I just have to share this story of Fear and Faith.
History... In March, I received confirmation that it was alright to leave my present job. My job had been a blessing for several years. I was able to work, teach and be available whenever my children needed me at school or to go on field trips. There were times that I didn't have to work on Monday's, which meant that Byron and I had Monday's to decompress from Sunday's work. (Monday is a preacher's day off.) Most Friday's I wasn't in the office either, so some people would look from the outside and say "that's the job I want". For almost 2 years though, I've been feeling like there was something more for me to do. I knew that this particular job was not the end, because I have so many other gifts and talents that were being underutilized. So in March, I submitted my letter of resignation and this is my last week in the office. Easy right? Not so much.
Once I submitted my letter, my spirits lifted immediately! I was happy for my decision, as I decided to trust God. I honestly believe that God was just waiting for me to close one chapter, so that I'd be available to walk through the next door that He has for me. Periodically though, doubt crept into my mind and I questioned my decision. It's funny because I'm still employed but the biggest question has been about money. How long can I go without a job? How much can we actually live on? And every time God would reassure me and let me know that He had me.
Fast forward....
Yesterday was Courtland's birthday and we decided to get him a phone. We had been talking about this forever, so Byron and I decided to get it and allow him to use it within certain parameters. We walked into the AT&T store, picked out the phone and the case and was just waiting for the young lady to open another line on my account. Tiny glitch! Please tell my why on earth we had 2 different accounts in my name? There was some past due bill from 2011, which prevented them from extending another line on the current account. "Where are the cameras because I'm obviously being punked ?", is what was running through my mind. This is 2015 and we've upgraded phones and opened a line for Chandler in the past, so I had no clue where this was coming from. After talking to customer service on the phone, I learned that I had to pay almost $500 before my baby could get his new phone. (She said that somehow I had slipped through the cracks all of these years.) I assured Courtland that he would still get it, it was just going to take a few days to clear this up. He was cool with it, but I felt sooooo bad! I felt inadequate and just wanted to go home and lie down. Well don't you know that the devil started messing with my mind.
"If you are presently working and can't afford to pay this bill outright, what are you going to do after this week?"
"See, you shouldn't have given the notice on the job."
"What kind of parent breaks their child's heart like this, on his birthday no less?"
I almost cried, but I didn't! We went back home and waited until the evening to go celebrate Courtland's birthday. We decided to visit a family fun place, called Main Event, which has laser tag, rock climbing, billiards, video games and bowling....all under one roof. I had never done laser tag before, but the boys and I suited up and off we went. We were the only people who participated in our round since it was after 9 pm on a Tuesday night. The boys gave me a quick lesson and we were off. From one corner to the next, we sought each other out ready to shoot our opponent. They tagged me a few times, while I was still learning. At first, I was afraid to get tagged so I would cower in the corner and wait until one of them walked up on me. After a while though, I realized that I was doing more sitting than shooting and I decided to take action. Rather than just sit and wait, I decided to move into action. I began seeking them out and when I saw them I'd run towards them shooting until I had them tagged. Chandler said that I was playing incorrectly because you're not supposed to run towards each other. of course, I put a different spin on it.
This was my first lesson of the night...
So many times we sit and just wait for the enemy to come, find us and shoot us down. Cowering in fear, we wait for the next attack, hoping that it doesn't immobilize us. I believe that we're most effective though when we gain enough strength in our prayer life and counter the attack. Rather than hope that our families won't be attacked, why not pray a blessing over them. Instead of hoping that we will have enough money, why don't we pay our tithes and believe that God will bless our faithfulness and meet our needs. Don't just sit there in fear, act out of Faith!
The second and most profound lesson for me was in the gravity ropes event. This is an activity where you walk on swaying bridge, balance on narrow planks or walk a tight rope; all while being suspended high above the busy game room. Each of us had to put on a climbing harness and then we were anchored into the supportive rope which was locked into the top of the suspended obstacle course. It looked harmless until I was suspended in air and had to take the first step off of the platform. I was scared out of my mind!!!!!! At one point, I was immobilized by fear, while all of the other participants moved around me from one platform to the next. I honestly thought about turning around and going back to the bottom and just wait for our 12 minutes to be up, but I knew my kids were watching me and I didn't want to give up.
After a short while, I began quoting scripture, " I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me". I also heard myself chanting, "overcome your fear, overcome your fear, overcome your fear". With every step on the rope or plank, "overcome your fear". Next step, "You can do this!" My journey was blanketed by prayer and positive affirmations. I was actually encourageing my self through this. And then it hit me....
The entire time my harness was fastened into the anchoring rope. Even if my foot had slipped, I couldn't fall because I was harnessed and anchored. All I had to do was keep moving and trust in the apparatus that was holding me. As soon as our time was up and we went back down to the bottom, God released this into my spirit...."Girl, I've got you harnessed in".
So as I prepare to leave this job and walk into the unknown, I must believe that God has me harnesses in and anchored. I can't allow my fear to immobilize me or make me doubt myself and turn around. I've got to keep moving forward. Yes it may be frightening, but keep on moving. The beams might sway under my feet, but I must be confident that my climbing apparatus (prayer) is going to work. Even as I look at my starting point and can't quite figure out how I can make it to the next platform, God wants me to TRUST THE PROCESS. If I rest in God enough, I will soon realize that I am not in any imminent danger on the course, the real danger is in my mind. If I allow my fear to overtake my faith, then it's over. But if I can stop long enough, regain my composure, keep moving, trust God's harness and anchoring rope, I will make it to the end and EVERYTHING will be alright.
When I got back to the beginning platform, I realized that...
I had been sweating profusely, but I made it!
My knees were shaking, but I stayed the course and finished the course.
My heart was still pounding, but it was over.
My faith had been strengthened and I'd actually like to go back and do it again with a little more confidence. (There were some parts that I never reached because I took so long on the beginning ropes.)
So let me encourage you.....
As you go through your daily walk, be sure not to allow your circumstances and fear to immobilize you. You must pray up, trust the process and step out on faith. Once you make the first move, you can rest assured that you are harnessed in and fastened onto the anchoring rope.
Now suit up and walk it out....
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