The 11th Day

This has been an amazing 10-day journey.  At times, I wanted to cuss some folks out and at other times I wanted to be coddled.  I didn’t have many cravings, but at times I just wanted to sleep and be alone because I couldn’t explain what was going on internally.  Not only could I sense my body making changes, but I felt the aching in  my brain as I warred with myself.  Remember, I said from the very beginning that I wasn’t doing the cleanse to just lose weight, but rather I was doing it to jumpstart some things in my life.  The cleanse promised a jump-start of 10- 15 pounds if you followed the complete version and then the goal is to modify it and lose 1- 2 lbs  per week.

Here are a few things I learned:

1.  I am stronger than I actually thought.
2. Carrots are actually sweeter than a candy bar and they have a great crunch (great, if you need texture).
3. When you make up your mind to do something, stick to it.  Don’t allow outside forces to deter you from your goal.  Heck, don’t allow internal forces to deter you either.  About the 8^th day when I was ready to give it up, I had to quiet the voices in my head that said, “Girl, you’re good… you lasted this long…it will be okay if you just stop…you already feel better anyway”. 
4.  I realized that I am the sole person responsible for my happiness.  So many times we place unfair expectations on others to love us, encourage us, make us feel important or special.  But that is just wrong!  You’ve got to love yourself first, be your own personal cheerleader and do things for you that make YOU happy.  When you are joyful, the law of attraction will bring joy to you.  It’s not about loving yourself because someone else is not doing it, but rather it’s loving yourself because you are worthy of self-love.
5. Fasting puts you in tune with your body and your spirit, if you allow it.  There is something that happens when you have to pray and ask for God’s help.  HELP ME LORD… I WANT TO EAT THAT MAC & CHEESE THAT I JUST COOKED FOR MY FAMILY! (that was day 6, Father's day)
6. It doesn't take a crowd!  I mentioned, in the beginning, that I didn't tell a bunch of girlfriends to join me because I wanted to learn to cheer for myself.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes you definitely need accountability partners to keep you motivated but there comes a time when it's just you and God and y'all need to be in conversation together.  ( I am grateful for my morning gym buddy  to help keep my body moving, but I wasn't going to ask her to join me on the cleanse.)
7. Now that I've seen results, I want to continue making healthy choices.  It won't be as extreme as the 10-day cleanse but it will still involve at least one green smoothie a day. (Well the next 3-4 days I'll have to be Jesus Junior anyway, so as not to feel sick and bloated. That would kinda defeat the purpose.)
8. This cleanse was a testament to myself that now I can begin accomplishing some of those other goals that I have:  beginning that next book, clearing up my credit, etc...  There ae so many other things that I must leave unstated, because I don't know what God has in store for me next.  As I continue to be available to Him, I know that He is going to have me doing some amazing things.  (Actually He's probably been waiting for me to get myself together anyway. Ha!)

 Alright that's enough for now, but I will share this news with you.
On Day 1, I weighed in at 216. 4 lbs.  This morning, Day 11, after much prayer and determination, I weighed in at ......drumroll please.....201 lbs.  That's a total of 15. 4 lbs lost.  I'm grateful!  I needed to see the drastic change to encourage myself to reach higher and farther.

So let me turn and encourage you....you are stronger than you can even imagine right now.  Don't allow your past mistakes and failures keep you from reaching forward. (Remember I tried this a few years ago and quit on day 5.) 
Allow yourself to feel the hurt, the frustration, the weariness and move past it! You can do this!

So be encouraged and walk it out.....

NOW WHAT?!- Day 9 of 10

Today, I found myself in a weird space.

It's the end of day 9 and I have done extremely well. ( I tried to write earlier in the day as I was working through some feeling and emotions.)  I really am proud of myself for sticking it out.  But when I tell you that I thought about just forgetting the whole thing today. The cravings that I didn't have in the beginning, I had them on Day 9.  Like, who does that?

