Is it better to be selfish or selfless? Continue reading before you answer...

If you had the opportunity to choose whether or not you were selfish or selfless, most people would pick SELFLESS right??? (It just sounds better.)

Somehow to say that you are selfless seems noble and just.  To say that one is selfless is to say that they have little or no concern for oneself, especially with regard to fame, position, money, etc.  You think of people like Mother Teresa and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  Always there for others; putting the concerns of others before your own.    Some might even go as far to say that being selfless is synonymous with being close to God.  Hmm?  So what happens when in your selflessness, you begin to lose sight of who you are.  

You're good at diagnosing the problems for others, but fail to see that you are struggling yourself.  You focus on helping your children, your family, your friends, your co-workers, your church, your civic organizations, any and everyone; yet, you are slowly becoming unrecognizable to yourself.  In all of your doing, you have forgotten to breathe and live. So you run from one person to the next, one job to the next, one meeting to the next only to realize that you are empty at the end of the day.  You have poured so much of yourself out to others that there is nothing less for yourself.  You go to bed exhausted and frustrated, only to wake up the next morning and do the very same thing.  Ugh!

Wait!  Did I just strike a nerve?  Your stomach just became unsettled, didn't it?   You just realized that I have painted the canvas of your life.  Go ahead, take a deep breath!!!  The first step is awareness.  You now know that what you have been doing is a 'hot mess'! 

Selflessness has you with bags under your eyes, looking 5-7 years older than you really are.  
Selflessness has you suffering with anxiety with your bowels either locked up or flowing constantly.  
Selflessness has you developing a balding pattern due to the stress.  
Selflessness has you crying yourself to sleep at night because you are trying to figure out what's wrong, but can't quite put your finger on it.  
Selflessness has you mad at the very people that you are helping because you're waiting for them to participate in their own liberation. 
Selflessness has you putting your dreams on hold so as not to make others around you feel inadequate.
Selflessness has you digging yourself into an early grave.  

Is that too deep for you?  Some of you are probably questioning, "does this girl even know Jesus?...you're supposed to give your life for others".   (Don't deny it,  I felt you.)

Yes, God wants you to be there for others, but as my mother-in-law used to always tell me, "You can't give from an empty cup".    And many of you are EMPTY as you read this.  The question is, "Now that I am aware, how do I turn this thing around?" 

I simply say that it's time to be just a little selfish. Selfish is defined as devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare,etc.   Now I'm not saying that you should live your life ONLY caring about yourself, but maybe it's time to focus on yourself temporarily.

Temporary selfishness may look like meditating in the morning and taking cleansing breaths to start the day.
Temporary selfishness may look like having a a morning cup of coffee or smoothie on the back porch...just 15 minutes of quiet time.
Temporary selfishness may be taking the dog for a walk in the park or around the neighborhood.  (That's at least a 20-minute stroll of solitude).
Temporary selfishness may be joining an exercise class, once a week, and sticking to it. (Making everyone honor that this is YOUR time.)
Temporary selfishness might be taking the kids to the library and, once they're situated, sitting at your own table to write out your dreams and goals.
Temporary selfishness may look like eating by yourself during lunch rather than catching up on the latest gossip with co-workers.  
Temporary selfishness may look like taking a nap when the baby is napping, instead of cleaning the house. 
Temporary selfishness might be taking yourself to dinner during 'happy hour', not to meet anyone, but to get the same food for half-price at the bar.  (You won't feel guilty because you've saved a lot of money.)
Temporary selfishness might be going to bed early, while curling up with a good book. 

For some of you this might be hard to do, but it is necessary and it's worth it.  We all must learn to be good to ourselves before we can serve others.  When you are fulfilled, you won't struggle with helping to fill others. Temporary selfishness is nothing more than learning to live in the moment and with intention.  Intentionally carving out time for yourself before you dig yourself into a grave by giving selflessly to others. (Honey, they will cry at your funeral and will quickly move on when you're gone...so get a grip.)

It's a practice that you must adopt soon.  Your sanity depends on it!
So to answer the original question, "is it better to be selfish or selfless?".  I think it's absolutely necessary to be a little bit of both.  

Now walk it out...

Take your hands off the world

Today, I want to share a video message with you.  I didn't have to type and fully explain how God spoke to me regarding trusting Him and letting go.

Travel the journey with me on this Youtube clip, "Take your hands off the world".

I pray that you will be encouraged and simply STOP worrying about everything.

