Togetherness: 40_day family focus

I woke up early this morning to wash clothes, tidy the house a bit and sit quietly before the rest of the house awakens in a thunderous fashion. I'm sitting here drinking a cup of tea, enjoying a tiny piece of stillness and I just noticed what it said on the mug.  FAMILY...laughs together...stays together...celebrates together.

I'd like to add to that.

FAMILY...

• cries together
• prays together
• exercises together
• reads together
• eats together
• figures things out together
• gets on each others nerves together
• does silly things together
• can achieve great things together
• tries to figure out life together

Last week, our family was together on spring break and I realized that I needed to be totally present with them, so I turned off the laptop, in order to fully focus on them.  Sometimes we get so caught up in our routine that we forget what is really important...our FAMILY.  It doesn't matter what your family looks like, if you are in a...2-parent home, single-parent home, grandparent and child, husband and wife, or it's just you and the dog...this is your family.  Since you have to live with these individuals, why not make the most of out of your time together.  My husband and  I realize that we only have about 4-5 more years before our older son leaves for college.  Yes, the same fat-cheeked, thick-thighed little baby that I used to put in a onesie and kiss on legs, who is now taller than me will soon be off to college.  Then four years after that, his younger brother who had the skinny legs and arms and extraterrestrial fingers, who now rocks a mohawk and is the fastest runner on the field, will be out the door, as well.  So how should we spend the time now?  Whatever we do, it must be together!  Because I have only a few more years before they leave the home, we must continue to raise them as respectable, charismatic, educated, strong, confident, courageous, God-loving African American leaders who will be game changers in the world. (Although at times I might see them as fickle-minded little boys that don't like to take showers, talk way too much and can get on your last nerve....I'm just saying.)  It's all about togetherness.  We are figuring out life together.  They are learning from us and we are learning from them!  Sometimes it's challenging. Sometimes it's time-consuming!  Sometimes it's uncomfortable!  BUT it's all worth it!

Yesterday, we had our older son open the first baseball game of the season as the starting pitcher and just one field over, our younger son was in a learning session for lacrosse. My husband and I could sit in the stands together watch one child in front of us and then turn our head to the left to watch the other child.  Although you think that your children don't want you around, just stop and imagine what it does for them to see you in the sports stands or at the math competition or at their school program cheering for them.  Your support can build up such confidence in them.  Don't wait for your children to "figure it out"...help them navigate their lives and do it TOGETHER.  Even when my husband and I can't be their together physically, we just 'tag team' it and our kids still feel loved and supported.  

Togetherness is not about sitting together all of the time, holding hands, singing Kumbaya my Lord.  Togetherness is a state of mind that says:

• we are on the same page
• we have each other's back
• we are not afraid to show each other love
• we refuse to allow differences to separate us
• we are going to figure this out
• we are a part of each other's journey
• we will work hard to bring out the best in each other.

That's togetherness!  Stop, focus and be present in this moment, because all you have is right now.  You can't catch the second that just passed, so participate in the second that is right now.  Oh there it is... oops another second... it just passed...here comes another... did you jump in or did it pass you by?...here comes another second...Good Lawd, it's gone again. 

It's like the game of double dutch.  One person is standing on one end holding the ropes (the past) and another individual is standing at the other end holding the ropes (the future).  The only way to master the game of double-dutch is to practice jumping in the middle (the present).  This moment is all that you have so practice jumping in together with your family.  You might mess up from time to time  and get caught up between the ropes, but quickly run around to the other end of the rope and jump in the middle again.  That's what makes jumping rope so fun, you can mess up and jump right back in. 

I encourage you today to jump in with your family today.  Don't worry about what how you got tripped up in the ropes, but together figure out how you can start over.  It's alright to admit that you messed up and would like another chance to begin again.  In fact, when you're honest with your family and let them know that you don't have all of the answers, but you'd like to learn from them as they learn from you...you actually learn to live in the present, focus on doing it together and  get pretty good at landing between the ropes with ease.

Well my older son just walked into the kitchen and  kissed me on the cheek, so now it's time to get the house rocking.  In fact, I think we're all going to get up, get dressed and go out for breakfast TOGETHER!  (I'm not cooking this morning.  Praise God for good restaurants.)

Now walk it out... or better yet, go ahead, wait for it, wait for it, now JUMP...