I found myself talking myself off of the ledge saying, "come on Sharri,  just get through today and tomorrow".  I wasn't sad or happy, but it seemed as if my mind was playing tricks on me.  I was congratulating myself privately, while this question simultaneously occupied my brain..."NOW WHAT?".  I know there are ways to gradually return to solid foods,  so as not to eat too much of the wrong thing that would defeat this entire 10-day journey.   But I recognize that there are other emotions that I will gradually need to work through, which may take a little more time.

My body feels different. No I haven't stepped on a scale yet, but the touch of my skin has changed and my stomach appears flatter (bloating gone).  But something else feels different too. This cleanse has conjured some thoughts and emotions that I suppose have been hidden.  Some beliefs that I have concerning myself and others have taken center stage.  I guess I hadn't been "still" long enough to tap into these emotions; but now they're here and I'm saying 'now what?'. 

For me this cleanse was less about losing weight, but more about me gaining control over my eating habits, being mindful about what I was putting into my body and allowing to enter my spirit.  These last 9 days have not only affected my physicality, but my spirit is more open. Not open to others, but open and vulnerable to my own truth.  Oftentimes, I think we spend so much time doing, doing, doing that we lose sight of what it means to authentically BE.

Being happy in your skin.
Being happy with your thoughts.
Being truthful with how you feel.
Being open to the possibility that life has so much more to offer.
Being cognizant of the fact that there is more inside that still needs to be nurtured.
Being aware of who and what you allow to share the same space.
Being okay, with not being okay.  Simply asking yourself  the question "what comes next?" And feeling confident even when you can't answer the question right away.

Hopefully, day 10 will afford me the time to really tap into this question and find the answer(s) that will soothe my soul.

This is a total makeover: mind, body and soul and I'm interested in learning more about what it will take to feed every aspect of my appetite.

Don't be afraid to ask yourself the hard questions and be kind as you search and uncover the answers.

 Now walk it out...

From Pissed to Praying to Pooping

Well hello there....I'm sure that title just grabbed your attention. Ha!  ( I love what I do.)

As a physician, I consider many of the regular bodily functions that people seem to be so sensitive about as a beautiful part of the human experience.  Anatomy and physiology at work.  It's just wonderful.  Soooooo today we're going to talk about bowel movements.  What in the world?!  Sit tight....there's redemption at the end.

As you know I began my 10-day green smoothie cleanse this week....today I am on Day 6.  One of the things that the cleanse is supposed to do is help you detox your body via the urine or the feces. (calm down people....it's normal...you do it everyday...hopefully)  Anyway, before the cleanse I detoxed regularly/daily.  I'd never really had a problem with getting rid of the days intestinal byproducts; however, when I began the cleanse...it stopped.  That was strange to me!  I figured if I was getting all of the nutrients that my body needed, then I should be able to expel without any issues.  In the book it mentions "normal" while on the cleanse could be from 1 to 3 times a day. Well Day 3 showed some promise, but not like my usual.  By day 4, I was typing my concerns in the '10-day Green Smoothie cleanse FB group' asking for help.  Well the book, by JJ Smith, already mentions natural laxatives.  So I decided to try the sea salt drink (basically Epsom salt) the morning of Day 5, but nothing happened except me burping a little.  Then someone responded that I should be sure that I'm drinking half my body weight in water. ( I wan't doing that.)  So I decided definitely to increase my water intake for the day.

Okay, so put a pin there....let me go all the way back to the beginning!

On the 1st day of the cleanse, my husband said that he was going to join me.   From the outset, I knew this was a bad idea!  This time around I'd decided that I was showing up for ME.  I couldn't be his cheerleader when I was struggling myself.  We went to a salad bar for lunch and I actually only had my shake and ate boiled eggs and raw carrots off the bar.

I must admit though that I was immediately pissed!  I was mad at myself for wanting him to join me to my level of expectation.   I got mad at him for not trying hard enough, although I should have understood that he was actually trying to encourage me by joining me on the journey.

