Monday, October 22, 2018

Are you living on cruise control? And how's that working for you?

     Have you ever felt like you were living your life on cruise control?  You set a certain speed a while ago and now you are moving aimlessly throughout life, trying to keep up.  Cruise control, in a car, works best when you're on the highway traveling, if it's a pretty simple terrain and not too many other cars around.  It works best when everyone is traveling at a similar pace.  As long as you keep steering and the car is under control, you are moving along just fine.  Let's say that you set the cruise control to 70mph, the car takes over. and operates at that speed.  If the terrain shifts and you now hit an upward hill, the car senses it and begins to accelerate temporarily in order to maintain an average speed of 70.  In like manner, if you are now traversing a downward hill, the car will decelerate accordingly.  Again, this works on the highway when you are alert and able to flow with traffic.  But cruise control is not your friend if you're tired or if there's too much traffic on the highway.

     Each year there are so many automobile accidents because the driver set the cruise control, but fell asleep at the wheel, rendering them unable to give the car a different command.  So the car simply continued cruising and the lulled driver never realized that the traffic had slowed, there was a sharp turn was ahead or that the terrain had changed.  Before you know it, the car and the driver have gone off the road.  The reality is most of these accidents end tragically and take out more than just the driver of this car. This type of tragedy occurs not because the driver was intoxicated or was a distracted driver, but simply because the driver was comfortable and allowed the car to operate on cruise control.

     But how many of us have set our lives up like this?  We've been following the same patterns day in and day out and not much has changed over the years.  The kids are fine, the marriage is fine, the job is fine so we keep doing the same things over and over again.  We 've grown accustomed to operating out of habit, rather than moving with a set goal or purpose.  We missed the exit or the opportunity to get off and travel on a more scenic route a long time ago.  We opt to stay in the center lane and keep up with the moving traffic, even though we know that there is an exit ahead that will allow us to slow down and enjoy the sites.  We know that we need to pause for a moment and refuel, but now we're moving at such a pace that we're afraid to brake and signal that we'd like to get off the highway to take a different path.  I must admit that in my own experience with driving long distances, one of the passengers will say that they need to use the restroom and the driver will drive past a few exits, in an effort to make good time.  It's usually not until the passenger has stated several times that they REALLY need to use the restroom that the driver will finally slow down and pull off the highway.  Now everyone inside of the car is stressed and it usually ends with the passenger jumping out of the car trying to make it to the restroom without embarrassing him/herself. (Yikes...I've been both passenger and driver in this situation.  Now that I stop and think about it....that's not cool at all.)

    We've gotten so used to doing things a certain way that now it's hard to admit that you really would like to change things up a bit and move at a different pace or pull off the highway temporarily.  So the family keeps moving in the same direction, the marriage is maintained, the job is adequate but not meaningful, the finances never change (operating in lack) and relationships don't evolve.  Don't misunderstand me, life is good and manageable, you're still relatively happy, but you've also hit a place of stagnation.  The people (traffic) around you is dependent upon you not braking nor breaking the cycle.  Everyone has gotten so accustomed to you moving, acting, existing at a certain pace that it might be uncomfortable for both you and them to slow down.  You're so fearful to "keep up" that you missed the exit because you were moving too quickly.  You feel the cars behind you bearing down on you and the cars on either side, keeping you boxed in.  You are traveling in the middle of the highway, many times feeling helpless because you feel like you are 'stuck' with no where else to go.

   Well I've got good news for you....

    It takes one decision, one signal, one action to end this trajectory and for you to regain control of your situation. One pause, one idea, one act of bravery to keep from traveling at a speed that could potentially harm you and those around you.  It's time to brake!  I didn't say stop, just tap on the brakes.  In your car, if the car is on cruise control, a gentle tap of the brake pedal signals to the car computer that YOU have now regained control of the vehicle.  This gentle tap forces the car to yield to the decisions and directions of the driver once again.  You can now safely move through traffic at a speed determined only by the driver.

     I believe that's what most of us need....a gentle tap on the brakes to break the cycle.  It's okay for you to want more out of life. It's alright for you to want to slow down and take in the scenery.  It's time for you to regain control of your life and operate accordingly. You think that by braking, you might miss something and will mess up the flow of traffic.  But the truth is, you're probably headed for a crash or burn out because you've been lulled to sleep by operating on cruise control.  You're only doing it because you are afraid to drive purposely again.  In fact, you've been operating like this for so long that you are now fearful of braking and breaking the cycle.  It's time to make a change.

