Give yourself a little grace: the best form of #selfcare

Give yourself a little grace: the best form of #selfcare.

We have all shown kindness to someone and told them how things will turn out fine.  We have helped to quash their fears and anxieties. Many of us have become the biggest cheerleaders for other people.  However, when it comes to forgiving ourselves for mistakes or misjudgments, we tend to speak self-doubt. As kids we used to make mistakes and keep on playing, quickly moving on to the next thing.  However, as adults, we have developed an amazing sound system in our heads that continuously repeats the same soundtrack. The track replays words like, “You should not have done that.” ;“You know better.”; and  “What will THEY think?” We repeat our sorrows, our mishaps, our missteps, our troubles only to end up back where we started, in regret.

Today, I invite you to learn a different mechanism and play a different soundtrack.  Trust me, you deserve it.  My mother-in-law used to always tell me that “you can’t give from an empty cup”, which was always my signal that I was running too much or being too hard on myself and just needed to sit down for a moment to catch my breath.  On the last day of January, here are five easy steps to continue the year and jumpstart your latest “self-care” regimen. 

#1 – PAUSE

When you notice that you have lost your center, simply pause.  Sometimes we are so busy helping others that we fail to realize that we have reached our limit and need help.  Ask yourself some questions:

• v How do I feel?
• v What are my thought patterns?
• v Why am I snapping at people?

Pause for a moment to place yourself at the center of YOUR world.  Be concerned about what is troubling you. Just PAUSE for a moment to prepare yourself to learn something new about yourself and your current situation.

#2 - BREATHE

Deep breathing resets your internal system and triggers your body to act differently.  Put one hand on your chest and the other on your belly. Breathe in for a count of 4 and exhale for a count of 8.  The goal is to rid the body of any negative feelings and thought patterns that have invaded your body.

• v Inhale peace, exhale pain
• v Inhale serenity, exhale sorrow
• v Inhale calm, exhale chaos

You have the power to shift the perception of any situation simply by taking a deep breath.  Every morning and evening, I pause to listen to my “Shine” app, which was created by a group of multicultural women.  There is a soothing calmness about their insights and one of the main features is learning to BREATHE.  When you place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly and focus on how your body feels as your chest cavity and diaphragm rises and falls with each inhalation and exhalation.  When your focus is there, your cares melt away for that moment in time.  I have found that now that I practice deep breathing daily, I am able to calm myself at any point throughout the day.

#3 – RECENTER

People who talk to themselves are oftentimes seen as crazy or delusional.  I would like to change the narrative in this instance.  Sometimes it is absolutely necessary to encourage yourself by speaking out loud.  Negative thoughts are usually the things that run around in our heads and keep us in silent pain.  Positive self-talk shifts the atmosphere.  The air changes around you when you speak encouraging words aloud.  As the atmosphere shifts, your body shifts simultaneously and you begin to regain your center.

Come on, give it a try…

• v I am beautiful.  #shiftandrecenter
• v I am powerful. #shiftandrecenter
• v Everything that I need already lies within me. #shiftandrecenter
• v I am worthy to put myself first. I am a priority! #shiftandrecenter

Do you feel it? The shift is happening right there in your at the cellular level.

#4-INVITE

Only invite people to be into your space who understand that your peace is paramount.  Invite only those things that feed your soul.  Fill your space with positivity and do not feel bad if you must leave some family or friends behind.  The pandemic has shown us so much.  The fact that we have been isolated and away from many of our friends as actually been liberating for so many.  Even as we recently went through the holiday season, if we followed CDC recommendations, we could not have those big family gatherings.  If you are to be honest, you have allowed too many individuals to sit at your table and you all have outgrown the space.  Still good people, but no longer in your circle and THAT HAS GOT TO BE OKAY WITH YOU.  Now you have the leisure and pleasure of inviting ONLY those individuals back into your circle who feed your soul.  I am reminded of the scripture that many quote out of Genesis, “May the Lord watch between me and thee while we are absent from one another”.  Well Ma’am and Sir, the Lord will continue to watch between us while we are absent, which will be forever.  Love you, but no longer invited into my space. Say it with me people, “I have grown”.

