Day 3 of 10- CHECK YOUR INPUT

Did I mention that I do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE?
I must confess that I am a busy body.  I like to see things done and I want them to be done well.  Sometimes I can teach you and coach you through it; but then there are other times when no one else is available and I have to do it myself.  Because I've done it once, the next time when that situation rolls around, I just handle it without looking for a relief person.  I've got to get better at delegating responsibilities. Ha!

I'm on Day 3 of the Cleanse and I have been reflective and open to hearing God's voice for the past 2 days.  I'm reading a book by Austin Channing Brown,  "I'm Still Here Black Dignity in a World made for Whiteness".  When I say it is FIYAH....I mean it will set you ablaze when she talks about how black women have to navigate white spaces.  It is so good..... that I talked to both Chandler and Courtland this morning and told them that I will download it on their Nook.  It speaks to both their private and public educational experiences.  As they are growing up in a world that oftentimes demonizes black men, I want them to have the language to express and the capability to navigate the many all- white spaces in which they will find themselves.  Did I say it is FIYAH?  But something else spoke to me while reading this book.

I have a preacher friend in Memphis who messages me periodically about answering "the call".  She and I had the opportunity to minister at a women's conference in Canada a few years ago.  I was the only one out of the facilitators who was not a licensed preacher.  Oh she messed with me something terrible!  I told her that I KNOW that I've been called by God, but maybe just not to preach.  (insert her pursed lips and rolling of the eyes)   And just 2 years ago, another preacher friend, this one from New York, told me to stop saying what God hasn't done and just be open to what God wants to do through me.  Okay, okay.....I'm still not thinking that I will go the traditional route, but I am very aware of God's power and His ability to use me in whatever arena I may find myself.  Whether I am standing behind a church podium, a college lecture hall, a coffee shop or out  working in the community, I am answering " the call" to be God's mouthpiece and the extension of his loving arms at the moment.  Wherever God sends me, I can weave my blackness and my spirituality into one and speak truth to power to liberate others.

All of that was good, but it was not the revelation that God gave me to share.  So here it goes...

The Lord showed me this about 3 am.  Last night during Bible Study, after opening with a worship song, I had to run to the balcony and run the sound board and start the broadcast for the YouTube Livestream so we could capture Byron's teaching.  Last week I had done the same thing, with Chandler's help, but he was working last night so I was on my own.  I called one of our audio ministry workers (CM) for help because last week we didn't have sound and I wanted to make sure that I had it right this week.   Everything was plugged in, the camera was set,  the OBS (btw, I have no idea what that stands for) and YouTube windows were open and when I hit the "start streaming" I received an error message.  Something about the server!  CM took me through several options, by closing the program and reopening it and going directly to advanced settings; checking the IP address and hitting "start streaming".  NOTHING but the same error message. Ugh!  Meanwhile I'm missing the beginning of Byron's teaching and getting frustrated.  I told CM nevermind...we'lll figure it out for next week.  He hung up, but I couldn't let it go...

I shut down the program again and restarted it.  This time I went to advanced settings and instead of keeping the named IP address, there was a drop down window with other options, one that said 'default'.  Default for computers means 'a selection automatically used by a program in the absence of a choice made by the user'.  As soon as I chose the default option and hit the "start streaming" button, it actually STARTED STREAMING.  You don't say!  I called CM back, he laughed and then said "I see it, but I still don't hear sound on my end".  You have got to be kidding me!!!

Then he and I began going through audio options.  He directed me to the sound board to go to the lapel mic channel  AUX 6 and turn the knob.  NOTHING!  Then we tried AUX 6, 7, and 8...still NOTHING.  We tried the handlheld mic channel to mirror the lapel mic channel...AUX 6,7 and 8.  STILL NOTHING! Then he asked me a simple question...

A question that would change my life forever.  A question that God revealed to me at 3am was what was holding me back and keeping me hostage.  CM asked, "do you have it plugged into the correct input?"  I replied, "I'm not sure, it's plugged into Input 1". To which he corrected and told me that Input 2 is where my cable needed to be plugged.  

Well can you tell me what happened next?  Come on people...I know you're pretty smart. 

When I changed the input, the audio was immediately restored to the live YouTube feed.  Someone who was trying to watch online, had left a message in the news feed.  Once it was up and running, I replied " Sorry for the delay. the sound has been restored" and Bible study continued without a hitch.

