40-day Focus on the Family Finale: What I had to nail to the cross

Well we made it through the 40-days of the Lenten season and 40-days to focus on my family.  The 1^st day, I mentioned how God had impressed upon my heart to not “give up” anything for lent, but rather to “pour into” doing this season.  It was during this time that I poured into my family: my husband, the boys and yes, even the dog. Throughout this entire 40-day journey God has shown me some things about myself through my mishaps and joys.

Parenting and being tied to a family is nothing that should be taken for granted.  Just because you are physically able to bear children doesn’t necessarily qualify you to have what it takes to raise them.  I know the parenting journey can be trying at times, but if you’re intentional about it…you will reap the rewards of your diligence.  This is also true if you’re in a loving, committed relationship. You have to be deliberate about your actions and be careful how you choose your words.

I can hear you asking,” Okay that’s nice Sharri, but what did you learn throughout the process? 

Thank you for asking!

We, as Christians, just celebrated Resurrection Sunday (Easter), which marks the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. Good Friday was the day that He sacrificed his life and was nailed to a rugged cross so that we might experience God’s salvation and everlasting joy.  In the out-pouring of myself on my family, God has been pouring into me. I am going to share a few lessons that I’ve learned throughout this 40–day family focus journey and what I had to nail to the cross. 

Lesson#1:

I nailed my pride to the cross.

I’ve written a few times of how I had to apologize to both my husband and my children during this period.  In times past, I would have fought to the death and justified why I did certain things just to prove that I was right.  But God showed me through that cup of tea and even in the name-calling incident that I am not always correct and really don't have to be. It’s alright to admit when I’m wrong, that I might not have all the answers and it’s even better when I confess my faults to my family.

Result:

My family’s trust in me is resurrected.

They can trust their feelings with me because my goal is not to override them, but to partner with them. (And you can partner with them, even in your discipline.  It’s about how you do it.)   Pride is dangerous, because after a while you gain a warped view of yourself.  Once your family loses faith and trust in you, it’s hard to get it back under control.  The best way to do it is to simply say, “I’m sorry” and allow your actions to display the sentiments of your heart.

Lesson #2:

Nail “taking yourself too seriously” to the cross and resurrect a fun-loving jovial spirit.

I have had so much fun with my kids by just being plain silly.  Whether I was flying paper airplanes or recording them as they enjoyed a bedtime dance-off, we simply laughed and played together.  Do you understand what laughter does for you mentally, spiritually and even physically?  It lowers blood pressure, lowers the stress hormones, exercises the stomach and back muscles, and improves creativity, alertness and mood.  I have noticed both of my boys laughing at and with me and I think it allows them to see that life can be joyful.  Perhaps when Mommy tripped up the stairs and started laughing at herself…they will remember that when they are in a situation that might cause them to be embarrassed.  My hope is that instead of them going into a state of depression, when they are faced with an embarrassing situation, they would learn to laugh it off and keep it moving.  That rings true for my husband, as well.  I used to be so sensitive if he talked about something that I had on or criticized the way that I would do things.  But now, I can laugh it off and oftentimes crack a joke right back, which can end with a little kiss, giggle or a pinch.

Lesson #3:

Nail impatience to the cross and resurrect longsuffering and compassion.

I didn’t initially understand why I was calling this a 40-day journey, but now I totally get it.  The word journey can be described as a period of travel from one place to another with stops along the way.  Or it can be defined as a progression from one stage to another.  Focusing on your family is just that…a journey.  It took me 40 days to learn just 3 of these lessons.  As the boys continue to grow through various ages and stages, the journey will become more interesting, creating more opportunities to learn through the life lessons.

The joy of it is that I am now aware of some things and I know to be more deliberate in how I exist with my family.  It’s about being transparent, admitting that I have flaws and then “resetting” until I find the right frequency for the moment.  Today I may have it figured out; then tomorrow might hit me with something that knocks me off of my feet.  I must recognize that every situation that I’m faced with is an opportunity to show my family how I deal with life, with God’s help, and empower them to handle their struggles as they are challenged.

Final lesson:

I live with some of the coolest dudes around: my husband, our 2 sons and the dog.  I am blessed to have them on my journey and I count it a privilege to be a part of theirs.

Now go home, love on your own family and walk it out……….

OMG...did that just come out of my mouth?: 40-day family-focus

I’ve been hesitant in telling this story.  Probably because it was not one of my stellar moments as a mother.  I was tired and frustrated and probably should have sat down somewhere.  I couldn’t check out, so I took it out on my children. 

Honestly, I’ve been trying to write another story of how we have been holding hands and singing Kumbaya, but the Holy Spirit kept convicting me and told me that if I was going to tell the story, be ready to tell the entire story.

So here it goes…

One Sunday, me and the boys were preparing to leave for our 11am service.   My husband had left earlier that morning for the 8:30 am service.  We had gotten up, eaten breakfast and because I wasn’t feeling well (just tired and yucky) I decided that I needed to walk the dog for some exercise.  My younger son and I walked the dog and all seemed fine.  When we got back to the house, my older son still had not showered and was just “slow-playing”.  Several times, I tried to speed him along, he resisted and I began to get annoyed.  The final straw was that I had already ironed a shirt and he wanted to wear something else.  I told him to keep on what he had on and he started to walk out the room, as I was still talking (okay, maybe I was yelling at this point…don’t quite remember). Anyway, as he walks out, I called his name and instead of just saying ‘yes mom’ or just turning around, he decided to be quick in the mouth and retorted, “that’s my name”.  Well I lost it!  Did I punch him in the throat? No. Did I run and jump on his back, pounding him as I took him down? No.  Did I throw a shoe at him?  No.