#5- RESET & Move Forward

Oftentimes, we have situations that keep us bound. We focus on the wrong things in the past and simply cannot seem to start over.  It is alright to begin anew.  Even as we have entered the year 2021, we can reset as we leave some of those hurts, fears, and pains behind us in 2020.

• v New mindset
• v New determination
• v New outlook
• v New goals
• v New dreams
• v New peace
• v New joy

Self-care is what is needed today.  Give yourself a little grace for what you did or did not do or for what you may have missed. You deserve the same grace that you freely give others. So, as we continue to move throughout this year, practice #selfcare by showing yourself a little grace. It is time to hit the reset button and begin anew.  Extend grace to yourself and keep it moving.

 

~PAUSE-BREATHE-RECENTER-INVITE-RESET~

 

Now walk it out…

 

Blanketed by snow, Covered by God

 Today is January 1, 2021.  New Year's Day.

This day signals a day of new beginnings.  One finally gets a fresh start.  The time is yours to seize, with the latest resolutions in hand.

    We can all attest that 2020 has been a doozy!  The year began as a normal new year: people planned trips, began diets, promised to exercise, determined to make better grades, planned to save/ invest more money, desired to start businesses, and so much more.  New year...fresh start!  All seemed to be going well until we heard a scattering of news stories mentioning a virus that was sweeping across the world and taking people out of here.  Here, in the United States, we weren't initially alarmed due to a false sense of security, a belief that nothing could really hurt us and the bumbling idiot in government.  The beginnings of a coverup that would soon be uncovered by thousands in New York becoming ill.  When the lies could no longer be swept under a rug, the government finally began shutting States down, in order to save lives and get a handle on this virus.  It finally had a name the corona virus or COVID-19 and we were all warned to "shelter in place", stay home, wear masks, hand sanitize and clean surfaces.  Day by day, week by week, month after month we learned more and developed more safety precautions to keep our families safe.  Schools went online, Zoom became the formal meeting place and hang out spot, drive-by birthday celebrations were all the rage, and we noticed more people walking and exercising in nature.  Unfortunately, many people lost wages and more disturbingly, lost loved ones. Yes, 2020 has indeed been a doozy!

    At another glance, 2020 has taught us so much about ourselves and how to determine what is truly necessary to survive.  Churches realized that the building was ONLY a building and that most of the things that had taken place there previously were unnecessary. Many of the individuals who held these coveted positions of leadership, were actually there for the title, not for the people. The quarantine forced churches to take the saying "beyond the 4 walls" and put it into action.  My husband and I, along with our team, were determined to stay connected to our members and gained virtual members along the way.  Ministry became international in an instant.  Those churches who made the shift and focused on the virtual space are doing strong ministry today, still mostly virtual.

    Schools were exposed during this time.  Those schools who truly embraced the virtual platform continue to thrive today.  Those who were focused on returning to buildings, which were not safe, teeter back and forth between brick & mortar and virtual, due to increasing COVID cases.  On a personal note, we had to make a family decision for our 16-year-old not to play basketball this season. #heartbreaking This was most devastating to have to tell him that he could not experience the camaraderie with the team this season, because there were so many uncertainties about the virus. He was disappointed, but quickly realized that all we aim to do is to keep him safe.  I am so glad that we made that decision because every sport has been interrupted this season, due to exposure and infection cases on the team or in their families.

    This time has taught us to look at society and recognize the real MVPs. The healthcare workers never stopped sacrificing their time to care for so many sick individuals.  They had to also become social workers and counselors, as families were separated from their loved ones.  But this time has also shown us another group of real MVPs:  grocery store employees, who NEVER stopped working and stocking shelves to keep our families fed and those truck drivers who supplied those markets.   We can honestly say that many of us increased our online shopping, whether we need to or not, so big shout outs to the shipping companies and their drivers who delivered all of those packages.  Postal workers continued to walk the neighborhoods delivering mail, as well.  Whether you are the head of a company, in a position of power or in a high paying job, you still need essentials and that only comes through many of these individuals.  Even the CEOs use toilet paper!  So, ALL of us are necessary. #eyeopening