But what was the word that God had for me?

God showed me that there are people waiting for you and I to be plugged in to the correct source.  
They can't receive the message that God has for them, if we are not plugged in correctly which would allow the message to flow through.  So many of us have been living life by default.  We were raised in church, know the church lingo, love God, have examples of God-fearing workers, sing in the choir, usher in the usher ministry, part of the outreach team, work in the community and the list goes on.  By default, we have picked up and been in environments that show us to be "good" people.  But GOD says there needs to be more.  We've been getting by with the default programming, but the message is still not being heard because we are not plugged into the correct input. The form of godliness is there, but it isn't until you look closer that you realize the input is wrong.  MY GOD!  God is saying to me that I can't just rest on my laurels and my history with God (my default system) and expect God to be heard through me.  I've got to look a little closer to him to make certain that I'm connected in HIM and not in what appears to be the correct channel.  (Insert singing..."Yes Lord")  It's more than just appearance, it's the right relationship.  

When you're plugged into the correct input, people will finally be able to hear the message which was intended for them from the beginning.  

You are the mouthpiece that God needs, but He needs you to be totally plugged into the correct source.  

Now take a moment to digest that word for your life, check your input and walk it out...

Day 1 of 10- Silence the Voices

Singing..."Today, was a good day!"  Or at least an interesting one.

I woke up this morning and prepared my snack bags (carrots, celery, boiled eggs, unsalted sunflower seeds and apple)  for the first 5 days of the detox.  They are in storage bags inside the fridge, so I can  grab one as I head out of the door.  After drinking the detox tea, I wasn't starving for the smoothie...I was able to wait about an hour.

Pretty uneventful....until I hit the gym around 12 noon.  As I was walking on the treadmill, I began to doubt myself.  Crazy!  I honestly felt REALLY REALLY good, but I started questioning how long I'd be able to last.  I began to feel sick & uneasy immediately because nervousness was setting in.  "This is too good to be true"; "I wonder when I'm gonna start feeling cranky and irritable";  "What would happen if I cheated"; "I would be a failure".

WAIT, WHAT?  Why are you trippin' Girl?   YOU FEEL GOOD, so don't allow fear to creep in and steal your joy!  When I began to talk back to the chatter in my head, the sick feeling dissipated and the voices had to shut it down.  In that moment, I realized that we are the masters at controlling our narrative.  I will have to remind myself the next few days that I am powerful.  I can either talk myself into a miracle OR talk myself out of a blessing.  The choice is mine and that was my midday revelation.  If I can control the negative thoughts and show gratitude in the present moment, I can handle anything.

So allow me to show gratitude...
Thank you Lord for allowing me to wake up this morning with a determination to begin anew.
Thank you because you allowed everyone in the house to sleep while I prepped and prepared for the day.
Thank you for that quiet time with you.
Thank you for allowing me hit the gym today.
Thank you for showing me how to quiet the chatter in my head.
Thank you for boiled eggs, sunflower seeds, carrots, celery and apples.
Thank you that the smoothie actually tasted good.
Thank you that when I was offered a bite of a red velvet cookie, I declined.
Thank you for helping me not to give in today, even though my family has a million to-go containers on the kitchen table. ( side note: I told them I wasn't cooking, so they better figure it out quickly.  I'm just sayin')
Thank you for the detox tea that I am currently drinking.
Thank you for the agility of my fingers to type this message.
Thank you Lord that my bed is less than 2 feet away from me and I'm about to have a great night's rest.

God if I had 10,000 tongues, I still would be unable to thank you enough.  I am truly grateful!

So keep praying for your girl, as I walk this thing out.  Just know that whatever you're facing, you can handle it.  We're walking on our way to FEARLESS...

The next 10-days are just for ME....my journey to becoming FEARLESS

At the beginning of 2018, I chose my "one word" for the year which is FEARLESS.  Or shall I say, it's the word that chose me.  I initially thought being FEARLESS was about getting my business back on track, writing that next book and obtaining more speaking engagements this year.  But after some self-reflection, I realized that I needed to be FEARLESS in my personal life, not just in the outward persona.  This needs to be the time that I  finally show up for myself.

