I can still hear her voice...

As we enter the month of December, just leaving Thanksgiving and making our way to Christmas, so many of us vary in our feelings about the holidays.  Oftimes, it's seems that we have a greater sense of loss during this time.  Rather than focusing on the reason for the season and spreading love and peace throughout our community, many of us retreat into our homes, trying to avoid the merriment of the season.  Why? Because we are remembering what we have lost and not focusing on what we actually have.

If you were to go back to my very first blog, you'll see that it was written around Thanksgiving of last year, while my parents were visiting.  Three weeks after returning home,  Mommy was in the hospital and life would never be the same after that point.  I have found myself counting the days and recounting the times that she and I spent on the phone during that entire time.  On Christmas Day, she was in the hospital on one side of town and Grandmom was in a different hospital on the opposite side of town. Craziness! I am well aware that she is not physically present and thought about her so much on Thanksgiving day.  I felt like I was supposed to cry, but there wasn't a real urge to. I could feel her presence with me.  I vividly remember her during the Thanksgiving prayer last year,  she couldn't let you pray and not pray herself.  (It's funny...my friends laughed because of all the "chatter"...they couldn't  figure out who was actually saying the Thanksgiving blessing because Mommy was going in for herself, while my husband prayed.  I chuckle just thinking about it.)

The other day, while decorating our home for Christmas, we were playing holiday music.  At one point, I became teary-eyed because I realized that she would not be here this year.  She was going to miss the call on Christmas day from the boys or hear about what we had cooked.  She wouldn't be asking which outfit I was wearing and how cute I'd be.  Shortly thereafter, my younger son started singing and dancing and put on quite a show, while my older son and husband laughed hysterically.  It was a beautiful family moment and just "good for the soul".  I realized that I had a great blessing sitting right in front of me.  These were the very people that Mommy had prayed for over the years and I was simply reaping the benefits of her prayers.  Who can be sad after that realization?

But let me tell you how God showed up again, just this morning...
My grandmother who is over 90 years old had been on my mind.  She had gone into the hospital last week and is now back home recovering.  I decided to call her while on my way to work.  After enjoying a great conversation and laughing a little with her, I decided to pray before getting off of the phone.  Simple thing to do...right?  Well I opened my mouth and who did I hear?  I heard my Mommy's voice.  I was praying, yet I heard her!  She was praying through me and I immediately got excited.  Once I got off the phone, I had to sit still for a moment.  I had to fully take in what had just happened...it had come full circle.  Here I am praying for my Mother's mother, sounding just like my mother!  I don't know if my Grandmother felt or heard it, but I do declare that I felt every bit of it and had to take it all in.

I have not lost....I have totally gained!  I have gained parts of my mother's spirit.  I pray like her, sometimes I sing like her, I love on my kids like her and I honor my hubby like her.  I even have a videotape of her directing the choir and don't you know I direct and praise the Lord like her. She is so much a part of me and I wasn't fully aware of that! This is Christmas present enough...

In many cultures, including African culture, there is something called the veneration of the ancestors.  This simply means honoring those that went before us, realizing that their spirit is still present with us.  We don't forget them, we thank God for their existence.  I honor my mother and I appreciate all of the sacrifices that she made and the petitions that she put before God for her family.  I am totally reaping the benefits of her worship!

So will I retreat this holiday season?  No way...
In fact, I am going to honor God and the memory of my mother by speaking into the lives of others.  Rather than focus on my loss, I will focus on how great God has been in my life and then my goal will be to spread that love around.  There is no time to reminisce and recoil,  I've got work to do.

Someone might make the decision not to commit suicide, because of my prayers.
I've got work to do.
Someone might be encouraged to help another individual, because of my warm embrace.
I've got work to do.
Someone might feel special, simply because I smiled at them.
I've got work to do.
Some little girl's self-esteem might increase, because I called her little DIVA and told her how beautiful she is.
I've got work to do.
Some friend might feel special, because I gave a listening ear.
I've got work to do.
You've got work to do.
We've all got work to do.

It's totally up to you how you CHOOSE to spend this holiday season.  Will you remember your loss and revel in your pain OR will you remember the good times and realize what you have actually gained?

I have gained a greater sense of myself and now my mission is to encourage someone else to appreciate their own journey.

Let's go my brothers and sisters, we've got work to do.  Now walk it out...