Miracle at Mile-Marker 65...A Praise Break

I have not written for a few days because we were on spring break, we were traveling as a family and I wanted to be fully present and in the moment with my husband and children.  The title for that page and summary of what I learned is called, Unplugged: 40- day family focus.   Well that will have to be a tomorrow’s focus, because TODAY I have to pause for a praise break and thank God for sparing the lives of 5 women, 1 man and 2 children on a stretch of a dark highway last night.

My goodness, where do I begin?

Last night, we were being a blessing to a family who had already been a blessing to our family.  (That’s a testimony unto itself.) I had just reconnected the mother to her children, who had been hanging out with our boys.  Praise God that they were safe and headed back to their own home before all of the excitement began.  I jumped into the back seat of a different car, with friends who were heading back to the City. We were enjoying great conversation; talking about careers, maintaining our health and church. We were on a stretch of highway that was dark and we began to notice a small RV, hitched to a pickup truck, slowly begin to sway in front of us.  We could have passed it and continued traveling, but something just didn’t look right.  So we followed closely and started calling on Jesus. 

Did you used to have a wagon when you were younger?  Do you remember pulling that little red wagon behind you, while you ran throughout the neighborhood?  Over the cracks in the sidewalk, sometimes on the grass, over hills and around corners…just running.  What happened if you ran too quickly?  The little red wagon would swerve from side- to- side until you either regained control of it or it would sway out of control, eventually leaving the 4-wheels for a 2-wheel stance until it would flip over and rest on its side.  This is what we thought was unfolding right before our eyes.  We just knew that the RV was going to flip in front of us.

The more the RV swayed, the louder we prayed.  It traveled from one lane to the middle of the highway and back again.  I pulled out my phone and dialed 911 for the highway patrol.  But thanks be to God, by the time someone came on the line, the truck had come to a stop on the road shoulder…just inches from hitting the yellow and black guardrail caution sign. They had lost all rearview lights and power to the RV.  We followed suit, pulled off on the shoulder and our driver jumped out to assist the people in the truck.  While we sitting in the car awaiting highway patrol for assistance (which would never come because I inverted the mile marker numbers…I gave them 56 and I actually think the mile marker was 65…oops. Don’t judge me, I was nervous!), the 2 of us still in the car began to just thank God that nothing serious had happened.  We watched as 3 women emerged with cell phone flashlights, investigating underneath the hitched RV.

I had placed the first call to 911 at 9:41 pm, not knowing that I would place another call at 9:44 pm. This time, however,  the call would be different.  It no longer concerned the truck in front of us, this time it was our car.

As we were thanking God for their safety, an 18-wheeler sped past us and suddenly we heard a loud POW.  Good Lord, that was too loud to be a car backfiring.  The sound was similar to how I’d imagine a gunshot would sound, if I were in close proximity.  We sat there wondering what had just happened, when all of a sudden I noticed the outside noise of the highway had grown louder. I turned my head and realized that the back window of our car was shattered.
Uh hello people,  remember I’m sitting in the back seat!  I dialed 911 again.
The front seat passenger jumped out of the car to alert the driver to what had just happened.  I attempted to get of the car, only to realize that the child-proof locks were engaged.  I can’t open the door!  Panic almost set in, so I jumped over the front seat and out the front passenger door.  (If the United States Olympic track team needed a hurdler, they would have chosen me last night, because I flew over that chair.) 

The driver and other passenger returned to the car to check things out.  It wasn’t until that time that I realized that there was glass on the seat where I had been sitting. 

Shattered glass on the seat, but not in my hair.

Shattered glass on the seat, but no cuts on my face.

Shattered glass on the seat, but nothing on my back.

Shattered glass on the seat, and I had come out without a scratch.

Can somebody just stop and join me in a praise break?  What?!

My parents used to always thank God for keeping us from dangers seen and unseen…well I KNOW that to be true today.  THANKYA!

Long story short, we patched up both vehicles enough so that we could make it to the exit, which was about a mile away.  There was a gas station at the exit, so we used cardboard boxes, flannel pajama pants, a blanket and duct tape to cover the entire window.  The women and babies in the truck were going to sit and wait for their spouses to pick them up.  They were so thankful that we had stopped to assist them and just kept talking about us being their angels.  (Can I just say that our driver earned every bit of his man card yesterday?  He was patching things up on both vehicles and making things happen.  He was our very own MacGyver.  Thank you Sir.)  One of the ladies mentioned that a high school friend, from over 20 years, found her last week on Facebook, said that she had been on her mind and had been praying for her.  I told her to please message her back and tell her that her prayers probably saved all of our lives.

