you being a lawyer in the court room.  Thank you for hearing my petition and for pleading my case. Thank you for touching the judge, lawyers, bailiff and jurors that will hear my case.  I walk in the confidence that truth will win.

God I thank you for my children.  Thank you because they are the head and not the tail.  Thank you because they are leaders and not followers (even if their shyness doesn't allow me to see it right now.) Thank you for keeping them safe as they go to school.  Thank you that no evil will come near them.  Thank you for removing any distraction that would keep them from doing and giving their best.  Thank you for the patience that will allow me to watch them grow and develop as they begin to walk into their own knowledge of you.  Thank you this prayer of covering and protection.

God I simply thank you for this morning time with you.  Thank you for giving me the words to pray, even for my brothers and sisters.  Thank you for giving me the language to help them articulate to you what has been weighing on their hearts.  Thank you that you love me (them) enough to use me (them) for your glory!

God I thank you because my anxiety is GONE!
God I thank you because my fears are GONE!
God I thank you because my judgments are GONE!
God I thank you because my doubt is GONE!
God I thank you because the things that were blocking me from activating my faith are now GONE!

It's amazing what prayer can do!!!!

So God as I close, thank you for the peace and reassurance that I can rest in you.  I don't have to try to figure it out.....you have already worked it out!

Now walk it out....... 
(I'm walking it back to the bed right now... I technically have 2 more hours before the alarm clock goes off)

Jesus, be a Nail Tech with Solar Nail Gel

On my birthday, I posted a video and mentioned that I was letting go of solar nails (acrylic....same difference) because I wanted to allow my nails to breathe and be my authentic self.  My authentic self has short brittle nails and it drives me completely crazy sometimes.  For this reason, over the years I would get a nail overlay because my nails would not grow without this help. I decided to go with simple gel nail polish, so at least the color wouldn't chip away immediately.
After soaking off the solar overlay, we filed my original nails down and applied gel nail polish....so cute.  Although my nails are short, they look pretty because the polish is so vibrant.

You know that's not all though, right?

One day later, I picked something up and realized that my right index finger nail was bending a little too much.  Upon further inspection, I noticed that there was a small crack in the polish...NO two cracks!  One at the tip and one on the side....are you kidding me?!  Well I've been looking at those cracks for the last few days and even tried applying nail glue.  Well 30 minutes ago, it finally ripped.  It didn't break, nor did it chip.....it flat our RIPPED!  That's how brittle my nails are.  My 1st instinct???.....GET UP AND CALL THE NAIL SHOP FOR AN EMERGENCY APPOINTMENT!!!  What did I actually do (after a few choice words...."dog bite it")?.... I began to laugh.

What was so funny?  I just realized that I was being totally unrealistic.  I expected my natural nails to withstand all of the pressure that an acrylic overlay could withstand.  When in fact, my nails were never strong in the first place......I was simply covering them up.  Week after week, month after month, year after year I had been covering up my natural nails and pushing it off as if it were the "real thing".  In order for my natural nails to get stronger, I will have to regulate my diet, perhaps take a vitamin E pill and be certain that I wear gloves when I'm cleaning or washing dishes.
I have to take care of my nails and protect them if I want to see any growth!

But isn't that the same with everything??!!

So many times in our lives we send our "representative" when we are dealing with people and then after some time the "real you" comes out and scares everyone because we can no longer cover up our true identity.  We play "church pretty", yet will cuss someone out in a heartbeat if they cross us.  We put on fake smiles when we know that we are really crying and hurting inside.  We play the victim, because we enjoy the attention that it gives us without taking time to realize that there is actually a victor inside.

So my questions to you are...

What are you covering up?
Why are you covering it up?
What would actually happen if you decided to uncover it?

I will not insult you and say that it is going to be easy to uncover some things.  In fact, it will probably get worse before it gets better.  My nails are so brittle right now that they will probably continue to rip & tear until the nail root produces more nail cells and I allow the keratin (the protein which makes the nail hard) to do its job without any interference from the acrylic.  It might be a slooooowwwww process, but it will happen IF I nurture it.

It's the time and nurturing that will cause your dead situation to come alive again.  It's the nurturing of your mind with positive thoughts that will help you to see the "brighter side" of every circumstance.  Its the nurturing of your soul that will allow you to realize that you are connected to a God who wants to see you flourish. It's the nurturing of your body, through proper diet and exercise, which will allow you to lose those extra pounds.

At the end of the day, you must nourish your authentic self.  It's time to live from your core and not merely skim from the surface.  The core is where you find your connection with God.  If the core is healthy, chances are the outer expression of the core will be healthy...producing healthy relationships with yourself and others.