One move I made...
A couple of months ago, I accessed my credit report from the 3 major credit reporting agencies.  There are some things that I need to clear up and I  have been afraid to look at the truth.  You see ignorance is sublime....if you don't know, then there is nothing to resolve or be afraid of.  However this is no way to live a productive and fulfilling life!  Once you find out the truth, you are forced to make some adjustments.  If my credit is jacked up, then it's time to fix it.  If I'm not living at optimal health, then I need to watch what I put in my mouth and get my body up and moving.  The bottom line is once you know the truth,  you now have a choice.  Do I just accept the situation or do I maneuver myself and start making adjustments?

I woke up early, about 2 days ago, with the book by JJ Smith, The 10-day Green Smoothie.  I knew it was on one of the bookshelves, so I searched a while until I located it and curled back up in the bed to reread it.  Although I had tried it before, a few years ago, and only made it to day 5; this time feels much different.  I think it's different because I not only want to change my outward appearance (shed some weight) but I want to use this as a spiritual journey to recenter my mind, emotions and spirit. 

I am a caregiver by nature (blame it on my mother), but oftentimes I care for others and ignore what I need.  I say yes often, when I really want to say 'no thank you, not at this time' or ' hell no' (depending on the day).  I don't get overly emotional about things, so I'll just keep it moving to keep peace and not cause a fuss.  But these 10 days, I want to be so in tuned to God and my inner voice that I don't seek to please anyone but myself.  I had to tell my husband and the boys that I will not be available to cook their meals...they are old enough (47, 18 and 14)  to handle it and will rise to the challenge.  I have NEVER done anything like this for myself and I'm so excited to accept the challenge.  When I mentioned it initially, Courtland and Byron wanted to join me.  I declined graciously.  If I have to make smoothies for others, then once again I'm losing this time to focus on myself.

During these 10 days I will delete a few apps off of my phone....facebook and messenger, maybe instagram too.  Why? Because I have found myself recently wasting 20-30 minutes at a time just scrolling.  I somehow lose track in the minutia of other peoples lives, so I need to stop and regroup for a moment.  I did decide that I will set aside some time every evening on my laptop, perusing through the apps that I just mentioned.  Why would I do this?  I still want to be in touch with the outside world, but I want to control it and not allow constant notifications to control me.

I didn't tell my girlfriends so they would join me and it become another challenge with accountability.  Although accountability is great, I need to revisit what showing up for Sharri looks and feels like.  I need to know how to pray my way through, if and when it becomes challenging.  I need to see the pom-poms in my head cheering Sharri Lor forward to victory. 

I will be doing a lot of reading during these 10 days (I honestly don't watch TV that much anyway).  Get lost in a book and not rely on a show to entertain me.  I am looking for a complete overhaul for the next 10 days.   Each evening I will check in by blogging about my day.  I promise to be honest about the good times and the challenging times. 

This is my road to FEARLESS.  I will decrease so that God might increase in my life.

I am not afraid...
If I can do it, then you can walk it out too....

Grateful for the Gals who Raised and Poured into Me

     It's early Sunday morning on a cool day of February, I have the middle bedroom window in Daddy's apartment opened to get some fresh air.  It's been raining since late last night and the water has been soothing.  I can hear the sound of the rain tap dancing on the pavement and bouncing off the building's vinyl siding.  Periodically, I hear the sound of tires in the distance gliding over the wet streets and splashing through the puddles.  Lawd, what type of animal was that?  It sounded like a duck, but I'm not too familiar with the Philly wildlife.  I hear the rain and I am instantly calmed.  (If I were 6 years old again, I would find so much pleasure in sneaking outside and jumping in the biggest puddle I could find.  Jumping from the curb, leaping into the air,  high above the ground only to come crashing down smack dab in the crater of water which would then splash back up into my face.  #carefree  The thought alone makes me snile!

    But I have another reason to smile...

     I am in Philly because on Friday, we laid my Sweet Grandmother to rest.  She was 95 years old.  This is Mommy's mommy.  The one who was in the hospital on one side of town, while Mommy was on another side of town.  This is the lady who got out of the hospital in time to come minister to her 1st-born daughter, as she was preparing to transition.  This is the strong woman who stood alongside her baby-girl's bed stroking her hand and praying as she had done since the first day they met.  This sweet Lady made her final transition on Valentine's day, the same day that her daughter would have been married to my Daddy for 59 years.  Oh February is more that just Black History month; it holds so many personal memories for me.  Surprisingly, they are not sad memories!