On day 3 while I was cooking and smelling my delicious caribbean jerk rice and beans, I drank my smoothie and didn't sample the food at all. (I used Chandler as my food taster and it was good to go.) I was so afraid that if I had allowed the slightest food to get acquainted with my taste buds, I'd be quickly swept into the modified version. I was so proud of myself, but I didn't realize that I was beginning to resent my husband. I wanted him to be strong enough for both of us when it was my time to be strong for myself. No excuses!

Y'all I was going in on him (in my head...never verbalized)  But as many of you know, the conversations in your head are the WORST and they are extremely TOXIC!  When you thnk negatively towards someone else,  you are actually poisoning your body.

Day 5, yesterday, as I rose early to do laundry, I took the saltwater laxative and only burped.  But during the day the Lord reminded me that I said that I was doing this cleanse for MYSELF.  So God was like, why are you tripping over your husband?  Why not pray for him?  Free that man from your unproductive thoughts.  So he and I visited a member in the hospital;  I shopped for Father's day with the boys; and decided that I was going to make a happy Sunday meal with ox tails, mac & cheese and sauteed broccoli and onions.  As the day progressed my emotions changed and the tone of my voice was getting better. ( When I tell you I was being short and tight-lipped previously....I'm serious.  Ugh!  I'm almost embarrassed to admit it.)  That afternoon we attended a healthy luncheon and I carried my green smoothie with me.  I was shocked at my discipline, although the little dessert cup had me thinking really hard. Ha!  I continued in prayer and began cooking last night.  My heart was melting towards my husband because I was shifting my focus. This was never about him, this was about my growth.

Instead of berating him for not doing what i was doing (Remember this wasn't his idea anyway.)  I began to pray "Lord thank you because he's an amazing man and I want him to be here for our children.  Help me to get myself together so I can be his cheerleader later".

As he worked on his sermon last night, I tried to be helpful and ask if he needed anything.  When I finally went to bed, I had a clear conscience.  No more mean thoughts, just utterances of prayer and thanksgiving.

Well this morning, Day 6, after checking the oxtails in the crock pot, I felt a rumbling in my tummy.  I was so excited to leave the kitchen and sojourn into the bathroom.  Deliverance had come!
And about 20 minutes later,  God had a double portion blessing and I was back in the bathroom. Ha!  Come on and tell the Lord THANKYA!

As I stood in the shower, the revelation came.

'Not only were your bowels locked up, but your spirit was clogged because you were holding Byron hostage.  Instead of focusing on what you were doing right, you were being sucked into finding everything that he was doing wrong ( in your eyes anyway).  Just as constipation can poison your body, you were poisoning your spirit by not letting him go and releasing him from your negative thoughts.  Though you never mumbled a word, your spirit was clashing with his and you were being drawn away from him.'

Okay God so you are saying that I couldn't get a natural breakthrough until I  increased my water intake and allowed your Holy Spirit to flow through me for a spiritual breakthrough.

Many of us are sick in our bodies, NOT because of disease but because of our unwillingness to forgive and let people go.  When we hold people hostage with un-forgiveness and bitterness, we are actually creating toxins that are building up in our bodies, which will only harm us.  That pain that keeps creeping up in your body, might be the result of holding a grudge.  That sore that won't heal might be the result of you bringing up hurtful things over and over again to tear another individual down.  Simply put....you can't start pooping until you're willing to start praying! Even if the situation hasn't changed, begin to believe God that it will change.  Begin speaking life and stop throwing darts.  Ask God to give you a heart of compassion and turn in your handbag of rocks that you've been hurling at folks.  Check your bowels and check your spirit. Are they free and clear?  Clear of toxins? Clear of strife? Clear of negativity?  When you increase your fluid intake and begin to pray,  you will rid yourself of the buildup of toxins.  Your body will respond accordingly and begin to heal itself.

