To Thine Own Spiritual Self Be True

On Saturday, I had an amazing opportunity to share light and love with young women of color at the University of Oklahoma.  The conference was called S.O.U.L. conference.  It stands for Sisters of OU Living, Loving, Learning and Leading.

      My topic was about recognizing the spiritual side of you.  How can young women take care of their spiritual side as they pursue their education?  Do you even need to recognize spirituality as you're matriculating through school?  Well of course.  Here are a few highlights that I shared with those beautiful young sisters, that I believe will be helpful to you as you walk in your purpose.

 We are all spiritual beings. 
 

     I like the scene in the movie Avatar where they are all around the tree seemingly praying and connected to one another.  You hear weeping and wailing…the cries and prayers of the people.  When my husband and I saw this we almost started to shout....we said "that’s just like church".  

In the movie Avatar there are many scenes that communicate the idea of the plant and animal life of Pandora being in a unified relationship. Each animal is equipped with an antenna, or a queue, that allows the animals to communicate with each other and that the whole planet.  They are able to communicate because they are connected.  I get goose bumps when I see that scene.  It’s almost like an awakening that I feel with the realization that we are all connected in some way.

     Now wouldn’t that be lovely to be able to see through the mess of people and see their soul.  Sometimes we’re so engrossed with the external shell that we forget that somewhere behind all of the toughness, meanness, bitterness and façade that there is an innocence or openness.  The problem is that oftentimes we’re unwilling to see it in others because we’re unable to see it in ourselves.  

I can’t see the goodness in my sister, because somewhere along the way I  was told that females were shifty.

I can’t see the innocence in my sister, because I was molested and my innocence was taken away and now I'm suspicious of everyone.

I can’t see the confidence in my sister, because I am sensing my own low self-esteem and fear.

So rather than trying to make a connection and being authentic, I put up a wall and keep people out. But then I go further to find people or a circle of friends who don’t challenge me but help me to feel comfortable in my own mess and shadiness.
     As women of color, we have a long history of connection with each other.  Africans, in their veneration or worship of the ancestors, believe that they are connected to those who’ve gone before.  Not only am I connected but also I’m grateful for the connection and remember and honor them.  Without them, I wouldn’t be here.

     I have been on this wellness kick with a group of accountability partners and in the FB group that I started, called “Parenting on Purpose University”.  The idea of wellness is paramount.  We realize that as my mother-in-law used to always tell me when she saw me running around like a crazy woman….”Baby you can’t give from an empty cup”.  Which translates, Girl slow down and pace yourself. 

You can’t give energy that you don’t have.

You can’t show love that is not there.

You can’t offer compassion to others, if you don’t have any for yourself.

If you’re depleted, you have nothing to offer anyone else.

We use the hashtag #selfcare.

·       #selfcare means taking the time to celebrate you

·       #selfcare means investing in your own growth & development

·       #selfcare means to make sure you take care of your body, because it has to carry you and all of your issues around

·      #selfcare means to revel in the quiet time and stolen moments away from the noise and drama

     #Soulcare is slightly different from selfcare.  Selfcare is about taking care of yourself, while soulcare is about nurturing the innermost part of YOU.  Soulcare is about finding the connection to yourself, by finding a connection with God so that you can work at  the top of your potential.  Soulcare is saying to God, " without you I am nothing", so I acknowledge you in everything that I do and accomplish.

1. Clear the Clutter!

      Let people go that no longer suit you.  Sometimes we think that we have to hang on to people just because they were our 'ride-or-die' 2 years ago.    I challenged every young woman in the room to pull out her phone and delete one phone number of a person who is adding nothing to her life.  That's the practical side, but there is a mental, emotional and spiritual side as well.  Delete those thoughts in your mind that no longer suit you.  Don't hang on to the lies that you may have been telling yourself for years.  Lies like: I'm not good enough; I'm not pretty enough; I'm a woman and can't achieve.  Lies, lies, lies......please let them go.