I felt the need to pray, so we held hands and began praying in the lot next to the gas station.  I sensed in my spirit that since God had spared all of our lives tonight that He still had work for us to do.  It was my prayer that each of us would refocus our attention to whatever it is that God is speaking to us.  If He had wanted us go home with Him, He would have made it happen.  Therefore, I will work my little hands doing what God has called me to do until He says that my work here is done.

As we pulled back onto the road, the other passenger in the car turned on a song by Kierra Sheard, Indescribable. 

The lyrics to the chorus are:

Indescribable, uncontainable,

You place the stars in the sky and you know them by name

You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable,

Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God

All I can say is that God is truly amazing!  We drove home, with gospel music blaring, grateful to God for protection.

What did I learn from this?  

1.  In ALL things, give thanks.  It could have ended much differently.  Yes, the back window was shattered, but whatever struck that back window could have hit me in the head and killed me. 
2.  When you are giving of yourself in service, God is protecting, healing and moving on your behalf as well.  Sometimes you don't even realize that He's been keeping you all along.
3. When God tells you to pray for someone, stop and do it…your prayer just might save his or her life.

I normally end by saying “Now walk it out...",  but today I’ve got such a praise that walking is inadequate…. I’ve got to dance this one out.  Care to join me?

Be Still: Focus on the Family

iPod, iPhone, iTouch, Android, Chrome, Kindle-Fire, mp3 player and every other thinkable gadget...

We’ve advanced so much over the years with technology, yet I believe that we are raising a generation that is so used to being stimulated technologically that they don’t know what it means to be present and soothed by their own thoughts or imagination.  Honestly, even the noise of the television bothers me. (Unless I’m watching Scandal, of course.)

Before 8 o’clock this morning I was blessed to watch 2 shows that I had recorded previously.  And twice I heard the phrase, “Be still”. 

Eckhart Tolle said, "Silence is the language God speaks and everything else is a bad translation."   In The second show, with Iyanla Vanzant, she simply said to “Be Still and Listen”.  Oftimes, it’s the quietness that is comforting, transformative and exhilarating.  It is that place where you can be with one with yourself and with God.

I thank God for that word of being still this morning, though I didn’t realize it that I would need to use that stillness with my own family.    We were set to travel a few hours for spring break and we had planned to leave at 8:30 am.  Well of course, that time came and left.  I had to finish washing clothes and find someone to keep the dog, since our kennel was booked.  Because my hubby has a cold, is dealing with allergies and is not feeling his best, he was ready to cancel the trip, or at least wait one more day before leaving.  Now my normal self would have been combative and ready to challenge him, but that still small voice said to keep my mouth shut.  I simply said, ‘okay’, but I continued to pack and get the boys ready.  After a while, I quietly went over to him, hugged him and started kissing his jawline.  I asked, “Are you hesitant to travel because you're not feeling well?” To which he replied,” Yeah I just don’t feel well, I need to sleep”. (You wouldn’t know this, but we were set to travel during Christmas last year and cancelled at the last minute, only for him to spend the entire week of Christmas in the hospital with 2 blood clots in his lungs.  Needless to say, I understand his hesitancy.)  I kept moving around and just had to be prayerful………..silence.  Well by 12 noon, we were all in the car ready to travel.  I was behind the wheel, so that he could get some rest.  I listened to an audiobook, while he slept and the boys had their phone and iTouch.

Silence, yes?

Not really because my youngest son wanted a hotspot, so he could turn on Netflix and my 13-year old was listening to music on his phone and text messaging from the moment he sat down in the car. 

Yes the car was quiet, but everyone was not still!

Their eyes were squinting as they watched a movie on the tiny screen and their ears were overly stimulated because the little dings, which allow you to know that there is an incoming message, kept interrupting the music that played.  Constant stimulation!  Good grief! Something has got to shift, I thought as I was driving.  And shift, it did.