     When you signal that you are changing lanes and moving, it also serves as a wake up call to the people around you to be more alert.  Don't be lulled by the status quo, the normalcy or the expectation of reaching your destination at a certain time.  Take charge and tap the brakes!  Slow down, be deliberate, be contemplative, be mindful and operate with intention, purpose and passion.  You don't want to miss this particular rest stop exit because the next one might not come for several miles.  Don't cheat yourself by going with the flow.  You're destiny is waiting for you!  Your intended purpose is coming up ahead.  Your life's work is calling your name just around the bend, so prepare to exit the busy highway and regain control of your life.  In this instance, cruise control is NOT your friend.  Grab the steering wheel, tap the brakes and regain complete control of your car and signal for the next exit.  Your life depends on it! The future of your family is wrapped up in it!  Your peace of mind is inextricably bound to it!

Now tap it out...

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Fearless is more than my "one word"; it's a journey.

     I may have mentioned previously that FEARLESS is my word for 2018.  And Baby when I say that God has been giving me so many opportunities to practice using this word.  I'm being stretched, but not to the point that it hurts though.  I'm being stretched, muscles lengthened and I'm learning how to breathe in all situations, just like yoga.  It's a slow steady stretching in my mind and in my heart.  I am learning to hear my own voice and not the voices of others who have good intentions, but don't know what God said to me.

     I am excited because I'm beginning to trust ME!  How can I solely rely on others who have never  done what I'm thinking about, but have an opinion as to how I might execute?  In all honesty, it's not really about what others have said, it's more about the little voice that plays in my head that projects my own insecurities onto the situation.  They NEVER said that I couldn't do it or won't achieve it, but that voice of  #littlemissinsecure has a funny way of showing up, which makes me talk myself out of the situation, based on the idea of what someone else might say.  Isn't that the dumbest thing you've ever heard?  Just foolishness! (Afraid of a might....HA!)

You're shaking your head because you know what I'm talking about!!! You've been afraid to move because you're waiting for "all the stars to line up"  or waiting to "get all your ducks in a row".  Well's time to let that mess go.  I'm about to share an excerpt of my sermon that I preached 3 weeks ago.  Here it goes...

~We’ve been stuck in a precarious situation because we expected someone else to get something accomplished for us.    

~We have been caught waiting on a person to act, when we carry the responsibility to do it ourselves. 

~We have been left on the side of the road, watching others pass us by because we weren’t prepared to go any further. 

Not prepared to write the book…waiting on someone else

Not prepared to start that business…waiting on someone else

Not enjoying your single life… waiting on someone else

Not experiencing joy in your marriage… waiting on someone else

Not applying for a new position, when you know you hate the job… waiting on someone else

Not going back to school to finish your degree… waiting on someone else

Sitting on the side lines complaining, & not jumping in the arena….waiting on someone else

Not ready to market your own ideas… waiting on someone else

Someone else to make us happy

Someone else to bring us joy

Someone else to help us out of our financial situation

Someone else to raise how kids

Someone else to motivate us

Someone else to cheer us to greatness

Someone else to drop everything to tend to our needs

Honey, there is no “someone else”…GOD IS WAITING ON YOU! 
God is so funny, because I  really thought I was given that word to bless the people, but I was really preaching to myself the entire time.  When I went back and listened to the sermon on Youtube, I realized that I was preaching myself into a frenzy, speaking my way into my NEXT and preparing myself to walk through the many doors that God has with MY name on it.  God be praised!
 I am really learning to trust God with whatever is to come next.  I'm not rushing anything or trying to please anyone.  I simply want to move and watch God unfold the path direction with every step that I take, without even knowing where the step is.  (I'm envisioning Micheal Jackson in The Wiz, when he is traversing the yellow brick road and the cobblestone blocks light up as he steps on them.)  Yeah, just like that!  
The path won't light up unless YOU MOVE.  The path won't light up unless I MOVE!  Let me just sprinkle a little word on it.....Joshua 1:3 says "EVERY place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you, as I said to Moses".  Or like Martin would say, while stomping his feet around in a circular pattern, "GET TO STEPPIN' ".  (Y'all sometimes I crack myself up. Ha!)
Anyway, let's go through this season of shifting and just be FEARLESS.  Your knees might be knocking as you move, but do it anyway afraid and watch God translate that into Fearlessness.  Let's stay committed to the process as we advance for the Kingdom.  God will get the glory and he'll just give us the opportunity to tell the story.  I'm excited, aren't you?!
So get to stepping and "Walk it Out"..........God's been waiting on you!