2. Align yourself with positive thoughts and positive people. 

     Now that you are clearing those thoughts, replace them with positive thoughts.  "I am the head and not the tail.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Greater is the God within me than he that's in the world."  Now your job is to find a positive circle of friends who can LOVE you just the way you are, while they are yet pushing you to be the best version of yourself.

3. Renew the Commitment to be true to yourself and to God.

     Those promises that you made to yourself that you were going to work hard and love even harder; go back and fulfill them.   You promised to always be authentic....start today. You promised to give God thanks for all that's been bestowed upon you.....so begin living a life of gratitude.

4. Embrace and Express the new soulful you!

     Embrace the fact that you are growing into your greatness and walking into your purpose.  Don't be ashamed about it.....walk in it  and be glad.  You've worked hard to get here, now share it with someone else along the way.  Your story matters! (as one of the other speakers mentioned)

Finally, be true to yourself and true to the God that's within you. Take care of your soul!

Now walk it out.... 

What is your body telling you? Could it actually be stress? _SOULFUL SUNDAY SERIES

Happy Soulful Sunday evening.

I have a phone app to share with you. This morning my husband showed Chandler a breathing app ("Calm") on his phone to help him relax before playing golf.  My 16-year old gets so excited when he is about to play a round of golf.  In fact he mentioned to me earlier this week that he thought he should change his music before he plays.  He said, "Mom I think I need to be a little more focused and relaxed".  Even he realized that what you put into your ears or your allow to  be absorbed into your mind can actually change the way you act.

I downloaded the same app on my phone this afternoon and performed breathing exercises with Courtland, right before he began to study for his test.   We did a meditation exercise about letting your thoughts go and being mindful and intentional.  Afterward we performed a breathing exercise.  We had to focus on an expanding circle while we were instructed to inhale, hold our breath and then exhale on command.  Since I was so relaxed, I decided to take a blood pressure reading. It was 117/80. WHAT?! Last night it was 148/83 and the day before that it was 166/100. As I mentioned in last weeks' post, my BP was surprisingly high.  I went to the doctor on Tuesday and she prescribed 2 medications.  I know the medication is probably beginning to work, BUT I now realize that my body has probably been trying to tell me something.

Perhaps I've been carrying stress that I didn't recognize before. Hmm?!  I know that I have plenty of jobs and responsibilities, but I really thought I was handling it well.  My husband mentioned that once I get up at the crack of dawn, I don't stop until I pass out at night.  I suppose that I didn't consider what this was truly doing to my body.    I sent a message to my "Parenting on Purpose University" FB page, informing them of my newest revelation.  It's time to go take a seat ma'am.  I must say yes when  I want to, and  learn how to say no, without feeling guilty, when I don't.  I'm sure this applies to you as well, in some area of your life. 

Learn to protect your mind and keep the stress levels down.  Take a walk, listen to calming music, pray, meditate and be deliberate about slowing your breaths.  Research at the National Institutes of Health suggests that breathing slowly for a few minutes a day is enough to help lower blood pressure naturally without medication. Scientists believe that how we breathe may hold a key to how the body regulates blood pressure.  Using breathing techniques is one of the most powerful stress relievers to calm the body and mind.   So what have I been doing?!   Both you and me deserve not to have headaches, feel tired or have high blood pressure.  I invite you to join me in this journey of calm and mindful intention.  It's time to focus on your wellness!

 Now walk it out.... (and take deep breaths as you go)

It's Time to See a Doctor

I gave this testimony/ confession today in early morning worship service.

Our church is partnering with the American Heart Association in the Battle of the Heart. It's so important to not only talk about spiritual things in church, but rather add mental and physical components to the discussion.  It's a 4-month challenge to encourage individuals to check their blood pressure weekly. (You can't work to control something that you don't know or acknowledge.)  The church will have specific guidelines when serving food and drinks during functions to promote a healthy lifestyle.