We stopped for a break, to eat and stretch. Well my 13-year old did something to upset his father and I was given the opportunity to hold his phone for the rest of the drive. (Lucky me!)   This was our segue into stillness.  When we re-entered the car, I told my younger son to turn on his audiobook and my 13-year old had to make penance, so I told him to just close his eyes.  Immediately I noticed that my younger son had stopped fidgeting as he listened to the audiobook, because he was becoming one with the story.  And wouldn’t you know it; my 13-year-old fell asleep.  No phone and he fell asleep.  No little dings and he fell asleep. No tiny screen and he fell asleep. No texting and he fell asleep.  Stillness and he fell asleep.

This showed me two lessons. 

1.  As a wife, sometimes the best thing to do is just be still. My husband needed to work through his own anxiety and all he needed from me was to be supportive and still.  (I must admit that I have missed this mark several times in the past.)  My calm and my silent prayers allowed room for God to work. 
2.  As a mother, sometimes you have to be creative. With one child, I used technology but it was done with an audiobook, which still allowed him to use his imagination and become a part of the action.  With the other child, I had to put my foot down (actually parent) and take away the very thing that hindered him from practicing stillness. 

I praise God for that early morning word of stillness.  It prepared me to make an impact on both my husband and children.  As you go throughout the day, be sure to practice stillness so that you can pass it on to those around you.  When you are centered, those that come in contact with you must align themselves to your space and aura.

Now walk it out…

It's Alright to Say, "Forgive Me, I'm sorry"

What makes up your family?  Are you a single parent and have to co-parent from 2 separate homes? Or are you married and have to navigate parenting and loving each other within the same home?  Whatever makes up your family, you still have to learn how to respect the other adult in the relationship.  As we are walking in this 40-day process of focussing on the family, we are not just talking about children.  Your family includes adults, which could be your spouse, co-parent, sibling, parent, friend, church member or neighbor.  I believe that we think we are at our best when we only have to deal with children.  Probably because we can lord over them and really don't have to ask their opinion about most things.  When you're dealing with adults, however,  you actually have to listen to feedback and engage in dialogue. (Blah blah blah, some might say.)
Seriously though, it can be difficult to deal with a spouse or a co-parent because it causes us to be vulnerable.  (Uh, what a yucky word!)  You have to be open and honest, if you desire to be dealt with openly and honestly!  And what is the thing that can get in the way of this?........Pride.

Who is right and who is wrong?  Who gets to prove a point in this situation? At the end of the day, who will make the final decision?  If I let him win this argument, will I look weak?  If he won the last battle, do I have to position myself so that I appear to win the next one?  Silly questions?  Maybe not, because I think we have all asked ourselves some form of one of these questions.
My response question to all of these questions is..........Does it really matter?

Oftimes, the only thing that hinders truly open and honest conversation is pride.  I never said that I had this thing all figured out.  I told you this was a 40-day journey that we are taking together, so as I am typing, I'm also learning.

So here is my story of how blessed I was, when I let go of pride...

Last night, the family was enjoying a nice quiet evening.  We had made it through a long day.  My husband had preached 2 sermons at church, went to his second job as chaplain for the Thunder and now we were in our bedroom watching television. He was sitting in the chair and I was lying across the bed. We've all been affected by this allergy season and my husband had been coughing for the last two days.  He broke into one of his coughing spells and I, being the super diligent wife, decided to get up and make him a cup of hot tea with honey.  (Honey for my honey, right?)  I moved around the kitchen with a smile on my face because I just knew that he would be so appreciative that his darling wife made something for him, without even being asked. I chose the clear glass mug (I think clear coffee mugs are sexy.), placed it under the Keurig and waited for the hot water to enter the mug.  I steeped the tea, placed the honey in the mug, stirred it to dissolve the honey and tasted it to make sure the tea was just right.  I glided back to the bedroom, imagining the big kiss and thank you I was going to receive for being so thoughtful.

Well when I entered the room, he was no longer sitting in the chair, he was lying across the bed (in my spot, no less) and when I stood in front of him to hand him the mug he said," just put it on the dresser".  Are you for-real dude?  Do you think I turned around and placed it on the dresser?  No way, I stood there, pushed the mug closer and said "here".  To which he said, "I'll get it in a minute".  I'm being punked right?  Surely he doesn't realize what I just did for him!  Well I spun around on my heels, slammed the glass mug on the dresser, started gathering my things, heard him say,"my back is hurting", ignored what he just said and walked back into the kitchen.  When I returned to the bedroom, I got my headphones so I could listen to my audiobook and proceeded to ignore him.  I could tell that he knew something was a little off, so he attempted to make small talk and I, being an idiot, pouted until I fell asleep.