So go ahead...if you need to be free... take a mild laxative...increase your water (Holy spirit)  and begin to pray and .......you, too, can go from being pissed to praying and eventually pooping.

Now head towards the bathroom and walk it out...
 

I CAVED!

I cooked for Courtland! Ha!

Day 3 of 10- CHECK YOUR INPUT

Did I mention that I do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE?
I must confess that I am a busy body.  I like to see things done and I want them to be done well.  Sometimes I can teach you and coach you through it; but then there are other times when no one else is available and I have to do it myself.  Because I've done it once, the next time when that situation rolls around, I just handle it without looking for a relief person.  I've got to get better at delegating responsibilities. Ha!

I'm on Day 3 of the Cleanse and I have been reflective and open to hearing God's voice for the past 2 days.  I'm reading a book by Austin Channing Brown,  "I'm Still Here Black Dignity in a World made for Whiteness".  When I say it is FIYAH....I mean it will set you ablaze when she talks about how black women have to navigate white spaces.  It is so good..... that I talked to both Chandler and Courtland this morning and told them that I will download it on their Nook.  It speaks to both their private and public educational experiences.  As they are growing up in a world that oftentimes demonizes black men, I want them to have the language to express and the capability to navigate the many all- white spaces in which they will find themselves.  Did I say it is FIYAH?  But something else spoke to me while reading this book.

I have a preacher friend in Memphis who messages me periodically about answering "the call".  She and I had the opportunity to minister at a women's conference in Canada a few years ago.  I was the only one out of the facilitators who was not a licensed preacher.  Oh she messed with me something terrible!  I told her that I KNOW that I've been called by God, but maybe just not to preach.  (insert her pursed lips and rolling of the eyes)   And just 2 years ago, another preacher friend, this one from New York, told me to stop saying what God hasn't done and just be open to what God wants to do through me.  Okay, okay.....I'm still not thinking that I will go the traditional route, but I am very aware of God's power and His ability to use me in whatever arena I may find myself.  Whether I am standing behind a church podium, a college lecture hall, a coffee shop or out  working in the community, I am answering " the call" to be God's mouthpiece and the extension of his loving arms at the moment.  Wherever God sends me, I can weave my blackness and my spirituality into one and speak truth to power to liberate others.

All of that was good, but it was not the revelation that God gave me to share.  So here it goes...

The Lord showed me this about 3 am.  Last night during Bible Study, after opening with a worship song, I had to run to the balcony and run the sound board and start the broadcast for the YouTube Livestream so we could capture Byron's teaching.  Last week I had done the same thing, with Chandler's help, but he was working last night so I was on my own.  I called one of our audio ministry workers (CM) for help because last week we didn't have sound and I wanted to make sure that I had it right this week.   Everything was plugged in, the camera was set,  the OBS (btw, I have no idea what that stands for) and YouTube windows were open and when I hit the "start streaming" I received an error message.  Something about the server!  CM took me through several options, by closing the program and reopening it and going directly to advanced settings; checking the IP address and hitting "start streaming".  NOTHING but the same error message. Ugh!  Meanwhile I'm missing the beginning of Byron's teaching and getting frustrated.  I told CM nevermind...we'lll figure it out for next week.  He hung up, but I couldn't let it go...

I shut down the program again and restarted it.  This time I went to advanced settings and instead of keeping the named IP address, there was a drop down window with other options, one that said 'default'.  Default for computers means 'a selection automatically used by a program in the absence of a choice made by the user'.  As soon as I chose the default option and hit the "start streaming" button, it actually STARTED STREAMING.  You don't say!  I called CM back, he laughed and then said "I see it, but I still don't hear sound on my end".  You have got to be kidding me!!!

Then he and I began going through audio options.  He directed me to the sound board to go to the lapel mic channel  AUX 6 and turn the knob.  NOTHING!  Then we tried AUX 6, 7, and 8...still NOTHING.  We tried the handlheld mic channel to mirror the lapel mic channel...AUX 6,7 and 8.  STILL NOTHING! Then he asked me a simple question...

