Get out of your Head and Follow your Heart

There isn't much more I can say about this title.

It's time to "Get out of your Head and Follow your Heart".  Sometimes we spend so much time contemplating the next step, rather than just taking the 1st step.  When we step out into what God has for us, we move close and more quickly towards our purpose and destiny. 

You know what God has already assigned to you.
You know the peace you'll experience when you obey the call.
You know how God will ultimately get the glory.

So get out of the way, get out of your head and follow your heart!

Now walk it out...... (drop the mic and exit stage left)

Are you Listening to Your Body?

     This month, I downloaded an app on my phone that is supposed to help you meditate, relax, calm down and be mindful.  It took me over 2 weeks to complete a 7-day meditation schedule.  Hmm?  Obviously there is something already off about the math. (Perhaps I need to slow down.) Yesterday as I was lying in my hammock, I finally completed day 7.  The theme was awareness. The instructor in the app, quietly talked about the importance of being present and aware of what our bodies are telling us.

     Do you eat only when you're hungry or do you eat just because there is food present?  Do you sleep when you're tired or do you busy yourself until you simply fall out in bed?  The exercise was about sitting still and being aware of every sensation you feel as you move certain parts of your body.  What is the sensation you get as you blink your eyes, or move your neck or notice how your chest rises and falls as your breathe?  What do you feel when you wiggle your toes or your fingers?  I started out listening to her then my mind began to wander as I realized how unaware I have become.  (Obviously, I failed the meditation part of clearing the mind. Ha!)

     On most days, I know that my body is tired, because I rarely sleep all night and wake up long before the alarm clock ever goes off.  Yet, my internal motor ( in my head) pushes and pushes until I can't take any more and my temper is short.  Rather than take a 20 minute nap or close my eyes for a little while,  I run through a mental checklist (which manifests itself physically) of things that need to be done: washing & folding clothes, cooking a meal, running a vacuum, helping with homework, preparing to teach my classes the next day or getting ready for the next praise team or choir rehearsal.  So by the end of the night, if asked a question, my answers are usually short because I'm beyond exhausted. 

     I know most of you can attest to the feeling of eating when you're bored.  You didn't experience any real hunger pains, but you went into the kitchen just to scope it out anyway.  For some of us, we've wound up dehydrated when we chose not to listen to our bodies as it screamed for fluids.  Many of us have seen our blood pressure increase, not because we were eating foods high in sodium, but because we are stressed out due to the demands that we have placed on ourselves.  "Gotta be faster, stronger, smarter and work harder than anyone else";  yet our bodies are telling us to take a seat, rest a while and be secure in the fact that we are enough. 

    So why am I writing this?  I have to share this because many of you are like me......you need to slow down.   I have encouraged so many to take care of themselves, rest and get away for a while, but it almost takes an act of God to make me slow down.  I have a friend, who recently retired, and is on a month long sabbatical to become certified in teaching yoga IN ANOTHER COUNTRY.  I am so excited for her that she honored herself enough to unplug and better herself.  Do you think she is stressing right now?  Heck nah.  She is currently in a warm climate, forced to take time for herself and learning the effects of proper stretching and breathing.  She is totally present.  If she were constantly worried about what was going on back in Oklahoma, she would be doing herself a great disservice.  So perhaps you and I can't get away for a month at a time, but there are some things that we can do to live in the moment.

Here's a short list of ways you can honor yourself by listening to your body and becoming more aware of what it's trying to tell you.

• Set your alarm clock 10-15 minutes earlier than usual, so you have time to relax in the morning and gather your thoughts before the rest of the house wakes up.  You begin the day more clearly.
• Use a part of your lunch to go for a walk or get out of the office (Stop eating at your desk.)  Sometimes unplugging from the work environment for 10 minutes helps you to become more productive in the afternoon.
• If you know you've had a rough day and need to go home.  Don't go right away!  Drive the long way home so you can calm your spirit before you walk through the door and are bombarded with the needs of others. (If I weren't trying to watch what I was eating, I'd tell you to get a milkshake for the long drive. Yummy!)
• Once at home and you've engaged with the family, tell them when you need 5-10 minutes to decompress from the day.  Take a book or magazine into the bathroom or sit on the back porch and let everyone know that you need a few uninterrupted minutes. (Give that time a name, so your family knows how to respect it.  They will learn "safe" words too for when they need to take a moment for themselves.)  Most family arguments stem from people responding to each other with a short fuse because they are simply tired / frustrated.
• Set your bedtime 30 minutes earlier.  (Many of our health issues stem from sleep deprivation.)

