Two nights ago, the Golden Globe Awards Show was on the television. I was doing something else, but I remember looking up periodically and the movie 'Marriage Story' had been nominated in several categories. Because my hubby and I host an annual marriage retreat, I was intrigued.
Last night after running around together as a family, we decided to go to our own corners of the house and watch whatever we wanted to watch on television. I'm really not an action flick chic...I am more the romantic comedy or sappy love story, so I chose the movie, " Marriage Story" and no one dared to bother me. Ha!
I hadn't watched the trailer, so I really didn't know what the movie was about. I just turned it on, and sat down with a bowl of cheerios, ready to be entertained. I was surprised after the first scene that this movie was not about a happy, loving marriage building and growing stronger together; but rather it is described as an "incisive and compassionate look at a marriage breaking up and a family staying together".
Break up?! Umm...not quite was I was looking for, as the co-host of a marriage retreat where our goal is to strengthen marriages...BUT IT SPOKE TO ME.
The movie is poetic as it begins from the viewpoint of each spouse writing down and telling why they fell in love with the other individual, then the rest of the movie away from that. I won't give it away if you haven't seen it, but I will share with you the lessons that were learned.
Number one lesson: Be true to who you really are. This can apply to your marriage, friendships, family, workplace interactions, etc... So many times we enter relationships and because we've been together for a long time we think that one must begin compromising oneself away, so as not to ruffle any feathers. Initially, you may have set out building relationship and trusting one another, then you hit a bump in the road and realize that "I don't want to do it like that anymore". Speak up! Not to hurt the other individual, but rather to let them know what s going on inside of you. You are cheating the other individual out of getting to know and love the real you.
Number two lesson: Give grace to allow others to grow. First of all, I hope you are engaged in relationships where you can be authentically open and honest with one another. Relationships are not static, but dynamic and ever-evolving and we must allow grace for the other individual to grow. Who they were 20 years ago is probably not the exact replica today. Heck, depending on what happened 2 weeks ago, they have already begun to shift just a little bit. Take a deep breath.....it's going to be alright. Change is inevitable...the key is giving grace and allowing that change to take place.
Number three: Be clear in your expectations and check in periodically, when you are not in crisis mode. In the movie, there was a scene where the individuals started out having a cordial conversation, then it shifted totally when they began to share what their experience was within the relationship. Each one of them had their own version of what had happened in the marriage and they spoke to the other person with such vitriol. Uh, it was so painful to watch!!! But when it was over, they both stood in heartache, tears, regret and yes, even forgiveness. If you work a 9 to 5 job, at some point you've had a quarterly or yearly review. This is the time when a supervisor has an opportunity to review your work and share (hopefully positive) feedback with you. It is difficult not to fight back, if the supervisor disagrees with your work; but it is necessary to receive the comments so you can grow and become a better employee. (Side note: If you don't like the review system, you might want to start your own company and be your own boss. Ha!) This extremely difficult conversation was the shift for them and they actually began building and working together to create the best environment for their son.
You might be wondering, "so what are you saying Sharri?' This is not 'happy new year' language!". But I beg to differ....
The beginning of a new year is the perfect time to reevaluate ALL of your relationships. Have discussions with your people to make sure that you are being authentic and bringing the best version of yourself to the table. If you are not being true to yourself, how in the world can you be true to others? Take a moment to get away and spend quiet time with yourself, then go back and check in with those with whom you are relationship. When Mommy transitioned in 2013, I began to see life a little differently. But Baby.....when Daddy transitioned (almost a year ago), my entire universe sHiFtEd. I'm so grateful to those around me who have given me grace to hurt, stretch and evolve. But I'm also patting myself on the shoulder for not allowing myself to become stagnant, but rather giving myself an opportunity to experience new things and take flight.
Do the self-work this January! Set yourself up for authenticity and success, by digging deep and uncovering the better version of yourself. You are worth it and all of your relationships will be better because you've done the work.
During these 21 days, dig deep and get ready to emerge so you can..... walk it out.
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