I've been thinking about a dream that I had last week. I was back in the big city and was going to an event with the choir. I parked my car on the street and entered the building with a few friends. This building was several stories high and it seemed to take up the entire city block. Each of the four entrances faced out onto a different street. One complete square, each side facing a different city block. (Maybe it's easier to imagine entering a large shopping mall, where each entrance has its own parking lot and department store entrance.) Get the picture now?
Everything was fine until I had been inside of the building for a while and decided that I wanted to leave. I retraced my steps back to the place where I thought I had entered, only to get out on the street and not see my car. Hmmm? Okay, I must have walked out of the wrong entrance. I turned and walked back into the building, trying to recall all of the stops and turns that I had made in this expansive building. When I thought that I had spotted my original landmarks, I went to the nearest exit. Out onto a different street and still no car. I walked to the middle of the block, where I thought I had parked it and began to question a group of guys who were gathered around talking. No one said that they had seen a car with the description I had given.
I admit, I was beginning to panic, but I decided to go back inside to discover which landmark I had missed. Maybe it was a different stairwell that I had gone past. Perhaps the rooms that I'd gone through had several entrance points and I just picked the wrong one, mistaking it for my original landmark. "Okay Sharri, back inside you go, calm down, you'll find the car", is what was going through my mind as I was coaching myself along. One more time in the building, going through different corridors and hallways, past winding staircases and rooms, up one flight, then down another and now stopping at the third entrance. "Oh yes, this must be the place where I entered. It's starting to look familiar." So I exited the building and did not see my car.
Walking to the middle of the block, I could feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. There was a lump forming in my throat and my stomach was in knots. My car was not parked on this street! Maybe it was stolen! Maybe it had been towed! Maybe I'm going crazy! Did I not go back and retrace my steps properly? What had I missed? Why am I now standing outside crying in the street? This is totally ridiculous and a waste of time, is what I told myself. How could I have missed the mark three times? Okay, I figured that I had one more shot to enter the building and go out the last exit. I knew that my car had to be out on the other street. So I turned blindly, eyes wet, heart heavy and feet dragging to enter the building one last time. And before I could go through the last entrance, I woke up from the dream.
My mind began to race as the dream came to a sudden stop. "Are you kidding me? Why wake up now, before I managed to reach the car? Okay Lord, this is pretty ridiculous and I'm lying here in bed in a sweat and panic, feeling quite unfulfilled because I didn't reach my goal." What in the world?!!!
As I lay in the bed, trying not to disturb my husband, the Lord began to minister to me. God reminded me how I said one week prior to this that I was going to TRUST God with everything and was willing to take a leap of faith. I said that I wanted to show God that I really trusted Him. I had mentioned a few things to my husband of how I was going to step out on faith and move into what God had for me. But within that same week, when I got a little anxious about my decision, I came up with a scheme that would allow me to do things my way. I asked a few questions, typed a few emails and was trying to figure out the situation. What I thought would work didn't and I was back to square one.
God really began talking. He said, "Sharri, you just wasted a lot of time, going back to something which was familiar to you, but in actuality is quite foreign". The place in which I was seeking refuge was not my safe place after all. I continuously went back inside of the building to try to retrace my steps and remember my landmarks. I repeatedly retreated to what was comfortable to me. God told me that all I had to do was turn the corner and keep walking. Even if I had gone back inside the building after the first try, something should have clicked in my brain after the second failed attempt, and I could have just stayed outside and turned the corner until I found the car.
When you think about it, how many times have you done this very thing? You told the Lord that you trusted Him to fix the situation, yet you took matters into your own hands and kept failing. Repeatedly you go back to the place, where you think there is comfort, only to find that you can be turned around so easily.
It made sense for me to go back inside of the building. At least I could still see my friends, who I had met here, and they could commiserate with me about not finding my car. "Girl, go down that hallway or try the other set of stairs". They could cheer me on and encourage me, but notice no one ever walked back outside with me. God let me see that although I had come with the group, I was not supposed to leave with that group. God wanted me out on the street with Him, trusting Him at every corner. It wasn't raining outside, nor was it night time...so why was I hesitant to stay outdoors and keep seeking? FEAR!
Fear of the unknown. What would happen if I had stayed on the street and just kept walking, until I'd spotted my car? If I hadn't been afraid to walk up to the group of brothers and ask about my car, why should I be afraid to take a few more steps on my own? Even if something would have jumped off further down the street, I'm sure one of them would have heard my scream and come to my aid. But I didn't test it! Fear of the "what if", I suppose.
So why wake up without ever locating my car? God was showing me that as long as I kept doing things on my own, I would not find what I was looking for. My job was to take the leap of faith, stay on the street and talk with Him as we turned every corner together. God never left me, He was right there the entire time. He was there at every exit, every staircase, every room. He walked patiently with me as I grew more and more anxious and began to cry. He had not forsaken me, He was simply waiting on me to trust Him in the process.
So allow me to encourage you...
If you know the Lord has spoken into your spirit, trust Him. You might have to forsake the very place that once gave you comfort. If it's not meant for you, then that very place that used to give you refuge, will turn out to look quite foreign to you. The people that you entered with, may not be the same group that you're supposed to leave with. Yes, you may have come with a common goal, but remember you arrived in your own car with its own GPS system.
Walk with God and trust what He told you! It might be a little scary, but recognize that God's right there. If He gave you the vision, realize that He won't leave you until the vision comes to pass. It's up to you! One of my husband's points in his sermon yesterday was, "it's not about the destination, it's all about your disposition". It's not your destination that God is concerned with, He's already got that figured out. But it's our disposition and mindset that we must continually work on.
My car was right where it was supposed to be all along, but I couldn't find it because I didn't trust God to lead me through the process. You can still be afraid, as you walk toward your destiny...but for goodness sake, please don't miss out because you insist on doing it your way.
Now walk it out (with God by your side)..............and turn the doggone corner.....
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