Mother's Day Tribute to my Mommy, Nelda J. Mattison

As Mother’s Day 2013, quickly approaches, realizing that this will be the first year that I don’t have my Mommy to celebrate with, several questions enter my mind.

1.     How should I feel since Mommy is not here?  Afterall, she is my mother and this day is set aside to honor all mothers.

2.     Should I just boycott the day and all of its celebrations?

3.     Should I cry every time someone says “Happy Mother’s Day”?

4.     If I am actually happy on that day, will I dishonor her memory?

These questions are all based upon the “voices in my head” that are constantly ringing.  There have been so many people that have shared their experience with me of losing their mother.  “ Girl, after my mother died, I just fell apart.  I cried all day, every day”.  They meant well, but oftimes they would impose their experience on me, as if that should also by experience.

So if I don’t go through or feel the same way, do I love my mother any less?

Well, of course not!

This Mother’s Day I CHOOSE to celebrate life like never before.  My mother lit up this earth for 74 years.

She lived.

She taught.

She encouraged.

She prayed.

She fasted.

She uplifted.

She corrected.

She cheered.

She cried.

She sang.

She wrote.

She walked.

She danced.

She praised.

She kissed.

She cuddled.

She wiped.

She loved.

She poured herself daily and unselfishly into so many others, so that we could experience the many joys of life.  She instilled confidence in me, so that I would be strong enough to go out into the world and conquer it.

Shouldn’t I be depressed and devastated that she is no longer physically present in my life?  I could be, but I choose not to be.

I CHOOSE to celebrate the part of Mommy that lives in me.  Even as she lay on her deathbed, she was unselfish.  She began calling the names of each of her children: Barry, Garry, Sharri and Torre and prayed for us.  She was pouring out of her spirit and still speaking into our lives; the same way she had always done, since we were children.  And when it was finally time to say goodbye and she was done pouring out…she allowed Daddy to pour into her.  On that glorious day of PEACE, Daddy rubbed her forehead and sang to her a sweet melody.  She stopped long enough to allow him to bless her, before she departed this earthly home and changed residence to her Heavenly home.

Again I ask, should I be disheartened?  NO.

I miss her, but I know that she has simply changed positions.  Instead of getting on her knees, alongside the bed, or sitting upright in a chair praying, she now sits at the right hand of the Father pointing down at us.

“Lord, do you see my husband  James down there and my children and grandbabies? Oh look at  Momma, she looks so good ... Nita and Celestine take good care of her.  Please continue to bless them Father.  Allow James to feel you God, especially since I am not in the apartment with him.  Well actually, I guess I am…

Do you see where he hung my plaque and our wedding picture?  Right at the front door! He really does love me! Lord, I just can’t wait to see the mirror that he is going to hang up, behind the couch; the one that we talked about getting.  I know that he is going to be alright, because the kids are going to look after him and make sure that he is well.  Oh yeah Lord… that was pretty righteous how you hooked up my baby boy with a great opportunity.  Yes God, I can't help but  sing your praises ALL day, because you’ve been so good!”

Sad? Maybe a little...

But still rejoicing because since I was introduced to Nelda J. Mattison, nearly 42 years ago, my life has been blessed.  She poured out and into me, so that I, in turn, could pour into others. 

I love you Mommy and I say, Happy Mother’s Day!  Knowing you the way that I do, you have probably written another little song or ditty to all of those who were once earthly mothers.  How do I know this? Because that’s just you! 

I’m head over heels in love with you Mommy!

Your # 1 and only baby-girl,

Sharri Lor

Could vs. Should

In the book, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay, she mentions that there is one word that she wishes could be stricken from the English language.  That word is SHOULD!

The word should is defined as such...Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions: "he should have been careful" .  It's such a powerful, yet condemning word.  If you think back to the last time you used the  word 'should', were you pointing your finger?  Were you trying to convey to your child, spouse, coworker or friend that something was done incorrectly?  Were you placing yourself in a position of high moral authority?  Probably so, if we are to be honest.  But what is most damaging is using the word on ourselves and replaying it on our mind.