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Right where He wants me

Have you ever been somewhere and had no idea why you were there, other than the fact that you believe God intended for you to be there?

That's where I am right now.  I'm here, in a place where I am currently anonymous, yet God knows my story and has set me apart.  I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.


I didn't fully prepare to be in this space, but I feel like I'm sitting at the precipice of a breakthrough, in spite of me.

My job is simply to be open.  Open to the idea that God wants to blow my mind. I will not allow my fears to block what God has in store for me.




Now I must...walk it out....

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

We should be there, but WE'RE NOT!

They said that you should never post vacation pictures when you're out of town.  Well this doesn't count, because WE'RE NOT THERE!

I woke up Monday morning at 5 am to cook macaroni & cheese, fettuccine alfredo,  steamed jasmine rice, sautéed sausage & onions and steaks for the boys to keep in the fridge as Byron and I would prepare to go on our wedding anniversary trip to Cancun Mexico.

Back story:
Byron and I will be married 21 years on Thursday, July 12th.  We decided to go out of the country this year, so when we found an all inclusive adults only resort we were so ready to begin vacation.  We found a deal through a 3rd party, but it wasn't the room that we wanted.  We had fallen in love with a 2-floor casita with it's own plunge pool overlooking the beach.  The 3rd party website only offered a junior suite at the time, so after reading all of the reviews online, we decided to ask for an upgrade once we arrived.

We did our final running around Monday morning and then headed out to the airport.  The flight was supposed to be about an 1.5 hours to Houston, a short layover, then another 1.5 hours to Cancun. Although the flight was full, we had an empty seat between us and slept and watched movies while onboard.  The pilot mentioned weather issues in Houston, so told us to remain seated and buckle up.  "Ladies and gentlemen, it's going to be a bumpy descent into Houston". No big thing... we've  been here before...we could feel the deceleration of the plane, then all of a sudden I noticed we were pulling back up into the sky.  The pilot didn't say anything right away, so I just assumed he was going to circle the airport and try again.  After 10 minutes, the pilot came back on the air and informed us that we were headed to Austin. The weather was too much for him to make the landing in Houston.  Okay, no worries...we'll be back in no time.  Besides we had at least a 1.5 hour layover anyway so we had a little time to spare before we could make our connecting flight.

So we land in Austin, in a remote part of the airport, to sit on the tarmac for at least an hour.  People were allowed to get up to use the restroom, so the aisles were FULL of people standing in line.  The food service had been cut mid-flight due to the bumpy ride, so now people were hungry. They flight attendants gave it to the 1st row and the passengers began passing bags of peanuts & pretzels row by row.  It was hilarious!  We were able to bear it because we believed at any given moment, we'd be heading back to Houston.  I wasn't too worried, because we learned that our connecting flight was also delayed.  Cancun, here we come! 

Austin was the final destination for 1/8 of the plane.  The pilot came on again and said that if a gate opened, he had been given permission to let those individuals off. (Their bags would come later.)  So we moved to an open gate, let the Austin passengers off and sat another hour at the gate.  They had to  do another head count and then told us to get off the plane to stretch and get something to eat.  WAIT...WHAT?!  I'm ready to get back to Houston, so we can be on our way to CANCUN.  After almost 2 hours in the terminal, they were finally ready for us to get back to Houston.  GREAT, only that the flight to Cancun just landed at a little after 6 pm... WITHOUT US.  My heart aches! We missed our connecting flight.

55 minutes later we pull up to Houston and get off to find out that the airline had already booked us for the a 3pm flight the next day.  (Hmmm let's see...our 5 day, 4 night resort stay would now end up being a 2 1/2 day stay.)  Because it was weather related, the airline couldn't pay for our hotel; however, they did call around for us to receive the "distress rate".  Byron is sick at this point and  I am barely holding on but we had to make some calls and decisions.  

1st praise report: 
The 3rd party called the resort for us and they decided to allow us to re-book the trip for another week without losing anything.  In fact, future dates would be cheaper and we would be able to get the 2-floor casita with it's own plunge pool overlooking the beach.  WON'T HE DO IT?!