Well the story doesn't end there...
I woke up this morning with a chip on my shoulder and decided to shower, get dressed and hurry out the door before anyone could wake up and say anything to me.  But as I'm in the bathroom, the Lord started talking to me.  He basically let me know that I was ignorant for allowing something so small to ruin the evening.  He also pointed out that I didn't make tea because my husband  really wanted it, but rather I did it to soothe my own ego. OUCH!!!  (Okay Lord, my pinky toe is still hurting from those boots I wore to church yesterday.  Are you really just going to step all over my feet this early in the morning?) Okay so how do I fix it?  I'm really trying not to look stupid by all of a sudden being honest and bringing it up today.  Let's just let the day ride and see what happens.  (Of course, conviction doesn't work that way.)
Wouldn't you know that my husband woke up, as I was about to leave the bedroom and mentioned his back again.  (Dang it, I can't ignore it this time.)  So I proceeded to rub his back a little.  I was preparing to leave the house and he followed me into the kitchen and sat down.  We talked for a few minutes and he asked for a cup of cappuccino. (This must be a test!) I was about to say, when I offered you tea last night, you didn't want it.  BUT, I didn't say it!  I made him a cup, just like he asked.
As I stood there waiting for the water to brew, I blurted out..."I must apologize".  He looked at me blankly and asked, "for what"?  I told him that I have a bad habit of shutting down my emotions whenever I offer help and he doesn't take it.  To which he replied, " I know, you do that all the time!".  Open and honest, right? (Uh, could you be a little less honest sir?)  I told him that I realized my wrongdoing and I would try to control that...the first step was to acknowledge my bad habit and ask for forgiveness.  He smirked a little and continued drinking his cappuccino.  We continued to talk, laugh and kissed goodbye as I left for work.  Day saved!

What was the lesson?  There are several:

1. Check your motives for doing what you do?  If you are looking for praise, you're probably not doing it for the right reasons.
2. Don't take everything so personal, it's not about you anyway!  He couldn't take the hot cup of tea, because his back was hurting and he needed to lie across the bed to stretch it out.  (Drinking hot tea, while you're lying down probably isn't a good idea. Duh!)
3. If you stop long enough and be honest with yourself and then open up to the one you love, you can forego a day of misery and a long, drawn-out argument.
4. Realize how blessed you are to be in this relationship.  I just realized how gracious my husband actually was.  The fact that he said,  "I know, you do that all the time!",  let me know that he has held back judgment several times in the past.  His grace had been covering my imperfection for a long time.  Wow...now that's love!

So I encourage you to stop to appreciate your family and the adult relationships that you are involved in.  If you need to apologize for something that you said or did...just do it!  Being vulnerable actually frees you, because it allows your partner to trust you even more.  There is no 'one-upping' anybody in a healthy relationship.  If you can't say it to their face, then send a text message...but doggone it, let it go and be vulnerable.

Now walk it out...

(Although I must admit, between those doggone boots and the Lord convicting me... I'm walking with a little limp...but I'm walking anyway.)

Safe in Daddy's arms: 40-day family focus

I have been in the church all of my life.  I grew up singing in the choir, ushering on the usher board and sitting in prayer meeting with my parents.  I’ve directed the choir, led praise & worship teams, have spoken in different churches and even married a preacher.  So I know church liturgy and how it all works. I understand how music can set the atmosphere for the spoken word.  I get all of that and am well versed in it.  But sometimes when I think of Heaven, I don’t see it as this sweet by and by or when we all get there how grand it will be.  Nor do I see it as our ancestors who were enslaved used to sing…”I got shoes, You got shoes, All of God’s children got shoes, when I get to Heaven gonna put on my shoes and walk all around God’s heaven”. 

Maybe heaven is watching a baby sleep peacefully or bringing a smile to an elderly person’s face.  Maybe heaven is a hug or an acknowledgement that “ I see you”. 

Since I am in this 40-day season of focusing on the family, I must share the piece of heaven that I experienced today.