    Many of us have truly learned the meaning of #selfcare.  What small things can you do consistently each day to pour into your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being?  We have all begun to figure that out.  When my husband and I contracted COVID-19 after the City ice storm in October, we had to sit back and reevaluate what we truly needed for ourselves and our family to thrive.  Half of the things we used to worry about were a waste of time.  We are learning daily to appreciate each other's company and conversation more and more.  He makes me laugh, between the times where I want to choke him (ha), but I love every minute of it.  Even in close quarters for the last 10 months, we appreciate together time and  know the importance of quiet, individual time.  After 23 years of marriage, almost 30 years of being in relationship, we still give each other grace to grow.  

    Our sons, make us so proud!  Watching how they have both pivoted during this time and are truly becoming young leaders, who are embracing their passions makes me anticipate the future.  They will be fine! Yes, the pandemic has forced them to stop some things, but I believe this time has forced them to wrestle some questions about what they want to do with their lives.  My 16-year-old still has time to find his passion and we will give him space to do that.  Our goal is to make sure that he is getting a good education and to keep exposing him to different things, although much of it is still virtual.  My 20-year-old, who was already "Mr. Hospitality" has walked into what makes him happy.  He has developed his company website and is building relationships through photography, videography, and production.  We recognized a long time ago that he was not a 9 to 5, cubicle type of dude; he needed to move around and make his own way.  Quarantine showed him what he was really good at and what passions drive him.  God is faithful and has blessed our boys! #grateful

    Last night was the first time in my entire life that I was not physically in the church house for Watchnight service.  Growing up, I spent every New Year's Eve in worship and that only continued when Byron and I moved to OKC.  Our church was the Watchnight service hub, where anyone who came (before or after the party) ended the old year and began the new year praising God with church members, which usually ended with a full breakfast in the fellowship hall.  Again, due to the pandemic, virtual worship has become our method of ministry.  We prerecorded the service on Tuesday, people sent in their video clips and our production team performed a miracle which we presented to the people with excellence.  To God be the glory!  Well, when it started raining and icing after 10 pm, I was so glad that we were not in the building.  Had we been there, our people would have been traveling in rainy conditions and icy roadways.  By the time the clock struck midnight, I was lying in bed and knew that the rain had quickly turned to snow.

    Well praise be to God, when I opened my eyes this morning EVERYTHING outside was covered by snow.  There was a beautiful blanket of fluffy snow in my backyard. Wow!  I opened the blinds in the mancave and enjoyed my hot water, with lemon, watching the flurries still blowing through the sky.  What a beautiful sight! The thing that kept resonating in my spirit was "I've got you covered".  (On our thanksgiving Zoom call, my eldest brother shared with us that God had our backs. #greatreminder) But as the snow blanketed the ground this morning, my heart sensed God's covering over every area of my life.  Last night, there were stormy conditions that could have been dangerous to traverse.  Those of us who were affected by October's ice storm were a little scared when the meteorologist mentioned icy conditions.  The cold weather prompted many of us to turn the heat up in our homes.  I am reminded of the scripture, "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning".  My joy this morning was seeing the snow and experiencing nature.  Again, I felt completely surrounded and covered by God.

So regardless of the heartache of last year, recognize that you are "covered by God".

• Fears and anxieties, "covered by God"
• Depression and isolation, "covered by God"
• Lots of money or no money, "covered by God"
• Sickness and even death, still "covered by God"
• A break in the normal, "covered by God"
• Stretched to the limit, "covered by God"
• Friends lost and true friends found, "covered by God"
• Ups & downs, twists & turns, "covered by God"
• Haven't figured everything out yet, "covered by God"
• Losses & gains, "covered by God"

    No matter what we have all experienced in 2020, we are yet "covered by God".  I am grateful for every hard lesson learned this past year and for every new way forged. I rest in the knowledge that whatever may come my way in 2021, I am covered by God.

If you believe you, too, are covered, put on some snow boots and ..........................walk it out.

Happy New Year 2021, you are already covered by God!