Byron and I decided to stay in Houston for another night just to get some rest and recoup the day.  I called the airline and was on the phone for 56 minutes before we were disconnected. Nooooo.... I thought I was going to lose my mind. The agent called me back in 15 minutes and I just broke down in tears.
Praise report #2: 
They refunded our entire flight and will send two $100 vouchers for a future trip; we just had to purchase last minute tickets to get back to OKC.  It worked itself out. (No pardon me....the Lord worked it out!)  

Once all of that was done, we went for a swim ( I now have a small doesn't take much.) and now we're resting until we fly back home tomorrow.  It's not Cancun, but we learned a whole lot about patience and trusting God in the process.  The last 2 days have been a lot, but God is faithful! 

So even when the situation looks HOPELESS keep your head about you and trust God.  We sang this song on Sunday:
"I'm expecting great things, I'm expecting great things, I'm epecting great things....great things.
In my life, you do great things
In my home, you do great things
All around, you do great things
Eyes have not seen, but I choose to believe in great things."

I sang it and declared it before I knew we would have this crazy experience...and great things came to pass.  I encourage you to get a song in your heart, sing it to the heavens, believe God... walk it out.

Friday, June 22, 2018

The 11th Day

This has been an amazing 10-day journey.  At times, I wanted to cuss some folks out and at other times I wanted to be coddled.  I didn’t have many cravings, but at times I just wanted to sleep and be alone because I couldn’t explain what was going on internally.  Not only could I sense my body making changes, but I felt the aching in  my brain as I warred with myself.  Remember, I said from the very beginning that I wasn’t doing the cleanse to just lose weight, but rather I was doing it to jumpstart some things in my life.  The cleanse promised a jump-start of 10- 15 pounds if you followed the complete version and then the goal is to modify it and lose 1- 2 lbs  per week.

Here are a few things I learned:

  1.  I am stronger than I actually thought.
  2. Carrots are actually sweeter than a candy bar and they have a great crunch (great, if you need texture).
  3. When you make up your mind to do something, stick to it.  Don’t allow outside forces to deter you from your goal.  Heck, don’t allow internal forces to deter you either.  About the 8th day when I was ready to give it up, I had to quiet the voices in my head that said, “Girl, you’re good… you lasted this long…it will be okay if you just stop…you already feel better anyway”. 
  4.  I realized that I am the sole person responsible for my happiness.  So many times we place unfair expectations on others to love us, encourage us, make us feel important or special.  But that is just wrong!  You’ve got to love yourself first, be your own personal cheerleader and do things for you that make YOU happy.  When you are joyful, the law of attraction will bring joy to you.  It’s not about loving yourself because someone else is not doing it, but rather it’s loving yourself because you are worthy of self-love.
  5. Fasting puts you in tune with your body and your spirit, if you allow it.  There is something that happens when you have to pray and ask for God’s help.  HELP ME LORD… I WANT TO EAT THAT MAC & CHEESE THAT I JUST COOKED FOR MY FAMILY! (that was day 6, Father's day)
  6. It doesn't take a crowd!  I mentioned, in the beginning, that I didn't tell a bunch of girlfriends to join me because I wanted to learn to cheer for myself.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes you definitely need accountability partners to keep you motivated but there comes a time when it's just you and God and y'all need to be in conversation together.  ( I am grateful for my morning gym buddy  to help keep my body moving, but I wasn't going to ask her to join me on the cleanse.)
  7. Now that I've seen results, I want to continue making healthy choices.  It won't be as extreme as the 10-day cleanse but it will still involve at least one green smoothie a day. (Well the next 3-4 days I'll have to be Jesus Junior anyway, so as not to feel sick and bloated. That would kinda defeat the purpose.)
  8. This cleanse was a testament to myself that now I can begin accomplishing some of those other goals that I have:  beginning that next book, clearing up my credit, etc...  There ae so many other things that I must leave unstated, because I don't know what God has in store for me next.  As I continue to be available to Him, I know that He is going to have me doing some amazing things.  (Actually He's probably been waiting for me to get myself together anyway. Ha!)
 Alright that's enough for now, but I will share this news with you.
On Day 1, I weighed in at 216. 4 lbs.  This morning, Day 11, after much prayer and determination, I weighed in at ......drumroll please.....201 lbs.  That's a total of 15. 4 lbs lost.  I'm grateful!  I needed to see the drastic change to encourage myself to reach higher and farther.