Now walk it out........

BIND it and RELEASE it!

Lord, there are sisters out there crying because they don't see how they are going to make it. I ask you, on their behalf, that you would give them peace right now in the name of Jesus.

Help them to see that there is a purpose in their pain. You desire to get the glory out of every situation and you have not left them. Let them see that you are right beside them, holding them up so that they will not fall. You did not forsake them, but you are building them up to be a blessing to someone down the road.

I BIND the spirit of depression that would come to weigh them down.
I BIND the spirit of anxiety that keeps them on spook at all times.
I BIND the evil spirit that would come to silence them and not seek out help.

I RELEASE the spirit of joy that would let them know that the "joy of the Lord is their strength"... and the strength of the Lord can be their joy.
I RELEASE the spirit of peace to envelop them and calm their minds.
I RELEASE the spirit of forgiveness so they can forgive themselves and learn to love themselves again.

For every tear that falls I ask that you would bottle it and then release it over their heads, as if you were pouring out blessings upon them. Rain on them as you reign over the Earth.

I believe that you can and will do it God and so I trust you and thank you as I close this prayer.

Allow each woman to adopt the song that they "I don't look like what I've been through". They may feel like they're currently in a fiery furnace, but help them to recognize that they can come out and not even smell like smoke.

We love you, we praise you and we honor you God!

And we walk it out with you…..

Sunday morning prayer

I FEEL LIKE PRAYING THIS MORNING! WILL YOU JOIN ME?...

Good morning Lord.
Thank you for allowing me to see this Sunday morning. There were so many who closed their eyes last night and did not wake to see this morning's sunshine. Obviously, you are not through with me yet. So since I have the ability to inhale and exhale, allow me to thank you for EVERY gift that you have given me.

Thank you for my mind that allows me to think on your goodness even though the situations that I face everyday are strong enough to take me under..... they don't. I'M STILL HERE!!! I am grateful that you trust me enough to send things my way that are designed to help me grow and mature. I thank you for the people whom you've placed in my pathway, because they allow me to see areas in my life where I need to grow.

I thank you God for loving me, even though I'm seemingly unlovable at times. ( that mean word I spoke, my attitude, the rolling of my eyes...I'm just sayin') You still think that I am pretty special God and that makes my heart smile. Help me to live up to your expectations of me. You desire me to be blessed, to be whole, to be restored, to be renewed, to be a blessing. It's good to know that it "is the Father's good pleasure to give ME the kingdom".

I am so humbled in your presence Dear God. Allow my steps to be ordered by you today. Allow the words that I speak bring life to someone. Allow the hug that I give uplift someone's spirit. Allow my words of encouragement to keep someone from giving up on life today. Even as I pray this prayer, someone has already prayed that you would give them a sign that you still love them.

...Oooo pick me, pick me God to show up on your behalf.

When I walk into the room and open my mouth to speak allow your words to roll off of my tongue, so they see YOU and not me. I'm just your vessel.

So I praise you, I thank you, I honor you, I bless you, I extol you, I worship you....

Today is blessed and I'm determined to be a blessing today.
In Jesus name I pray.......AMEN

Now walk it out... and change the world...one kind word, one nod of the head, one hug, one smile at a time.

Blessings & Smooches

MARK YOUR TERRITORY in 2016 !!!

     Last month, we had a major ice storm in Oklahoma City.  Power lines snapped under the weight of the ice.   Trees that had been there for years were now split into two.  It was strange that we would get that type of weather so early in the winter.  This usually doesn't happen until January or February.  The weather personalities from Al Roker to our local reporters in the City have been talking about "El Nino" causing such extraordinary weather patterns across the globe.  Anyway soon after the thaw, Arby and I decided to venture out for a walk.  He sniffed every tree, bush and seemingly every patch of grass along the way. During some of our walks together, it seemed as if his head never left the ground because he was so busy sniffing.  (Come on boy, let's walk already. Good grief!)

     One evening, I waited really late to walk him.  It was already dark outside, so instead of walking our normal path, we chose a shorter path that was in ear shot of our house.  I noticed that there were piles of leaves along our path and wouldn't you know it.....Arby sniffed every pile.  He'd sniff and prance away, sniff and prance away.  This was the pattern for most of the walk.  Since we had chosen a shorter route, I decided to do several laps so we could still make it a full mile.  Sniff and prance, sniff and prance..... WAIT!  He actually lingered over one particular pile of leaves.  Eventually we moved on.....1st lap done.  On the second lap, we approached this same pile of leaves and he kicked his leg up in the air, and urinated on the top of the pile.  Third lap....he kicked that leg up again and did the same thing.  I started to laugh and realized that he was marking his territory.