A question that would change my life forever.  A question that God revealed to me at 3am was what was holding me back and keeping me hostage.  CM asked, "do you have it plugged into the correct input?"  I replied, "I'm not sure, it's plugged into Input 1". To which he corrected and told me that Input 2 is where my cable needed to be plugged.  

Well can you tell me what happened next?  Come on people...I know you're pretty smart. 

When I changed the input, the audio was immediately restored to the live YouTube feed.  Someone who was trying to watch online, had left a message in the news feed.  Once it was up and running, I replied " Sorry for the delay. the sound has been restored" and Bible study continued without a hitch.

But what was the word that God had for me?

God showed me that there are people waiting for you and I to be plugged in to the correct source.  
They can't receive the message that God has for them, if we are not plugged in correctly which would allow the message to flow through.  So many of us have been living life by default.  We were raised in church, know the church lingo, love God, have examples of God-fearing workers, sing in the choir, usher in the usher ministry, part of the outreach team, work in the community and the list goes on.  By default, we have picked up and been in environments that show us to be "good" people.  But GOD says there needs to be more.  We've been getting by with the default programming, but the message is still not being heard because we are not plugged into the correct input. The form of godliness is there, but it isn't until you look closer that you realize the input is wrong.  MY GOD!  God is saying to me that I can't just rest on my laurels and my history with God (my default system) and expect God to be heard through me.  I've got to look a little closer to him to make certain that I'm connected in HIM and not in what appears to be the correct channel.  (Insert singing..."Yes Lord")  It's more than just appearance, it's the right relationship.  

When you're plugged into the correct input, people will finally be able to hear the message which was intended for them from the beginning.  

You are the mouthpiece that God needs, but He needs you to be totally plugged into the correct source.  

Now take a moment to digest that word for your life, check your input and walk it out...

Day 1 of 10- Silence the Voices

Singing..."Today, was a good day!"  Or at least an interesting one.

I woke up this morning and prepared my snack bags (carrots, celery, boiled eggs, unsalted sunflower seeds and apple)  for the first 5 days of the detox.  They are in storage bags inside the fridge, so I can  grab one as I head out of the door.  After drinking the detox tea, I wasn't starving for the smoothie...I was able to wait about an hour.

Pretty uneventful....until I hit the gym around 12 noon.  As I was walking on the treadmill, I began to doubt myself.  Crazy!  I honestly felt REALLY REALLY good, but I started questioning how long I'd be able to last.  I began to feel sick & uneasy immediately because nervousness was setting in.  "This is too good to be true"; "I wonder when I'm gonna start feeling cranky and irritable";  "What would happen if I cheated"; "I would be a failure".

WAIT, WHAT?  Why are you trippin' Girl?   YOU FEEL GOOD, so don't allow fear to creep in and steal your joy!  When I began to talk back to the chatter in my head, the sick feeling dissipated and the voices had to shut it down.  In that moment, I realized that we are the masters at controlling our narrative.  I will have to remind myself the next few days that I am powerful.  I can either talk myself into a miracle OR talk myself out of a blessing.  The choice is mine and that was my midday revelation.  If I can control the negative thoughts and show gratitude in the present moment, I can handle anything.

So allow me to show gratitude...
Thank you Lord for allowing me to wake up this morning with a determination to begin anew.
Thank you because you allowed everyone in the house to sleep while I prepped and prepared for the day.
Thank you for that quiet time with you.
Thank you for allowing me hit the gym today.
Thank you for showing me how to quiet the chatter in my head.
Thank you for boiled eggs, sunflower seeds, carrots, celery and apples.
Thank you that the smoothie actually tasted good.
Thank you that when I was offered a bite of a red velvet cookie, I declined.
Thank you for helping me not to give in today, even though my family has a million to-go containers on the kitchen table. ( side note: I told them I wasn't cooking, so they better figure it out quickly.  I'm just sayin')
Thank you for the detox tea that I am currently drinking.
Thank you for the agility of my fingers to type this message.
Thank you Lord that my bed is less than 2 feet away from me and I'm about to have a great night's rest.

