Somehow to say that you are selfless seems noble and just. To say that one is selfless is to say that they have little or no concern for oneself, especially with regard to fame, position, money, etc. You think of people like Mother Teresa and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Always there for others; putting the concerns of others before your own. Some might even go as far to say that being selfless is synonymous with being close to God. Hmm? So what happens when in your selflessness, you begin to lose sight of who you are.
You're good at diagnosing the problems for others, but fail to see that you are struggling yourself. You focus on helping your children, your family, your friends, your co-workers, your church, your civic organizations, any and everyone; yet, you are slowly becoming unrecognizable to yourself. In all of your doing, you have forgotten to breathe and live. So you run from one person to the next, one job to the next, one meeting to the next only to realize that you are empty at the end of the day. You have poured so much of yourself out to others that there is nothing less for yourself. You go to bed exhausted and frustrated, only to wake up the next morning and do the very same thing. Ugh!
Wait! Did I just strike a nerve? Your stomach just became unsettled, didn't it? You just realized that I have painted the canvas of your life. Go ahead, take a deep breath!!! The first step is awareness. You now know that what you have been doing is a 'hot mess'!
Selflessness has you with bags under your eyes, looking 5-7 years older than you really are.
Selflessness has you suffering with anxiety with your bowels either locked up or flowing constantly.
Selflessness has you developing a balding pattern due to the stress.
Selflessness has you crying yourself to sleep at night because you are trying to figure out what's wrong, but can't quite put your finger on it.
Selflessness has you mad at the very people that you are helping because you're waiting for them to participate in their own liberation.
Selflessness has you putting your dreams on hold so as not to make others around you feel inadequate.
Selflessness has you digging yourself into an early grave.
Is that too deep for you? Some of you are probably questioning, "does this girl even know Jesus?...you're supposed to give your life for others". (Don't deny it, I felt you.)
Yes, God wants you to be there for others, but as my mother-in-law used to always tell me, "You can't give from an empty cup". And many of you are EMPTY as you read this. The question is, "Now that I am aware, how do I turn this thing around?"
I simply say that it's time to be just a little selfish. Selfish is defined as devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare,etc. Now I'm not saying that you should live your life ONLY caring about yourself, but maybe it's time to focus on yourself temporarily.
Temporary selfishness may look like meditating in the morning and taking cleansing breaths to start the day.
Temporary selfishness may look like having a a morning cup of coffee or smoothie on the back porch...just 15 minutes of quiet time.
Temporary selfishness may be taking the dog for a walk in the park or around the neighborhood. (That's at least a 20-minute stroll of solitude).
Temporary selfishness may be joining an exercise class, once a week, and sticking to it. (Making everyone honor that this is YOUR time.)
Temporary selfishness might be taking the kids to the library and, once they're situated, sitting at your own table to write out your dreams and goals.
Temporary selfishness may look like eating by yourself during lunch rather than catching up on the latest gossip with co-workers.
Temporary selfishness may look like taking a nap when the baby is napping, instead of cleaning the house.
Temporary selfishness might be taking yourself to dinner during 'happy hour', not to meet anyone, but to get the same food for half-price at the bar. (You won't feel guilty because you've saved a lot of money.)
Temporary selfishness might be going to bed early, while curling up with a good book.
For some of you this might be hard to do, but it is necessary and it's worth it. We all must learn to be good to ourselves before we can serve others. When you are fulfilled, you won't struggle with helping to fill others. Temporary selfishness is nothing more than learning to live in the moment and with intention. Intentionally carving out time for yourself before you dig yourself into a grave by giving selflessly to others. (Honey, they will cry at your funeral and will quickly move on when you're gone...so get a grip.)
It's a practice that you must adopt soon. Your sanity depends on it!
So to answer the original question, "is it better to be selfish or selfless?". I think it's absolutely necessary to be a little bit of both.
Now walk it out...
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