Now I am very active.  I count my daily Fitbit steps, I attend zumba periodically, I have exercise accountability partners, I walk the dog frequently and workout at the gym on a consistent basis.  During the beginning of the year fast, I gave up meat and made it for 3 weeks.  I'm pretty conscience about the food that I put into my body.  However, I was caught off guard on Thursday when, during our Health ministry meeting, we decided to take our own blood pressures readings. (We have to be the 1st partakers before encouraging others to do so.)  It was at this time that I realized that my BP was high.  Just 2 months ago when attending my yearly gynecological exam, my BP was great and within normal limits. No reason for alarm!  So I was kind of thrown off by this newest revelation.

The funny thing is that my left shoulder and back has been hurting.  Sometimes I can move the wrong way and I'll get a sharp pain around my shoulder blade.   There has even been arm numbness from time to time. After the BP was taken, I noticed that my arm throbbed for a few hours....just a funny sensation.  I know all of the signs of a heart attack in women and how oftentimes they don't match those of men.  But I've found myself blaming my pain on a bad mattress (although it really is time to get a new one), muscle strain, possible nerve sheath inflammation.....any and everything except cardiovascular disease or high BP.  Well anyway, I had choir rehearsal later that same evening and decided to mention it to a nurse friend.  I knew which words NOT to say as she listened intensely and shared her thoughts.  She took it a step further and mentioned it to her cardiologist friend later that evening, during a phone call.  Needless to say, the doctor told her to tell me to check my BP daily and then call her office to see if they could squeeze me in on the schedule.   Praise God.............I have an appointment on Tuesday.

Why am telling you this?  Because someone else is out there denying that things just don't feel right.  You've been hesitant in contacting your physician for fear that you'll receive bad news.  This type of thinking is actually what causes many African Americans to die at a higher rate than other individuals because we wait too late before seeking medical attention.  Well not anymore for this sister!!! I have been the caretaker and the burden bearer for so many and it's time to take care of ME!

I'm sure the doctor will put me on some type of water pill for the high BP and I pray that is all.  My goal however is to NOT stay on medication, so that means that I need to be even more diligent in my diet and exercise, so I can lose some weight.  The church challenge lasts for the next 4 months.  It is my goal to have shed 20 pounds by then.  My life depends on it!  The success of my family depends on it, as well.  I will also be mindful in monitoring my stress levels.  I'm not an easily stressed person, but I will pay attention that I am doing things for ME that make me better and not what might appease someone else.  It's about honoring MY mind, body and soul.

So I challenge you to take care of YOU.  Call the physician.  Have your blood pressure checked regularly.  Go for a walk or join a gym (and actually go).  Listen to your body and be good to yourself.

Now walk it out...

 

FYI:

Don't jump prematurely - FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY

This past week, I dreamed that I was riding an elevated train and jumped off at one of the stops to gather some things that I thought I'd left behind.  However by the time I got to the bench and turned around, the train had already pulled out of the station.  If you're a City girl like me, you'd know that there are usually local and express trains.  If there are 9 stops along a route, the express train would only gather riders at 3 out of the 9 stops, but the local train would stop at every site to pick up and let off riders.  In the dream, I honestly don't recall if I was on a local or express train, all I remember is that I jumped off prematurely.

I made several mistakes.

1. I didn't let anyone know that I was getting off. I just jumped off, thinking that I could make it back to the train before the doors closed.  Had I mentioned to someone that I needed to retrieve something off the bench, they could have held their hand out or used their body to prevent the doors from closing.
2.  Not only did I not inform anyone, I didn't pick up my purse or cell phone....those were left in the chair on the train.  So I was left standing on the station platform with no identification and no way of communicating to anyone that I might need help.
3. In my arrogance I thought that I could handle what I needed to handle by myself.  I didn't need anyone because I had this all figured out in my head.  Well NOT!  I screamed at the train and ran to the end of the platform until it was no longer in  sight.