     What caused him to do this? I did some reading and it mentioned that you can tell a lot about a dog through their urine odor.  It's not necessarily meant for humans to decipher, but it is definitely something that other 4-legged creatures understand.  When a dog wants to appear large and in charge, it will leave his/her scent for the next dog by leaning to the side, kicking the leg high and then urinating.  The higher up the scent is on the tree or pole, the larger the dog appears to the next approaching animal.  Interesting!!!

    What was particularly fascinating to me was the next evening, we went out again after dark and chose the identical path as the previous night.  Sniff and prance, sniff and prance....WAIT!  We reached the same pile of leaves and YES............Arby kicked his leg up and marked the territory again.  It was at this time that I realized that God was talking to me and I want to share it with you.

     There have been things in our life that we've all had to experience.  Some great joys, some great sorrows, health scares, marital strife, overbearing parents, disobedient children, disloyal friends, ungrateful employers, divorce, death or financial difficulty.  Hopefully, you have not had to deal with all of these things at the same time, but I can almost guarantee that you've experienced at least 2 of these.  Arby's "pissing contest" (pardon me...)  gave me insight into how to deal with some of these issues.

It's time to mark your territory!

     As we enter 2016, it's time to speak up for yourself and let everyone know that you mean business.  It's time to mark the territory and tell the enemy that the little tricks and distractions that have been used against you before, CANNOT and WILL NOT work this time!!!  It's time for battle, not physically, but spiritually and emotionally.

     Perhaps you've been dealing with sickness in your body....mark your territory with Exodus 23:25 that says, Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you".

     Perhaps you've been dealing with mental instability...mark your territory with 2 Timothy 1:7 which states, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

     Heartbreak?...Mark your territory with Psalms 147:3, " He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."


     Financial problems?... Mark your territory with Philippians 4:19, "And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

     Dealing with difficult people?... Mark your territory with the thought that "People can not love, support or believe in you beyond their capacity."  Keep loving them, but love from afar.

     Dealing with patience?...Mark your territory with Isaiah 40:31, "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."  But you must also learn to worship and work, as you wait.

     Issue with forgiving yourself for your past?...  Mark your territory with Isaiah 43:18-19, “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it?  I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Let that thing go Baby!

     The bottom line is this...God has so much in store for you and it is His good pleasure to give you the kingdom.  However, God is not forceful!  If you don't invite Him into your situation, He'll stand back and watch you make a mess out of it.  His desire is that you would find that pole and just pee already.  Mark your spot!  Make your claim!  Establish your territory! Claim your domain!  Invite God in and keep the enemy out.  (Out of your mind, out of your body, out of your circumstance, out of your family, out of your bank account....OUT, OUT, OUT)

     2016 can be a year of promise and fulfillment.  It can be a year of making dreams come true and not just daydreaming.  Let 2016 be the year that you move closer with more boldness and determination towards your destiny.  It can and it will, if you mark your territory today!

Now walk it out..........go find the nearest pole, tree or pile of leaves and pee....Mark your territory!!! 

Blessed New Year !!!

      

Babe, I truly honor your role as their father!

Sometimes I think that I'm the bomb.com when it comes to mothering.  I can be funny, stern, engaging, hilarious, loving and so much more all while doing laundry, cleaning the house, preparing meals and working outside the home. On more than one occasion, I must admit, I have looked at my husband and thought, "I could do this without you".  Oh come on Ladies, don't get self-righteous on me.  If you're married and have children,  I'm sure there have been times that you looked at the amount of work that you do around the house and compare it to what he does.  Many times it seems that you are working your butt off and he is chilling. But today I have a totally different perspective of his amazing role in the lives of our 2 boys.

Last Wednesday, our 15-year old son had ACL surgery. (SPORTS!!!) On Thursday morning, my husband had to fly out of town for a few days.  I didn't mind it though because it gave me an opportunity to do what I love to do and that is  'mother'.  For 2 full days I had his meds timed, transported his CPM machine between the living room and his bedroom, made sure he was eating, held on to the back of his shirt as he maneuvered on the crutches to the restroom, rubbed his face and just loved on him. (Thanks to all our family and friends who picked up the younger son, carried him back and forth to school and kept him entertained. And thanks to those who came and sat with us or brought us food.  It meant so much!)