So let me turn and encourage are stronger than you can even imagine right now.  Don't allow your past mistakes and failures keep you from reaching forward. (Remember I tried this a few years ago and quit on day 5.) 
Allow yourself to feel the hurt, the frustration, the weariness and move past it! You can do this!

So be encouraged and walk it out.....

Thursday, June 21, 2018

NOW WHAT?!- Day 9 of 10

Today, I found myself in a weird space.

It's the end of day 9 and I have done extremely well. ( I tried to write earlier in the day as I was working through some feeling and emotions.)  I really am proud of myself for sticking it out.  But when I tell you that I thought about just forgetting the whole thing today. The cravings that I didn't have in the beginning, I had them on Day 9.  Like, who does that?

I found myself talking myself off of the ledge saying, "come on Sharri,  just get through today and tomorrow".  I wasn't sad or happy, but it seemed as if my mind was playing tricks on me.  I was congratulating myself privately, while this question simultaneously occupied my brain..."NOW WHAT?".  I know there are ways to gradually return to solid foods,  so as not to eat too much of the wrong thing that would defeat this entire 10-day journey.   But I recognize that there are other emotions that I will gradually need to work through, which may take a little more time.

My body feels different. No I haven't stepped on a scale yet, but the touch of my skin has changed and my stomach appears flatter (bloating gone).  But something else feels different too. This cleanse has conjured some thoughts and emotions that I suppose have been hidden.  Some beliefs that I have concerning myself and others have taken center stage.  I guess I hadn't been "still" long enough to tap into these emotions; but now they're here and I'm saying 'now what?'. 

For me this cleanse was less about losing weight, but more about me gaining control over my eating habits, being mindful about what I was putting into my body and allowing to enter my spirit.  These last 9 days have not only affected my physicality, but my spirit is more open. Not open to others, but open and vulnerable to my own truth.  Oftentimes, I think we spend so much time doing, doing, doing that we lose sight of what it means to authentically BE.

Being happy in your skin.
Being happy with your thoughts.
Being truthful with how you feel.
Being open to the possibility that life has so much more to offer.
Being cognizant of the fact that there is more inside that still needs to be nurtured.
Being aware of who and what you allow to share the same space.
Being okay, with not being okay.  Simply asking yourself  the question "what comes next?" And feeling confident even when you can't answer the question right away.

Hopefully, day 10 will afford me the time to really tap into this question and find the answer(s) that will soothe my soul.

This is a total makeover: mind, body and soul and I'm interested in learning more about what it will take to feed every aspect of my appetite.

Don't be afraid to ask yourself the hard questions and be kind as you search and uncover the answers.

 Now walk it out...

Sunday, June 17, 2018

From Pissed to Praying to Pooping

Well hello there....I'm sure that title just grabbed your attention. Ha!  ( I love what I do.)

As a physician, I consider many of the regular bodily functions that people seem to be so sensitive about as a beautiful part of the human experience.  Anatomy and physiology at work.  It's just wonderful.  Soooooo today we're going to talk about bowel movements.  What in the world?!  Sit tight....there's redemption at the end.

As you know I began my 10-day green smoothie cleanse this I am on Day 6.  One of the things that the cleanse is supposed to do is help you detox your body via the urine or the feces. (calm down's do it everyday...hopefully)  Anyway, before the cleanse I detoxed regularly/daily.  I'd never really had a problem with getting rid of the days intestinal byproducts; however, when I began the stopped.  That was strange to me!  I figured if I was getting all of the nutrients that my body needed, then I should be able to expel without any issues.  In the book it mentions "normal" while on the cleanse could be from 1 to 3 times a day. Well Day 3 showed some promise, but not like my usual.  By day 4, I was typing my concerns in the '10-day Green Smoothie cleanse FB group' asking for help.  Well the book, by JJ Smith, already mentions natural laxatives.  So I decided to try the sea salt drink (basically Epsom salt) the morning of Day 5, but nothing happened except me burping a little.  Then someone responded that I should be sure that I'm drinking half my body weight in water. ( I wan't doing that.)  So I decided definitely to increase my water intake for the day.

Okay, so put a pin there....let me go all the way back to the beginning!

On the 1st day of the cleanse, my husband said that he was going to join me.   From the outset, I knew this was a bad idea!  This time around I'd decided that I was showing up for ME.  I couldn't be his cheerleader when I was struggling myself.  We went to a salad bar for lunch and I actually only had my shake and ate boiled eggs and raw carrots off the bar.