But what I did caught my attention as it came out of my mouth.  I screamed to the top of my lungs, “_*&*&*_, have you lost your mind?”  Now you might be thinking, ‘Geesh, that’s not so bad; at least you didn’t lay your hands on him’.  But I might as well have, because it echoed in the hallway and it sounded so venomous. Strike one!

This was major because I refuse to let the two of them call each other names.  I don’t want them to get adjusted to calling anyone names or allowing anyone else to call them out of their name. So this was MAJOR and I was even madder, because now I’m mad at myself.

Strike 2 came when my younger one needed help putting on his bowtie and I kept telling him that I would help him after I got dressed. 5 minutes later, he’s knocking on the door again and then 5 minutes after that.  Uh hello, little one…did you see how I just went off on your brother…back up please. The last time, he pounded the door and walked in with an attitude and sat in the chair.  I quietly went to my husband’s closet, pulled out a belt, starting yelling and hit the wall.  (No I did not hit the little boy…take your hand off of speed dial.)  As I was yelling, I began to cry and I knew that I was out of control.

Strike 3…I went to church without resolving the issue.  But the entire time I sat in church, the Holy Spirit was convicting me. 

How could I sit up here and act as if everything was alright?  In fact, I was so out of sorts that if the wrong person would have said something, I might have pounced on them.  (What?!  Not the 1^st lady…don’t judge me) Anyway, I repented to the Lord, but it wouldn’t be right until I repented to my children.

Once we got home, before we ate dinner, I went to them in the living room and began to talk. “ Hey Guys, let me apologize for this morning. Mommy was out of control.  I was tired and didn’t feel well and I overreacted.  I shouldn’t have called you out of your name.  Just like I tell both of you, Mommy needs to control her emotions.”  I continued by letting them know that I was really sorry.  The conversation went on a little further about how we all need to know when we just “need a minute, to get it together”.  I explained to them the things that frustrate me when I have to ask them over and over again to do something or if they seem ungrateful.  It was actually an open and honest conversation that needed to take place.  We went with the rest of the evening, as if nothing had happened at all.

What can we all learn from this?

1. Learn to take cues from your own body.  If my body is tired and drained, then most likely so is my brain.  I must learn to pause and gather myself and to determine if the problem lies with the children or I’m I frustrated due to my own circumstances.
2. It’s acceptable to apologize to your children when you’re wrong about something.  Our goal is to raise empathic and conscientious children, so they need a role model.  They needed to see that I was not exempt from admitting when I acted out of line. 
3. Don't sit up in church acting like everything is alright, when you know that there is something that you need to fix in your home. Praise and worship doesn't negate bad behavior.
4. Kids are so forgiving.  My boys had moved on from the mornings’ events, but I think they respected me even more when I stopped to admit my mistake. 
5. Name-calling benefits no one.

Please learn from my mistake and walk it out…

Still focusing on the family

The 40 day family focus is not over yet...I have just really been focusing on them these past 2 weeks (no time to write, but I do have some more stories to tell). 

 Both boys are playing baseball and the older one is playing basketball, as well.  Parenting is a serious undertaking if you are intentional in your child's development.  My husband and I deliberately put both of our sons in activities to keep them active and productive.  It's actually pretty funny because by Friday afternoon, they run home just to turn the TV on and vegetate on the couch for a few hours.  (That's because they don't get to watch television and play video games during the school week. Hey...that's what parents do....set guidelines.)

And during their Friday 'veg' time, my hubby and I try to sneak out for a quick dinner, a trip to the gym or just go for a quick ride WITHOUT children.  If you're married, it's imperative to find quality time just for the two of you.  We loved on each other to make these babies and now that the babies are growing up, we better find that time to continue to invest and love on each other.  Eventually both boys will leave home and I don't want to look at my husband one day and say, " who are you?"

I am really enjoying this time of intentionally doting on the people in my home.  They are not an afterthought at the end of they day.  Family is what drives me to work hard, so I can play hard when I'm with them.  I have learned so much about myself as I took the focus off of me to focus on them.  I am growing in this process and I am grateful to God for this time.  

If God has given you the opportunity to have a family, find time to deliberately dedicate time to them.  I promise that you will reap the harvest.

Now walk it out...

Dancing before bedtime

Looking for an interesting way to end the evening?  Try having a dance contest before bedtime.

The boys were fussing with each other and trying to decide who the best dancer was, so I challenged them to a dance off.  So it's a showdown in the living room...
My nine -year- old just came into the room dressed in a grey vest, plaid hat with broken down brim, shorts, polka dot dress socks, black dress shoes and shades.  I think he's pretty serious!  Not to mention he is stretching.
Now my 13-year- old is pop-locking.
Somebody change the music please, I feel some zumba moves in my bones.

Let the music begin and dance it off...