The bottom line is ......there is only one of YOU and you need to be aware of what your body is trying to tell you.  My body is telling me right now that it's time to cut you loose and focus on me for the  rest of the evening.

Now walk it out...

Do you Need a Face Mask? (Soulful Sunday Series)

This past week, my husband and both of our sons were sick.  I don't believe it was the flu, but it was serious enough that they all missed school and work.  My husband was the first one to go down.  He began feeling sick on Saturday, but after preaching twice on Sunday, was a wreck by the time Monday came around. Coughing, chest congestion and fatigue was his plight.  His illness didn't become real to us in the house, until our oldest started feeling ill and missed school on Tuesday.  On Wednesday, our younger son and I made a pact that we were not going to get sick.  As fate would have it,  he missed school on Thursday.  At this point, I finally realized that we had a MAJOR problem that promised to take us all under in another day or so.  I knew I needed to stop the spread of germs in our home.  Yes, we are family and have grown immune to each others system; however, an outside virus or bacteria had infiltrated our little home.

I ran to the local pharmacy and purchased a box of medical face masks and insisted that everyone use one.  They laughed initially, but quickly realized that they were protecting themselves from spreading and picking up additional germs.  The rule was if you were in your own room, you didn't have to wear the mask; but as soon as you entered the common living areas you had to put one on.  Dad continued to balk at the idea, but the more he coughed and received crazy stares from all of us, he finally gave in.

As I was lying in bed,  I began to think about what this actually meant beyond the cold. I was reminded of the many times that I spoke out of turn or allowed negative words to exit my mouth.  I'm sure this has happened to many of us.  We've carried germs ( like a mean disposition, bitterness, harboring hate and sowing seeds of discord) and every time we opened our mouths to cough we spread little droplets of sputum into the atmosphere.  Many times those around us noticed immediately and tried to cover their mouths or move away.  But many times they entered the room afterwards and unbeknownst to them placed their hands on the table where the sputum landed, subsequently rubbing their eyes, nose or mouth and transferring those germs into their own body.  If their immune system was compromised in any way the germs were given license to breed.

So who actually needs to wear a face mask?  The one inside the room with the cold or the one entering the room?  I say both parties need face masks.  One is looking out for others and one is protecting themself.  One is being mindful of an intruder and careful not to spread it, while the other realizes that they need a barrier to protect themselves from being invaded.

There have been times when I've played both roles.

I must admit that I've had to catch myself from gossiping and speaking negatively about someone else from time to time.  I needed the face mask (the Holy Spirit) to help me bridle my tongue when I really wanted to give someone a harsh tongue-lashing.  I've been the one who realized that if I didn't bring myself under subjection and display self-control that I would inevitably spread more hurt, pain, nastiness and negativity.  At another point in my life, when I became a little more aware, I would enter a room and recognize that I needed to protect myself from the negativity.  There have been times when I've walked into a room and felt the heaviness of the sputum weighing the air down.  Sometimes the barrier or face mask was represented by my walking back out of the room, while at other times the barrier was demonstrated by consciously spreading positivity, light and love to those already inside of the room.

The bottom line is we all need to practice mindfulness.  If we are carrying infection inside of us, we need to put on a face mask until we can get an antibiotic in our system to clear the germs.  And if we know someone is sick, we need to be mindful enough to put on a face mask and remove ourselves from the situation until the air has been cleared and disinfected.

The face mask is designed to block and bless.
The face mask is designed to prevent and preserve.
The face mask is designed to safeguard and screen.
The face mask is designed to forgive and fortify.

Since ALL of us need a face mask for one thing or another, it becomes our job to seek God to see which side of the room we are actually on.  Are we the progenitors or the preventers of the spread of disease?  Only YOU can answer that question.

So if you need to wear a face mask, don't be ashamed; you have taken the first step in realizing the power of choice that lies inside.  What will you choose?

Now grab your face mask and walk it out....

To Thine Own Spiritual Self Be True

On Saturday, I had an amazing opportunity to share light and love with young women of color at the University of Oklahoma.  The conference was called S.O.U.L. conference.  It stands for Sisters of OU Living, Loving, Learning and Leading.

      My topic was about recognizing the spiritual side of you.  How can young women take care of their spiritual side as they pursue their education?  Do you even need to recognize spirituality as you're matriculating through school?  Well of course.  Here are a few highlights that I shared with those beautiful young sisters, that I believe will be helpful to you as you walk in your purpose.