     I am so grateful to God for the lives of 2 beautiful women, Clara Lurannah Beckeet and Nelda Judiffy Beckett Mattison. (Those are some middle names right there. Ha!)  Though there have been many people who've poured into my life over the years, I am so blessed to have had a praying Mother and Grandmother.  They were powerhouses who loved the Lord and knew God firsthand.  These sisters could get a prayer through on your behalf. They prayed for you, over you and probably against you if they knew that you were going the wrong way.  ("Don't let them rest God, until they acknowledge you"......I think that's one of the ones I remember)  These sistahs were serious about their relationship with God and they wanted you to experience the saving Grace and feel the loving arms of God.  Now how can I be sad about that!  In 3  more days, it will be 5 years since Mommy went to be with the Lord. I can't believe it's been that long!  I'm not tearful, but reflective. (Also glad that I get to be in Philly with Daddy during this time.)

     Maybe that's why I appreciate the magical sounds of the rain this morning.  Maybe the rain is representing the tears that aren't falling from my eyes, but is washing over and cleansing my soul as I remember these ladies.  So many times we as individuals overlook and fail to appreciate the gems that are in our midst.  We take for granted that what we are experiencing now is going to remain like this forever.  What I am quickly realizing, at 46 years of age, is that it's my turn to be that gem for someone else.  A couple of weeks ago,  I was thinking about all of the little girls and boys who look up to me at church.  (My little shuga boogas.)  I thought about carrying $1 bills in my wallet and when I felt I needed to bless one of my little bee bops to just shake it in their hands and give them a word of wisdom.  What is really funny.....during Grandmommy's eulogy, the Bishop mentioned how she used to give him a "holy handshake"and deposit a few dollars into his hands periodically.  That was confirmation for me! ( No sorry Bishop, unless your hand is an ATM you will not be receiving anything from me. Ha!)  That thought, 2 weeks ago, was confirmed in that message that I am to be a giver and I already have my own little network set up.
 
     I just keep hearing God say..."pour into....pour into.  What I instilled in you is for more than just your household.  Sharri, you were blessed to be a blessing!" There were so many who recognized gifts and talents in me and now it's time to find that little girl or boy and share that wisdom with them (and a dollar sure won't hurt either).  Nelda and Clara nurtured what God had already placed in me and when they didn't understand they just prayed for me. ("Lord have your way!")  At forty-six, foxy and fabulous, it's time for me to be more deliberate in how I pour into others.  Part of it is instinctual because I had such great examples of woman whose love was limitless; but living with intention is paramount.  I am embracing the shifting that is taking place in me!

I am cheering you on to find your own way to live with intention and purpose.  I've known for years  that I was an encourager....BUT I also know there is so much more to do.  My words soaked in love and dripping with intention have the capability to change the entire trajectory of someone's life.  I embrace that and move forward with purpose!  Many years ago, the Lord gave me the theme for our Women's conference..."I was Created for More".....didn't realize at the time that would be my mantra for years to come.  My friend, YOU too were created for more so don't run from it...sprint towards it.

     So on this rainy Sunday morning, as I begin to get ready to attend church with Daddy,  I am grateful for the gals who poured into me and now I gladly accept the calling to DELIBERATELY pour into others.

     If this spoke to your heart, then I advise you to take the challenge, and begin pouring.

     Allow your feet to carry you where you've already been ordained to go.   
     Walk into your destiny and create a legacy.

Clara Lurannah Hackney Beckett

Nelda Judiffy Beckett Mattison

Sharri Lor Mattison Coleman 

...the legacy will continue because I am living on purpose... 

Who's next?!

      NOW WALK IT OUT........

Last night I cried...

It's funny how God will sometimes use the craziest thing to get our attention.

About a week ago, Daddy and I were talking and he mentioned that his apartment building was changing phone, cable and internet service.  His phone carrier would no longer be needed, because he was being upgraded.  He was excited because he would now have free internet, although he has no computer, nor does he know what WiFi is all about.  (This man doesn't even text, so his interest in technology is quite amusing to me.) 