• I should have gone to or finished college.
• I should have moved.
• I should have married someone else.
• I should have waited to have children.
• I should have left the job long ago.
• I should have eaten better.
• I should have gone to the doctor sooner.
• I should have gone to the gym.
• I should have _______________ (you fill in the blank).

Don't you feel heavy after just reading those statements?  It's as if you have no control over what happens in your life.  You are probably saying to yourself, "aww man, I should have done this or that thing, because I probably wouldn't be in the position that I'm in right now.  Well I'd like to posit into your spirit that if you would change the word should to could, things will start looking better.

The word could is  "used to indicate possibility".  It is a word that signifies hope and choice.  Could is an equally powerful word!  Could does not allow you to be led by the situation, but it helps you to reorient yourself,  in the midst of the situation.  Statements using the word 'could', show that you are hopeful that things will happen for you, if you take certain actions.

• I could further my education right now, if I search for a school that caters to older adults.
• I could put the love back in my marriage, if I do those things that I used to do that we both enjoyed.
• I could move now, if I save my money, step out on faith and just do it.
• I could learn to love and appreciate the stages that my children are in right now.
• I could apply for a new job or find ways to enhance my performance at my present job.
• I could eat more healthy foods, get off the couch and walk around the block once each day.
• I could _________________ (fill in the blank).

These 'could' statements are all a sign of optimism, hope and enthusiasm.  It places YOU back in control.  It is not a word of condemnation, but a word of choice.

You can choose how you want your life to play out.  Make a decision and stick to it.  If you don't like it, change it.  You have the power! It's time that we stop beating ourselves up and living in the place of lack. God wants us to live fulfilled lives.  John 10:10b says, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." 

Now you could read this and still go back to the same negative thought patterns that tend to cripple you.  Or you could make up in your mind that I will make a conscious effort to think more positively, be more hopeful and take action.  The bottom line is, THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

Now walk it out...

Please invade my space!

The most amazing thing happened to me today.  I had to be a blessing in the midst of my hurt and it felt so good.

For the last 11 days, I have been Wonder Woman, caring for my parents.  Speaking life, health and wholeness in the midst of our situation.  It was difficult leaving them to return back to my own family. I wanted to store them in my luggage and bring them home with me.  Of course, we know that is not possible.  So I boarded the plane in tears, as I said goodbye to my Daddy.

My first flight was 3 hours and 50 minutes, the layover was as an hour and the next flight would be 45 minutes.  That wouldn’t be so bad if I were actually going to be home, but I still had another flight to catch.  Can you say, "serious fatigue!".

During my layover, I was trying to coordinate the last leg of the flight and I had a meltdown right there in the middle of the airport.

No more shiny bracelets and no more form fitting patriotic outfit, high heeled boots, tiara with the red star and the gold lasso.  Wonder Woman was plain old Sharri, who couldn’t fight the tears any longer.  I had to go into a stall in the ladies room and just cry.  I couldn’t stop.  I just couldn’t stop. Upon exiting the stall, I went to the sink still sniffling and trying to control the tears, as women walked around me and said NOTHING.  No – “Miss are you alright?”  “Can I call someone for you?”  “ Are you in trouble?” Nothing-just silence and eye aversion.  I eventually got it together and called my husband to arrange my pick-up from the airport, which would not occur until 8:45 pm.  As I waited for the next flight, I was able to calm down and board the plane.

Suddenly I hear a young lady, walking down the airplane aisle, talking on the phone using expletives.  She was obviously upset about something, because she kept using the same two words over and over again.  I must admit, I immediately judged her.  I said beautiful girl, ugly insides! She sat directly behind me.  Great!  As we were preparing to taxi the runway, I could hear those same 2 words ringing in my ears.  In a few more minutes, I heard sobbing.

"OK Sharri, what are you going to do?"  