My husband flew back in town yesterday and all of a sudden I noticed a shift in Chandler's attitude.  He was a little more talkative.  He got up on the crutches and moved around a little more independently.  At the end of the night, he wanted to get on the CPM machine for one more hour, so I set it up in the bed.  While I was in the shower, I heard my husband moving around... Chandler was ready to go to sleep and he helped take him off the machine.  I was shocked....someone took my job. (I almost didn't know what to do.) This morning I woke up to the sound of crutches in the bathroom (or so I thought).  I jumped up, put my robe on, scurried around to make sure that I moved the rug off the bathroom floor so he wouldn't trip.  Well wasn't I surprised when I looked in the bathroom and he wasn't there?  He was lying in the bed, under the covers.  He was just smiling from ear to ear, when I asked had he just been walking.  He said, "yeah Mom I had to use the restroom".  Had I slept through him calling my name or did I miss the beep of the phone signaling that I had a text message?(That's how we communicated, instead of ringing a bell.)  I just stood there bewildered and said, "oh good for you Babe".  When I asked if  he was healed, all of a sudden since Daddy had come back in town, he said "I'm progressing Mom".  Oh okay then, still dazed.  Then he said, "oh and guess what Mom...Dad took me off the machine last night and I'm ready to get back on it now".

Once I left him in the room to go prepare breakfast, it made me think.  Dad was able to pull something out of him that I was unable to.  When he needed to be doctored, mothered and babied... I was the one.  But there came a time that he decided that he wanted to try some things on his own, he felt the confidence of his Daddy in the room which gave him more confidence to get up and move.  WOW!  I wasn't offended, but it made me appreciate how the presence of my husband actually affects the boys.  Dad didn't have to say anything special, he was just there!  Even after sending my husband off to church this morning, he is walking around the house on the crutches, has washed up for the day, put on clean clothes and has even begun to do some homework. (HW only after my strong persuasion, of course.)  He's regaining his confidence and smiling the entire time as he moves about.

Let me encourage you...

If you're a father, whether you're in the home or not of your children, please recognize that what you bring to the table is vital for your children's self-assuredness, growth and development.

If you're a mother and not with the child's father, please find a positive male role-model, coach, teacher, etc... for your son or daughter. They need to see life through a different lens and from another perspective.

Now I still might squawk a little bit when the tasks around the house become burdensome.  But then again, I might just sit back, get a glass of wine and allow my husband to do it.  He may do it slower, on his own schedule, and not the way I would do it...but I must honor his efforts and respect his role in our home.  Although it's December, I must say thank you and Happy Father's day to my husband.  Your presence means the world to ALL of us in this home.  Thank you for giving me 2 beautiful sons who will grow up to be strong African-American leaders and lovers of God.  Years from now when a reporter shoves a microphone in their face, after they've accomplished some wonderful feat, not only will they say" thanks Mom", but they can say "I'd like to thank both my Mom and Dad". (I just know they better say my name 1st.  I'm just saying....you know who the boss really is.)

Life is a journey and I really like the people on my immediate path.  My hope is that you will be able to experience the same joys.   Even if your family is set up differently from mine, you can still create an environment with people whom you love and trust, so that your children will appreciate every viewpoint that life has to offer. They will be better because of it.

Now walk it out...

My Dudes!

SCREAM!

Does your life seem like an open book?  I know mine surely does.

Sometimes I feel like God allows me to have specific life experiences, both good and bad, to "grow me up".  I also believe that many of these experiences aren't even about me, but God wants to bless someone else through my story.  If this is the case, then why am I so quick to hold onto my truth, in hopes to shield it from the opinion of others? 

The catch is we all must steady ourselves not to focus on others, but rather to focus on what God is trying to say to us and accomplish through us.  When you begin to think this way, it is easier to let go of the pride that would banish us to silence.  Our honesty could allow us to ask for help when needed. Then once we receive that help, it becomes our responsibility to share that with someone else.  I believe that many times we stay stuck in the pit way too long and it's simply because we refuse to scream out for help.  There are individuals specifically assigned to come to your aid, but they can't find you because you are allowing your mouth to remain closed.

I encourage you to be honest with yourself, open up your mouth, SCREAM for help, receive the ministry that is given and share it with others so they too may be blessed.

Remember what you are experiencing now may not be about you.  God ultimately wants to get the glory out of your life.

Now walk it out...