The minister-of-music at our church is a fireball.  Each Sunday, he leads us in praise & worship, having meticulously rehearsed and coordinated with both the praise & dance team.  He spends a lot of time throughout the week preparing for Sunday morning and even sacrificing his family time so that Sunday’s production is on point.  He is very much like my husband, who sees Sunday morning as a major motion picture production that requires practice and preparation.  But today something happened a little differently.  Yes, he opened up the worship service and coordinated the music throughout the entire service.  But something happened which allowed me to see a little piece of heaven.

I was holding his one-year old son during our 11 am worship service.  (I think he likes to sit with me because I’m noisy.  We get to scream and clap together and he doesn’t have to sit still.)   He had been in my arms for 10-15 minutes before my husband got up to preach.  Since the music was over and there would be no more dancing for us, he got a little fidgety.   I took him out to change his diaper and let him walk around a little bit and we returned to our seats.  Upon sitting, he began to arch his back and throw a fit to let me know that sitting still was not on his agenda today.  So as not to disrupt the preaching moment, I scurried over to his mother, who was sitting on the front row.  He calmed down…right?  Uh no, that little booger’s back got to arching once again and he let everyone know that sitting was an unpleasant experience.  She started to rush him out, but it caught her husband’s attention, who was still seated at the organ, and he motioned for his son.  What do you think happened next?

Total calm! He sat on his lap, on the organ bench and relaxed back into his daddy’s arms.  Then, with those big pretty eyes, he looked back at me as if to say, “ uh, this is what I wanted all along.”  Upon reflection, I realized that although his dad had done a great job with the music, it didn’t matter to this precious little boy because the greatest thing for him was finding that safe place to land…in his daddy’s arms.  This is Heaven!  Realizing that regardless of what else was going on around him, all he knew was that he was with his dad.  How simple, but how beautiful!

As we focus on our family during this time, take time to recognize when all your child wants is you.  It doesn’t matter what your title is or what you do for a living, the only thing your child needs is you.   When you can take the time to recognize that; it brings a confidence and a sense of calm in the child.  It’s especially wonderful, when it’s a good relationship between father and son.

Just this week, our older son was on a class trip to Washington DC.  Because I have all of his apps and follow him on Instagram, I was able to see pictures of him throughout the week.  That was enough for me!  But Daddy was another story.  He kept asking had our son called or text.  He tried to call several times, only to receive no response. You could see the disappointment in his face. (We found out later, that his phone had died.)  Because I love and respect the relationship between father & son, I text my son with a simple message, ‘call your daddy, I think he misses you’.  To which he replied, “yay”.  Within the hour, my husband received a call and as he told me about their conversation, he was literally beaming from ear to ear.  Heaven! 

To all of the father’s reading this, please realize that although your children may not express in words that you are needed…YOU ARE.  Mothers, even if you are not with your child’s father…your child still needs him.  If there is a father that wants to be involved in his child’s life, don’t hinder that.  I could have gloated to my husband and said, ‘Hahaha…my son wants to talk to me ” or the minister of music’s wife could have snatched the baby up to prove a point…but we both recognize that it’s a blessing when a father & son want to be in each other’s presence. 

Why did I go through all of this?  I simply wanted to let you know that heaven doesn’t have to be this pie-in-the-sky, when I get over there, but it can be here and now in the eyes of your child.  During this 40- day journey, focus on the family, take time to recognize the gift that you have in your children and take the time to let them know that you care.  All your child wants to know is…somebody sees me.  And if you show them love, there will never be a need to look outside of your home for anyone else.

Now walk it out…

I want to be the example for my children_40 days of family focus

I was reading the book, Daring Greatly, by Brene' Brown.  She wrote something called the Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto.   After reading it, I realized that this is what I want my children to know and understand.  I want them to see me and their Dad being deliberate about loving, preparing  and teaching them so they can go out into the world and be productive and wholehearted.

This was perfect timing for me to read this, so I thought I'd share it with you.  I will print a copy, read it with my children and then give them both a copy to hang in their room.

The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and loveable.

You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.

I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness.

You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.

We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.

We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.

You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel. 

I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.

I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.

When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.

Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.

We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.

As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.

I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.

Reprinted from Daring Greatly by Brené Brown by arrangement with Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., Copyright (c) 2012.

Now walk that out....