I awakened with my heart racing, flushed and feeling lost.  I was trying to figure out what the dream meant.  I immediately said that I was going to blog about it, but I still hadn't made sense out of it.  What did the dream mean?  All I knew was that I had jumped off too quickly and was ultimately left behind.

Later in the week, my husband and I received a thank you note and an engraved wooden gift from a former student that said "Find the Joy in the Journey".  My mind drifted back to the dream and the train.  Hmmm....Find the Joy in the Journey?!  Suddenly it all made sense to me.  I have been going around trying to jump off the local train because it seems to be going too slowly.  If I were on the express train or the fast track, I'd have the money that I wanted, the career/ job/ business that satisfies me, no family drama, the dog would greet me and kiss my feet (oh yeah, Arby already does that!)....everything would be wonderful (or so I thought). BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT GOD INTENDS FOR ME OR FOR YOU.   There is a process that all of us need to go through and we MUST be patient.

The point about the two trains is that the destination doesn't change.  The end of the line is the same for both the local and the express trains.  The thing is many of us get so wound up in the notion that we were supposed to have arrived YESTERDAY; when God is saying "slow your roll"  there are some things that I need you to see along the way.  So many of us are so eager to do our own thing and follow our own agenda, that we are willing to jump off at any stop because we think 'out there' is better than what we're experiencing 'in here'.  My standing on the platform crying and being left behind was an indication that when you don't follow the process, you are on your own.  Yes, the local train might take a little longer but maybe God has someone that He needs you to meet and minister to on stop #4.  Perhaps there's a blessing for you on stop #7, that you'll need at the end of the line.  If you are in a rush to be on the express train however, you will miss out on all of these experiences.

Our lives should be about setting our minds on the ultimate goal, but learning how to find joy in the journey no matter how long it takes.  Finding good people along the journey is also a good way to stay on track.  Find a trusted friend whom you can share it with, so when you do need to jump off for a split second, there is someone there looking our for you and can call for backup, if you need help.  Stop isolating yourself thinking that you have all of the answers.  Ma'am, Sir... go take a seat, because you don't.  God created us to rely on him, the conductor, to get us to our final destination; but He has also provided you with some great treasures on the local train.  So sit back,  relax, close your eyes and enjoy the ride...Find Joy in the Journey.  I'd much rather do that than standing on the platform and crying as I'm being left behind.

Now walk it out...

Minutes of Silence; Moments of Praise- Soulful Sunday

I am a part of a fitness accountability group, which I unofficially call the #selfcare sisters.  We have made it our mission to eat well, move daily and live purposefully while holding each other accountable.  Periodically, we exchange motivational text messages, recipes, fitness challenges and selfies taken in the gym.  This week one of the sisters shared a devotional with us.  I honestly don't remember what the scripture was or the daily inspirational message, but something caught my attention at the end of the reading.  When I sent it back to the ladies, I created my hashtags and told them that I felt a blog in my spirit.
#minutesofsilence
momentsofpraise

This week I picked up a book that I'd purchased last year or the year before.  It was a mandala coloring book for adults.  Recently I've felt the need to find a space to focus and relax.  One night as I was sitting in bed, I put on my headphones to listen to meditation music and began coloring a page of the coloring book.  I noticed an immediate shift in my aura.  Once I allowed the coloring and the music to take me to my inner sanctuary, I became one with the page.  It didn't matter what was happening around me, so long as I sat still and focused on the page.  Once the coloring was completed, a sense of peace and tranquility came over me. Shortly thereafter, I began to thank God for the opportunity to sit alone in my own thoughts.  It was then that I recognized that my minutes of silence had turned into moments of praise.