Here’s another woman in tears and she is being ignored, this time by me.  Do I invade her space? Do I act as if I really don’t hear her?  Do I ignore the fact the she has covered her entire head with the soft, blue airplane blanket?  I couldn’t do that!  I simply turned around, touched her leg and ask if she was going to be alright.  When she uncovered her head, I saw a frightened woman, eyes red, sobbing uncontrollably, who whispers, “I’m scared, I don’t like this feeling”.  Without thinking, I continued to rub her leg (while another woman just looked at us), instructed her to take deep breaths and turn her overhead air on.  Once I realized that she was breathing more steadily, I assured her that she would be alright and turned back around for the remainder of the flight.

It was at that moment that I smiled inside and I realized how important it is to invade someone’s space from time to time.  I had to feel temporary loneliness in that bathroom stall, just so I could empathize with that woman on the airplane and minister to her.  I faced the fear of rejection by standing up and doing what I honestly felt in my heart...compassion. At the end of the day, I believe each of us wants to know that we matter and that we are not invisible.  Maybe you need to let someone know that you see them, hear them and that you value the fact that they are a part of the universe. 

God can heal your heart and you can be a help, even in the midst of your hurt.  But you might just have to take a chance and step outside of your comfort zone.  You matter to God and someone else needs to know that their existence matters to you.

Now walk in your healing and go invade someone’s space.

Got Faith?

Faith is standing in the midst of the storm, in a torrential downpour, lightning & thundering, windy & cold and clothes soaking wet; YET still believing that the sun (Son) is going to show up and brighten the day.

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen".

We can believe God for others, but what do you do when you have to believe God for yourself?

Simple.......................you just believe!

Now walk it out!

Spiritual orthotics

I must be totally transparent….

This New Year did not begin with bells ringing and me operating with this great resolve to do better.  Last year ended and this year began with both my mother and grandmother in the hospital, which honestly took me for a loop.  Yes I was praying and encouraging them, but I was frustrated and disappointed because I could not hop on the plane and “make things better”. 

My emotions have been all over the place and I have manipulated, searched and tried to make a way to get home.  Every time I think that I can figure it out, it doesn’t pan out the way that I expected. 

This year has begun with a lesson for me to trust God!   I mean REALLY trust God!  My faith is being tested.  My husband has been preaching for the last 2 Sundays about “repositioning yourself”.  But it’s not a physical repositioning, but rather a mind thing.  Your body only responds to messages, which are sent by your brain.  If the neurons in your brain don’t fire properly, telling your legs to move, they won’t and you will be unable to walk.  Well the same thing happens spiritually.

Our mind, which is a constant battlefield of Godly and earthly thoughts, is set up to govern our feelings and emotions.  If we think negatively, the situation outlook will be negative. But if we begin thinking higher thoughts and believing God’s promises, we will soon notice that the situation looks a little different, because our perspective has changed.

 Well I must say that things are looking up!  After several days of searching the Internet for cheap tickets to get home and the cheaper fares conflicting with a responsibility that I have here at home, I was emotionally drained.   (I don’t want to say depressed and give it power.)  Nevertheless I was tired and discouraged, but I went to Bible Study anyway.  My husband was talking about “power in your problems”.  I was reluctant to release my feelings throughout the lesson (sometimes it’s much easier to hold onto your pain.), but I finally had to give it to God.

What I soon realized was that although I was not physically present with Mommy, I also was no longer spiritually connected with her.  I had stopped praying! When she was in the hospital or at home in pain, I would call and immediately start praying and speaking life over the situation.  However, since she has been in Rehab, I have not prayed with her one time. Are you serious?! I must have thought that now she was in a place where they could help her, I didn’t have to pray the emergency prayers any longer.  No wonder I have been feeling helpless and hopeless.  I had been spiritually disconnecting myself and working within my own power. I was relying on man to work the work and make things better through rehab therapy, without realizing it’s the prayers that enable the man to work the work.  Silly me!

Okay, okay…I get it now God! Trust you, believe on your Word and continue to speak life. The Bible says in Romans 12:2, “don’t be conformed to the things of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”.  That simply means that we should not bend based on our circumstances, but we can change our situation by thinking higher thoughts and praying prayers of victory.

