OMG...did that just come out of my mouth?: 40-day family-focus

I’ve been hesitant in telling this story.  Probably because it was not one of my stellar moments as a mother.  I was tired and frustrated and probably should have sat down somewhere.  I couldn’t check out, so I took it out on my children. 

Honestly, I’ve been trying to write another story of how we have been holding hands and singing Kumbaya, but the Holy Spirit kept convicting me and told me that if I was going to tell the story, be ready to tell the entire story.

So here it goes…

One Sunday, me and the boys were preparing to leave for our 11am service.   My husband had left earlier that morning for the 8:30 am service.  We had gotten up, eaten breakfast and because I wasn’t feeling well (just tired and yucky) I decided that I needed to walk the dog for some exercise.  My younger son and I walked the dog and all seemed fine.  When we got back to the house, my older son still had not showered and was just “slow-playing”.  Several times, I tried to speed him along, he resisted and I began to get annoyed.  The final straw was that I had already ironed a shirt and he wanted to wear something else.  I told him to keep on what he had on and he started to walk out the room, as I was still talking (okay, maybe I was yelling at this point…don’t quite remember). Anyway, as he walks out, I called his name and instead of just saying ‘yes mom’ or just turning around, he decided to be quick in the mouth and retorted, “that’s my name”.  Well I lost it!  Did I punch him in the throat? No. Did I run and jump on his back, pounding him as I took him down? No.  Did I throw a shoe at him?  No.

But what I did caught my attention as it came out of my mouth.  I screamed to the top of my lungs, “_*&*&*_, have you lost your mind?”  Now you might be thinking, ‘Geesh, that’s not so bad; at least you didn’t lay your hands on him’.  But I might as well have, because it echoed in the hallway and it sounded so venomous. Strike one!

This was major because I refuse to let the two of them call each other names.  I don’t want them to get adjusted to calling anyone names or allowing anyone else to call them out of their name. So this was MAJOR and I was even madder, because now I’m mad at myself.

Strike 2 came when my younger one needed help putting on his bowtie and I kept telling him that I would help him after I got dressed. 5 minutes later, he’s knocking on the door again and then 5 minutes after that.  Uh hello, little one…did you see how I just went off on your brother…back up please. The last time, he pounded the door and walked in with an attitude and sat in the chair.  I quietly went to my husband’s closet, pulled out a belt, starting yelling and hit the wall.  (No I did not hit the little boy…take your hand off of speed dial.)  As I was yelling, I began to cry and I knew that I was out of control.

Strike 3…I went to church without resolving the issue.  But the entire time I sat in church, the Holy Spirit was convicting me. 

How could I sit up here and act as if everything was alright?  In fact, I was so out of sorts that if the wrong person would have said something, I might have pounced on them.  (What?!  Not the 1^st lady…don’t judge me) Anyway, I repented to the Lord, but it wouldn’t be right until I repented to my children.

Once we got home, before we ate dinner, I went to them in the living room and began to talk. “ Hey Guys, let me apologize for this morning. Mommy was out of control.  I was tired and didn’t feel well and I overreacted.  I shouldn’t have called you out of your name.  Just like I tell both of you, Mommy needs to control her emotions.”  I continued by letting them know that I was really sorry.  The conversation went on a little further about how we all need to know when we just “need a minute, to get it together”.  I explained to them the things that frustrate me when I have to ask them over and over again to do something or if they seem ungrateful.  It was actually an open and honest conversation that needed to take place.  We went with the rest of the evening, as if nothing had happened at all.

What can we all learn from this?

1. Learn to take cues from your own body.  If my body is tired and drained, then most likely so is my brain.  I must learn to pause and gather myself and to determine if the problem lies with the children or I’m I frustrated due to my own circumstances.
2. It’s acceptable to apologize to your children when you’re wrong about something.  Our goal is to raise empathic and conscientious children, so they need a role model.  They needed to see that I was not exempt from admitting when I acted out of line. 
3. Don't sit up in church acting like everything is alright, when you know that there is something that you need to fix in your home. Praise and worship doesn't negate bad behavior.
4. Kids are so forgiving.  My boys had moved on from the mornings’ events, but I think they respected me even more when I stopped to admit my mistake. 
5. Name-calling benefits no one.

Please learn from my mistake and walk it out…