Isn't that what life is all about? God has created us to work, but also to REST.  Even God himself rested on the 7th day at the beginning of creation. It seems that we have taken to the notion that the more we work, the better we are. But what we find is that instead of being productive, we are actually just making ourselves busy.  Busyness does not equal productivity.  I believe that God created us to take some time for ourselves to hear his voice in the stillness.  It is in those minutes of silence, that we recognize just who God is and how much the love of God sustains us.  Once that finally sinks in, our stillness turns into a sanctuary and we have now created moments of praise.

So I challenge you this week to find a few minutes to sit and reflect in silence.  There are 1, 440 minutes in one day; surely you can find 5 of those 1,440 to sit in silence and meditate.  I can almost guarantee that if you take at least 5 minutes of silence, it will turn into 1, 435 minutes of praise. Your entire day will begin to shift when you set aside time for you and God.
Find YOUR thing that allows you to reflect and simply acknowledge how good God has been to you.

Now walk it out...

Soulful Sundays with Dr. Sharri - The 2017 Series

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

Wow!  It's January 1, 2017.

One Word ........................... Consistent

I just re-read the book One Word by Dan Britton, Jimmy Page and Jon Gordon.  I had been thinking the last month that I needed to be more consistent in my blogging.   Last year was a doozy.  Our family situation changed and the space that I used to consistently go for solitude and reflection was being occupied.  Oftentimes I allowed my lack of private space to impede my flow of creativity.  One thing came out of that situation was that I realized that I cannot allow my location to change my inspiration and dedication. (Everything is a learning process.) Indeed the Lord has been showing me this in the last 3 months, because now He just wakes me early in the AM and we converse for hours while I'm still lying in bed.  (2 AM is not my ideal time, but the Lord and I have been having some great conversations.)

Just this week, before re-reading the book, the Lord impressed upon my heart the word CONSISTENT.  Every time I thought about blogging or writing, that one word came up over and over.  I used to just hang out with God and then start writing.  I could have a message on Monday, two on Wednesday and then not again until 3 weeks later.  There was neither rhyme nor reason to my method; I wrote whenever I felt the urge to share a message.  Those of you who subscribe to the blog, never knew when you'd receive another email.  This bothered me, but I didn't know what to do or how to fix it.  I was so stuck in my own "I can't because....." , that I lost sight of  "I must because this is what God has called me to do".  

So I am back in 2017, because my one word is CONSISTENT.  This word means different things in each area of my life, but for this group it means that I will consistently post on Sundays.  It will be called  "Soulful Sunday with Dr. Sharri", because the messages that I type come from my time alone with God and in reflection. They are straight from my soul.  Get it?  I hope so and I pray that you will tune in every Sunday.   Feel free to leave a comment or question at the end of each blog.  If it blesses your Soul, then I invite you to share it with a friend.

Be blessed and I'll see you next Sunday.

Now walk it out......

Clean out the fridge....it's time to purge 2016

     This morning I woke up early, mulling over in my head when and where I was going to get my nails done today.  What better way to end the year than to make sure my hands and feet were cleared of the dirt and grime and prepared to walk into the new year.  I laid there mentally mapping the day, deciding what I would do with the boys, how I'd help Byron prepare for the 2 services and when I was going to begin cooking the black-eyed peas.  (Because of course it's a MUST to begin the new year with a pot of black-eyed peas. As a little girl, I was told that this would bring good luck into the new year.)  Whether I believe it or not, it's still a family tradition.  So those smoked turkey legs are just waiting to jump in the crock-pot with the peas....they have a great relationship.

     I finally walked into the kitchen to eat a bowl of cereal, read a magazine and just kill time before heading to the nail salon.  When I opened the refrigerator to get the rice milk, I stopped long enough to realize that the refrigerator was full of STUFF.  Leftover food in containers, new groceries from yesterdays trip to the market, bottles of condiments, jars of pickles, yogurt and fruit cups and plenty of plastic storage bags, that I use to save space, were just staring back at me screaming HELP.

