Sometimes I think that I'm the bomb.com when it comes to mothering. I can be funny, stern, engaging, hilarious, loving and so much more all while doing laundry, cleaning the house, preparing meals and working outside the home. On more than one occasion, I must admit, I have looked at my husband and thought, "I could do this without you". Oh come on Ladies, don't get self-righteous on me. If you're married and have children, I'm sure there have been times that you looked at the amount of work that you do around the house and compare it to what he does. Many times it seems that you are working your butt off and he is chilling. But today I have a totally different perspective of his amazing role in the lives of our 2 boys.
Last Wednesday, our 15-year old son had ACL surgery. (SPORTS!!!) On Thursday morning, my husband had to fly out of town for a few days. I didn't mind it though because it gave me an opportunity to do what I love to do and that is 'mother'. For 2 full days I had his meds timed, transported his CPM machine between the living room and his bedroom, made sure he was eating, held on to the back of his shirt as he maneuvered on the crutches to the restroom, rubbed his face and just loved on him. (Thanks to all our family and friends who picked up the younger son, carried him back and forth to school and kept him entertained. And thanks to those who came and sat with us or brought us food. It meant so much!)
My husband flew back in town yesterday and all of a sudden I noticed a shift in Chandler's attitude. He was a little more talkative. He got up on the crutches and moved around a little more independently. At the end of the night, he wanted to get on the CPM machine for one more hour, so I set it up in the bed. While I was in the shower, I heard my husband moving around... Chandler was ready to go to sleep and he helped take him off the machine. I was shocked....someone took my job. (I almost didn't know what to do.) This morning I woke up to the sound of crutches in the bathroom (or so I thought). I jumped up, put my robe on, scurried around to make sure that I moved the rug off the bathroom floor so he wouldn't trip. Well wasn't I surprised when I looked in the bathroom and he wasn't there? He was lying in the bed, under the covers. He was just smiling from ear to ear, when I asked had he just been walking. He said, "yeah Mom I had to use the restroom". Had I slept through him calling my name or did I miss the beep of the phone signaling that I had a text message?(That's how we communicated, instead of ringing a bell.) I just stood there bewildered and said, "oh good for you Babe". When I asked if he was healed, all of a sudden since Daddy had come back in town, he said "I'm progressing Mom". Oh okay then, still dazed. Then he said, "oh and guess what Mom...Dad took me off the machine last night and I'm ready to get back on it now".
Once I left him in the room to go prepare breakfast, it made me think. Dad was able to pull something out of him that I was unable to. When he needed to be doctored, mothered and babied... I was the one. But there came a time that he decided that he wanted to try some things on his own, he felt the confidence of his Daddy in the room which gave him more confidence to get up and move. WOW! I wasn't offended, but it made me appreciate how the presence of my husband actually affects the boys. Dad didn't have to say anything special, he was just there! Even after sending my husband off to church this morning, he is walking around the house on the crutches, has washed up for the day, put on clean clothes and has even begun to do some homework. (HW only after my strong persuasion, of course.) He's regaining his confidence and smiling the entire time as he moves about.
Let me encourage you...
If you're a father, whether you're in the home or not of your children, please recognize that what you bring to the table is vital for your children's self-assuredness, growth and development.
If you're a mother and not with the child's father, please find a positive male role-model, coach, teacher, etc... for your son or daughter. They need to see life through a different lens and from another perspective.
Now I still might squawk a little bit when the tasks around the house become burdensome. But then again, I might just sit back, get a glass of wine and allow my husband to do it. He may do it slower, on his own schedule, and not the way I would do it...but I must honor his efforts and respect his role in our home. Although it's December, I must say thank you and Happy Father's day to my husband. Your presence means the world to ALL of us in this home. Thank you for giving me 2 beautiful sons who will grow up to be strong African-American leaders and lovers of God. Years from now when a reporter shoves a microphone in their face, after they've accomplished some wonderful feat, not only will they say" thanks Mom", but they can say "I'd like to thank both my Mom and Dad". (I just know they better say my name 1st. I'm just saying....you know who the boss really is.)
Life is a journey and I really like the people on my immediate path. My hope is that you will be able to experience the same joys. Even if your family is set up differently from mine, you can still create an environment with people whom you love and trust, so that your children will appreciate every viewpoint that life has to offer. They will be better because of it.
Now walk it out...
My Dudes!