I invite you to check out the YouTube clip http://youtu.be/VYODJxKlOmY  of my birthday message and begin living your authentic self from the core.

Now walk it out......

(And quietly walk right past me, if in 2 weeks you see that I have acrylic nails again....don't judge me...it's a process!)

Sometimes it's better to walk alone

I enjoy walking our family dog, Arby and I think he enjoys it even more.  Since I've been more consistent with walking him daily, any time he sees me putting on sneakers, he gets really excited by wagging his tail and running to the door.  He equates gym shoes, work out pants and my fanny pack with going for a stroll.  A while ago, the Lord told me to use our walking time to pray and talk to Him.  This was great for me because it covered two objectives:  I was able to talk with the Lord and exercise, at the same time.

Well today,  I missed our early morning walk and it wasn't cool enough to take him out like I often do in the evening.  Around 3 pm, I couldn't wait any longer and needed to get outside and start moving.  I wanted to be alone and talk to God.  I have been waiting on a phone call for a few days and I was getting tired of checking my phone to see if I had missed a call.  (It was pretty pathetic. You know how it is when you are expecting someone to call, you know that you didn't hear the phone ring nor did you hear the notification from your text messaging or email. ) Periodically, I kept turning the phone over, pushing a few buttons only to come to the realization that I was tripping and the phone had never gone off.

I began to get a little annoyed at my own behavior and decided that I needed to unplug, so that I could reconnect. (You'll catch that later, I'm sure.)  Anyway, I told the boys that I was going for a walk WITHOUT Arby and I set out for my hike.  Since Byron was working at the church, I decided to walk to the church (about 15 blocks).  I walked, I sang, I prayed and praised God.  I remember Mommy telling stories about people walking in off the streets of Philadelphia just to come inside the Garden of Prayer Church to pray.  So I told the Lord, " I'm walking towards you".  Well wasn't I surprised when I turned the corner to the church and didn't see my husband's car. (A usual 3-minute drive turned out to be a 30 minute walk.)  When I called his phone, he was at the house sitting in the kitchen and was shocked when I called him because he thought I was in the bedroom.  Too funny!  We had missed each other!

Of course, he offered to come pick me up but I decided to walk back by myself.  Your girl was committed! I took a different path home, until I reconnected to the area where Arby and I usually walk.  It was at that time I realized that it was good that I had made this journey alone.  If the dog had been with me, he would have gotten tired and thirsty and would have slowed my pace.  He also would have drawn attention to us.  You know what it's like when one dog sniffs another dog's scent in the air...total chaos and loud barking.  Arby, although a good walking companion, would have been a distraction or hindrance to me.

I was encouraged that I had chosen the option of traveling alone.  That time was for me to clear my head, get away from my phones imaginary beeping, talk to God and not have to corral anyone along.  56 minutes later than when I had begun, I was stepping back onto my porch.... sweating, legs burning and thirsty BUT refreshed.

Let me encourage you to drop the dead weight and end the meaningless conversations.  It's great to have friends and people to share your thoughts, feelings and emotions with, BUT sometimes you can gain a better sense of clarity when you're all alone.  When it's just you and God...no excuses, no distractions, no opinions from others.  Had I been walking Arby, I would have missed my opportunity to be totally present in my heart, mind and soul.

Be comfortable with living in your own space.
Be confident with listening to your inner voice.
Be cautious of those who always want to be around you... they might actually be slowing you down.

Set your own pace and walk it out......(ALONE)

Just in the Nick of Time

I want to give you the lyrics to one of Mommy's songs:

Just wait on God, He'll be right there
Just wait on Him, be assured that He cares
Don't go ahead of Him, but don't fall behind
Just wait on God, He'll be right there......Just in the nick of time.

Whatever you've been asking God for... believe that it's already yours.  Your belief, however, does not dictate God's timing.  Part of the process is in the waiting!

While you wait...read, pray, confess and speak victory over your situation.

Be careful not to focus on what you don't have, but be thankful for ALL that you do have.

God has not forgotten about you and you have not lost His favor!  So hold your head up high, sit your shoulders back, release the tension in your neck, hold your stomach in, tuck your pelvis under and walk into the room as if you already have the victory. 

Confidence in God looks good on you!
Peace in the middle of a storm looks good on you!
A smile on your face looks good on you!
Joy in your spirit looks good on you!
A skip in your step looks good on you!
Your hands outstretched and raised in praise looks good on you!
The posture of humility on your knees before the Lord looks good on you!

My darling, regardless of what the situation looks like at this particular time, please remember:
You are the beloved of God and He's got you covered!

So wait on God and rest assured that He'll be right there...just in the nick of time.

Now walk it out.............no please excuse me........"strut your stuff!"