     Chandler had mentioned the other day, upon opening the refrigerator, that something smelled funny.  I ignored him and kept moving about the kitchen.  I was probably preparing for the next meal and didn't have to time to investigate. I continued doing what I had been doing and didn't give it a second thought.  For some reason this morning, as I pulled out the milk, I paused a little longer than normal.  I didn't smell anything, but I did notice the chaos.  Yesterdays new groceries couldn't rest properly on the shelves because there were so many other things preventing it.  It was at that moment, that I decided to purge.  I moved the trashcan directly in front of the refrigerator and began to open and dump the containers and toss all of those food storage bags.  I could feel the cold air circulating more freely in the fridge.  The deeper I got into the refrigerator,  my sense of smell became a bit more keen. (Oh Lord, where did this come from?  How long has that been in here?  Oh crap....this must have been what that boy was smelling.)  Don't judge me...you know you could probably find a piece of foil or container, in the back of your fridge, that's been there for weeks.

     But the tossing of items was not good enough for me.  As I purged items, I rearranged the remaining items on the shelves, only to realize that I should probably take out each shelf and wipe it down.  Slowly but surely,  I began to see progress.  I combined similar condiment items, threw out salad dressings that apparently no one likes, wiped down each jar and rearranged them in a manner that you could find things easily upon opening the doors.  I removed every shelf and washed them off in the sink.  I pulled out fruit and vegetable trays and checked to make sure they were still in good condition.  (Lawd Jesus, as I'm typing this I just realized that I didn't even look inside the freezer, which sits on the bottom.  Doggone it...I still have work to do.  I'm on it, as soon as I finish this.)

     I didn't share this with you to tell you that I'm a slob, because I'm not!  As I was cleaning, something began to resonate in my spirit.  You need to purge, before you can prepare!  Before you even step into 2017, there are some things that you must toss from 2016.  There are some unhealthy relationships, some 'stinking thinking', some annoying habits, some seemingly never ending cycles and some lies that have become self- fulfilling prophesies that you have got to leave behind.  Before I could even begin preparing the black-eyed peas, I needed to be sure that I had all of the necessary ingredients.  However since the refrigerator was overflowing with stuff, I couldn't clearly see what I needed.

That's what this 'life thing' is all about......learning when to let go.  Now you better believe, when the original meals were cooked, they smelled and tasted delicious.  They were so good that we decided to keep the leftovers in those containers and storage bags.  But think about it, everyday we don't eat leftovers, I cook again and then place those goodies in the fridge too.  After awhile the fridge overflows with leftover food.  Hmmm?

    What have you been holding on to and refusing to let go?  It's not that it was bad initially, but after not nurturing it, it became stale, moldy and ridden with bacteria.  It had a purpose, but now it's time to let it go.  Toss it and sterilize everything around it!  On this last day of 2016, make up your mind to purge those negative thoughts and negative people.  Decide that you will not respond in 2017, the way you did in 2016.  Forgive yourself for holding on to some things far too long, so you can make room for the new groceries and/or blessings that are headed your way.

     Even as I bring this to a close, I'm reminded that this is a daily process.  Cleaning out the refrigerator was a GOOD thing, but as I mentioned earlier, I forgot about the freezer and must now go and rearrange that.  Perhaps there are some things in the freezer that might need to be tossed OR there are some good things that can be moved back into the refrigerator  and thawed for future consumption.  The bottom line is, I have to check.  I can't ignore it!  I can't act like it's not a part of the kitchen refrigeration unit.  It might me take me a little more time, but it will be time well spent.

Before you plow into 2017 with all of your new ideas, plans and resolutions, take this last day of 2016 to reflect and rearrange a few things.  Purge, then prepare!

Now walk it out....... (Pray for your girl as I walk back to the kitchen to clean the freezer, start my black-eyed peas and then go get my nails done.)

Enjoy a safe and happy New Year's Eve!