God if I had 10,000 tongues, I still would be unable to thank you enough.  I am truly grateful!

So keep praying for your girl, as I walk this thing out.  Just know that whatever you're facing, you can handle it.  We're walking on our way to FEARLESS...

The next 10-days are just for ME....my journey to becoming FEARLESS

At the beginning of 2018, I chose my "one word" for the year which is FEARLESS.  Or shall I say, it's the word that chose me.  I initially thought being FEARLESS was about getting my business back on track, writing that next book and obtaining more speaking engagements this year.  But after some self-reflection, I realized that I needed to be FEARLESS in my personal life, not just in the outward persona.  This needs to be the time that I  finally show up for myself.

One move I made...
A couple of months ago, I accessed my credit report from the 3 major credit reporting agencies.  There are some things that I need to clear up and I  have been afraid to look at the truth.  You see ignorance is sublime....if you don't know, then there is nothing to resolve or be afraid of.  However this is no way to live a productive and fulfilling life!  Once you find out the truth, you are forced to make some adjustments.  If my credit is jacked up, then it's time to fix it.  If I'm not living at optimal health, then I need to watch what I put in my mouth and get my body up and moving.  The bottom line is once you know the truth,  you now have a choice.  Do I just accept the situation or do I maneuver myself and start making adjustments?

I woke up early, about 2 days ago, with the book by JJ Smith, The 10-day Green Smoothie.  I knew it was on one of the bookshelves, so I searched a while until I located it and curled back up in the bed to reread it.  Although I had tried it before, a few years ago, and only made it to day 5; this time feels much different.  I think it's different because I not only want to change my outward appearance (shed some weight) but I want to use this as a spiritual journey to recenter my mind, emotions and spirit. 

I am a caregiver by nature (blame it on my mother), but oftentimes I care for others and ignore what I need.  I say yes often, when I really want to say 'no thank you, not at this time' or ' hell no' (depending on the day).  I don't get overly emotional about things, so I'll just keep it moving to keep peace and not cause a fuss.  But these 10 days, I want to be so in tuned to God and my inner voice that I don't seek to please anyone but myself.  I had to tell my husband and the boys that I will not be available to cook their meals...they are old enough (47, 18 and 14)  to handle it and will rise to the challenge.  I have NEVER done anything like this for myself and I'm so excited to accept the challenge.  When I mentioned it initially, Courtland and Byron wanted to join me.  I declined graciously.  If I have to make smoothies for others, then once again I'm losing this time to focus on myself.

During these 10 days I will delete a few apps off of my phone....facebook and messenger, maybe instagram too.  Why? Because I have found myself recently wasting 20-30 minutes at a time just scrolling.  I somehow lose track in the minutia of other peoples lives, so I need to stop and regroup for a moment.  I did decide that I will set aside some time every evening on my laptop, perusing through the apps that I just mentioned.  Why would I do this?  I still want to be in touch with the outside world, but I want to control it and not allow constant notifications to control me.

I didn't tell my girlfriends so they would join me and it become another challenge with accountability.  Although accountability is great, I need to revisit what showing up for Sharri looks and feels like.  I need to know how to pray my way through, if and when it becomes challenging.  I need to see the pom-poms in my head cheering Sharri Lor forward to victory. 

I will be doing a lot of reading during these 10 days (I honestly don't watch TV that much anyway).  Get lost in a book and not rely on a show to entertain me.  I am looking for a complete overhaul for the next 10 days.   Each evening I will check in by blogging about my day.  I promise to be honest about the good times and the challenging times. 

This is my road to FEARLESS.  I will decrease so that God might increase in my life.

I am not afraid...
If I can do it, then you can walk it out too....