 We are all spiritual beings. 
 

     I like the scene in the movie Avatar where they are all around the tree seemingly praying and connected to one another.  You hear weeping and wailing…the cries and prayers of the people.  When my husband and I saw this we almost started to shout....we said "that’s just like church".  

In the movie Avatar there are many scenes that communicate the idea of the plant and animal life of Pandora being in a unified relationship. Each animal is equipped with an antenna, or a queue, that allows the animals to communicate with each other and that the whole planet.  They are able to communicate because they are connected.  I get goose bumps when I see that scene.  It’s almost like an awakening that I feel with the realization that we are all connected in some way.

     Now wouldn’t that be lovely to be able to see through the mess of people and see their soul.  Sometimes we’re so engrossed with the external shell that we forget that somewhere behind all of the toughness, meanness, bitterness and façade that there is an innocence or openness.  The problem is that oftentimes we’re unwilling to see it in others because we’re unable to see it in ourselves.  

I can’t see the goodness in my sister, because somewhere along the way I  was told that females were shifty.

I can’t see the innocence in my sister, because I was molested and my innocence was taken away and now I'm suspicious of everyone.

I can’t see the confidence in my sister, because I am sensing my own low self-esteem and fear.

So rather than trying to make a connection and being authentic, I put up a wall and keep people out. But then I go further to find people or a circle of friends who don’t challenge me but help me to feel comfortable in my own mess and shadiness.
     As women of color, we have a long history of connection with each other.  Africans, in their veneration or worship of the ancestors, believe that they are connected to those who’ve gone before.  Not only am I connected but also I’m grateful for the connection and remember and honor them.  Without them, I wouldn’t be here.

     I have been on this wellness kick with a group of accountability partners and in the FB group that I started, called “Parenting on Purpose University”.  The idea of wellness is paramount.  We realize that as my mother-in-law used to always tell me when she saw me running around like a crazy woman….”Baby you can’t give from an empty cup”.  Which translates, Girl slow down and pace yourself. 

You can’t give energy that you don’t have.

You can’t show love that is not there.

You can’t offer compassion to others, if you don’t have any for yourself.

If you’re depleted, you have nothing to offer anyone else.

We use the hashtag #selfcare.

·       #selfcare means taking the time to celebrate you

·       #selfcare means investing in your own growth & development

·       #selfcare means to make sure you take care of your body, because it has to carry you and all of your issues around

·      #selfcare means to revel in the quiet time and stolen moments away from the noise and drama

     #Soulcare is slightly different from selfcare.  Selfcare is about taking care of yourself, while soulcare is about nurturing the innermost part of YOU.  Soulcare is about finding the connection to yourself, by finding a connection with God so that you can work at  the top of your potential.  Soulcare is saying to God, " without you I am nothing", so I acknowledge you in everything that I do and accomplish.

1. Clear the Clutter!

      Let people go that no longer suit you.  Sometimes we think that we have to hang on to people just because they were our 'ride-or-die' 2 years ago.    I challenged every young woman in the room to pull out her phone and delete one phone number of a person who is adding nothing to her life.  That's the practical side, but there is a mental, emotional and spiritual side as well.  Delete those thoughts in your mind that no longer suit you.  Don't hang on to the lies that you may have been telling yourself for years.  Lies like: I'm not good enough; I'm not pretty enough; I'm a woman and can't achieve.  Lies, lies, lies......please let them go.

2. Align yourself with positive thoughts and positive people. 

     Now that you are clearing those thoughts, replace them with positive thoughts.  "I am the head and not the tail.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Greater is the God within me than he that's in the world."  Now your job is to find a positive circle of friends who can LOVE you just the way you are, while they are yet pushing you to be the best version of yourself.

3. Renew the Commitment to be true to yourself and to God.

     Those promises that you made to yourself that you were going to work hard and love even harder; go back and fulfill them.   You promised to always be authentic....start today. You promised to give God thanks for all that's been bestowed upon you.....so begin living a life of gratitude.

4. Embrace and Express the new soulful you!

     Embrace the fact that you are growing into your greatness and walking into your purpose.  Don't be ashamed about it.....walk in it  and be glad.  You've worked hard to get here, now share it with someone else along the way.  Your story matters! (as one of the other speakers mentioned)

Finally, be true to yourself and true to the God that's within you. Take care of your soul!

Now walk it out....