I must admit though that I was immediately pissed!  I was mad at myself for wanting him to join me to my level of expectation.   I got mad at him for not trying hard enough, although I should have understood that he was actually trying to encourage me by joining me on the journey.

On day 3 while I was cooking and smelling my delicious caribbean jerk rice and beans, I drank my smoothie and didn't sample the food at all. (I used Chandler as my food taster and it was good to go.) I was so afraid that if I had allowed the slightest food to get acquainted with my taste buds, I'd be quickly swept into the modified version. I was so proud of myself, but I didn't realize that I was beginning to resent my husband. I wanted him to be strong enough for both of us when it was my time to be strong for myself. No excuses!

Y'all I was going in on him (in my head...never verbalized)  But as many of you know, the conversations in your head are the WORST and they are extremely TOXIC!  When you thnk negatively towards someone else,  you are actually poisoning your body.

Day 5, yesterday, as I rose early to do laundry, I took the saltwater laxative and only burped.  But during the day the Lord reminded me that I said that I was doing this cleanse for MYSELF.  So God was like, why are you tripping over your husband?  Why not pray for him?  Free that man from your unproductive thoughts.  So he and I visited a member in the hospital;  I shopped for Father's day with the boys; and decided that I was going to make a happy Sunday meal with ox tails, mac & cheese and sauteed broccoli and onions.  As the day progressed my emotions changed and the tone of my voice was getting better. ( When I tell you I was being short and tight-lipped previously....I'm serious.  Ugh!  I'm almost embarrassed to admit it.)  That afternoon we attended a healthy luncheon and I carried my green smoothie with me.  I was shocked at my discipline, although the little dessert cup had me thinking really hard. Ha!  I continued in prayer and began cooking last night.  My heart was melting towards my husband because I was shifting my focus. This was never about him, this was about my growth.

Instead of berating him for not doing what i was doing (Remember this wasn't his idea anyway.)  I began to pray "Lord thank you because he's an amazing man and I want him to be here for our children.  Help me to get myself together so I can be his cheerleader later".

As he worked on his sermon last night, I tried to be helpful and ask if he needed anything.  When I finally went to bed, I had a clear conscience.  No more mean thoughts, just utterances of prayer and thanksgiving.

Well this morning, Day 6, after checking the oxtails in the crock pot, I felt a rumbling in my tummy.  I was so excited to leave the kitchen and sojourn into the bathroom.  Deliverance had come!
And about 20 minutes later,  God had a double portion blessing and I was back in the bathroom. Ha!  Come on and tell the Lord THANKYA!

As I stood in the shower, the revelation came.

'Not only were your bowels locked up, but your spirit was clogged because you were holding Byron hostage.  Instead of focusing on what you were doing right, you were being sucked into finding everything that he was doing wrong ( in your eyes anyway).  Just as constipation can poison your body, you were poisoning your spirit by not letting him go and releasing him from your negative thoughts.  Though you never mumbled a word, your spirit was clashing with his and you were being drawn away from him.'

Okay God so you are saying that I couldn't get a natural breakthrough until I  increased my water intake and allowed your Holy Spirit to flow through me for a spiritual breakthrough.

Many of us are sick in our bodies, NOT because of disease but because of our unwillingness to forgive and let people go.  When we hold people hostage with un-forgiveness and bitterness, we are actually creating toxins that are building up in our bodies, which will only harm us.  That pain that keeps creeping up in your body, might be the result of holding a grudge.  That sore that won't heal might be the result of you bringing up hurtful things over and over again to tear another individual down.  Simply can't start pooping until you're willing to start praying! Even if the situation hasn't changed, begin to believe God that it will change.  Begin speaking life and stop throwing darts.  Ask God to give you a heart of compassion and turn in your handbag of rocks that you've been hurling at folks.  Check your bowels and check your spirit. Are they free and clear?  Clear of toxins? Clear of strife? Clear of negativity?  When you increase your fluid intake and begin to pray,  you will rid yourself of the buildup of toxins.  Your body will respond accordingly and begin to heal itself.

So go ahead...if you need to be free... take a mild laxative...increase your water (Holy spirit)  and begin to pray and, too, can go from being pissed to praying and eventually pooping.

Now head towards the bathroom and walk it out...