The Lord showed it to me another way through podiatry…

The plantar fascia is located on the bottom of your foot. It connects from your heel to the ball of your foot.  If you are sitting down, rub the bottom of your foot and you might be able to feel the “rubber band-like” plantar fascia. Once that rubber band is stretched and pulled too much by standing with flat feet, you will begin to feel pain in this area. This condition is called plantar fasciitis, which is pain and inflammation.  You can take pain meds, stay off your feet and the condition might improve.  However once you get up again and regain full mobility, you will begin to experience those same pains. Your podiatrist will tell you that you need to get orthotics.  You might be able to get some type of over-the-counter shoe insert, but the best support is the orthotic that is custom made for your foot.  It’s custom made to accommodate for every little nuance, ridge and bump on your foot.  It is made to be the exact height or incline for your arch.  If made correctly, it will take your foot, support in the necessary places and realign your entire body.  Not only do your feet change, but your knees, hips and back all have to adjust, which puts your body back at center.

That’s all God wants for us!  He desires for us to stop walking barefoot, with no support, which puts more pressure on the plantar fascia and forces the entire body out-of-whack.  Instead God wants to be that custom made orthotic that supports us and realigns the entire situation. Yes, you can choose to walk alone and feel the hurt, pain and frustration of things not going your way; OR you can surrender it to God, allow Him to support you fully and watch your situation change for the better.

I choose orthotics!  Not only will I choose them for myself, but I will call Mommy every day in Rehab, pray WITH her and help her to put her orthotics on.  I don’t have to be there physically, but I can be with her in spirit.

So are you ready to take that next step in your life? Okay, here we go.  Sit up in bed, swing your legs over the edge and get ready to stand.  Wait!  Were you about to walk barefoot again?  Did we not just have this conversation?  Get your shoes on, with your orthotics in, and reposition yourself. 

Yes! Yes!  You’re up and ready.

Go ahead, take that first step.

Now walk it out….

Patience

Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it...

Change your shoes, change your mind!

How many times have you put on a certain shoe and something just wasn’t quite right?   You had envisioned how your outfit would look and imagined all the heads that would turn when you would walk into the room.  In fact, you had already gone over in your mind exactly which shoe you would wear to top off the outfit.  You glance at yourself in the full-length mirror, expecting to be mesmerized and then you come to the quick realization that you look “a hot mess”.

The shoe does not go with the outfit.  The outfit needs a pointed toe shoe and you are wearing platforms that are far too “clunky”.  So what do you do?  Do you get undressed and decide not to go out?  Do you change the entire outfit to fit the shoe? Or do you go back to the closet and search for another shoe that looks better. 

No problem, right?  In fact, after a quick search, you realize that you actually have several shoes that could accompany the outfit.

If it’s so easy to change your shoes to make an outfit look better, why do we struggle to change our thought processes, which can make our situation look better? Could it be fear? Rebellion? Habit? Stubbornness? The need to be right?

Cogito ergo sum, a Latin phrase, which means, “ I think, therefore I am”.  You are what you say and you are what you believe.  There is power in your thought patterns, which is why it’s so important to think and speak positively.  The Bible says in Romans 12:2, “ Be not conformed to the things of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”.  To renew something is to restore to freshness or to rejuvenate.  This means that each day, you must begin the day thinking positive thoughts.  If you wake up pondering negative thoughts, your day will be negative.  You will wake up sluggish, uninspired and everyone that crosses your path will feel your negative vibe.  However if it’s raining outside, but you wake up saying,  “this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it”, your day will be one that is filled with joy.

The day is not filled with joy by happenstance, but rather you have willed it into existence.  It all starts in the mind!  Your health, your wealth, your family, your job… EVERYTHING is governed by the way you perceive it and that happens in the mind first.

So let’s decide to not be moved and easily bothered by the various situations of life.  The outlook of the situation can be altered, just like your outfit took on a different look with a different pair of shoes.  Allow yourself to let go of those negative thoughts that only intend to slow you down and make you lose focus.  If you are constantly around negative people, who exude negativity…quickly walk away.  And if you’re the one with the negativity problem, go back to the drawing board and re-train your brain.  Assess the outfit, decide which shoe will complement your life better, change your shoes, and then change your mind.  Now walk it out!