Last night, we had a great choir rehearsal.  We sang, we laughed and we praised.  I taught two of Mommy's original songs, "So Glad He Came" and "Happy Birthday Jesus".   Choir rehearsal was light-hearted and even comical at times.   Whenever we meet,  we always close out the rehearsal with prayer requests and praise reports.  It's an opportunity for us to hear each others hearts and offer support and encouragement.  Many expressed their loss for loved ones and how difficult it was during this time.

As we move closer to Christmas, we recognize that people feel death even more than they did in the summer or any other time of the year.  The Thanksgiving/Christmas/ New Year season is a time where you think about family and reminisce over childhood memories.  It seems that this time of year brings out the best, while oftentimes causing silent anguish in the life of those missing loved ones.  I know that God has given me a heart for people, so I can commiserate with you while at the same time help you move past that pain.  Kinda like speaking to your pain and causing you to think more positive thoughts.  Well last night, I think the Lord pricked my heart, just a little, so I could really feel what others might be feeling.

When I returned home from choir rehearsal, I decided to call Daddy.  He has a cold, so I've been calling EVERY day to make sure he's drinking enough water and getting proper rest. (The Lord has definitely blessed him at 85 years young.)  I called his house phone and was utterly confused!!!  I sat there in a daze before dialing his cell phone.  It took me a couple of minutes to process the information, then it hit me like a punch in the gut.  Daddy's new phone service changed my life forever. She was gone!  After 4 years, 9 months and 2 days, Mommy's voice was gone in an instant.  What you don't know is....my mother's voice was still on my parent's home answering machine.  I remember when she passed in 2013, some of my family members would never call Daddy on the house phone because it was too painful to hear her voice.  Not me!  That was my tiny little pleasure; my slice of heaven; my connection to Mommy.  Whenever I wanted to talk to her, I'd simply call the house, hear her voice and have a conversation.  We still had that special Mommy-daughter connection that no one else knew about.  It was just me and my Mommy!  I had to quickly pull it together and call Daddy on his cell phone.  We talked and as soon as we hung up, I dialed the house phone again.  Once again, the generic voice of the answering machine continued, "no one is available at (215) blah blah blah - blah blah blah blah"! (Whatever Lady. Ugh!)

I sat on the floor for a minute, just staring into nothingness.  My husband called me into the room for something and as I walked towards him, I began to cry.  All I could do was whisper, "she's gone".  As I began to recount the story, he caught on immediately and nodded " the answering machine".  After taking a shower and getting ready for bed, I was better but extremely quiet.

This morning as I laid in the bed about 3:30 am (this is normal) my mind raced back to all of the conversations in choir rehearsal and on social media about people feeling loss, during especially during this time of year.  God reminded me that I wasn't exempt.  Sometimes it's easy to dismiss someone elses feelings when you don't understand or have not experienced what they've gone through.  Last night was a wake up call to genuinely love people through this time.  Because you feel the loss doesn't mean that you're weak...you're just sad!  So be sad, cry and then thank the Lord for helping you to feel and to remember.  You are not cold-hearted.  The blood is still running warm through your veins and you are still alive because God isn't ready for you yet.  And as Mommy said to me as my family dropped me off at Spelman College, many years ago....."When you get homesick or miss us, don't stay here in a pity part and turn on sad music, you better turn on some gospel music and sing yourself happy". (I've been doing just that for years. Ha! Thanks Mommy.)

God is so neat; because even in your pain, He will give you revelation.  Her voice is gone, but her spirit lives in me.  Her voice is gone, but I can still hear her words of encouragement.  Her voice is gone, but her legacy continues through me. Her voice is gone, but when I lay my hands on someone to pray, I feel her energy (because that's what she did for me).

Well it's time to wake the boys for school, so I must leave you.  I think I'll connect my phone to the living room speaker, turn on my gospel music and DANCE as we prepare for the day.

Last night I cried because I couldn't hear her voice; but today I'll dance because her spirit lives on inside of me.  I am my mother's daughter and I choose to dance!

Now walk it out.......

Birthday blessings

Lord knows that I couldn't celebrate my 46th birthday without celebrating you as well.  God has us on a journey this year!
Please enjoy this video message for you on YouTube.  God gave me a revelation as I was cleaning out my closet on Saturday and I think it's a right now word for all of us.

When you clear the clutter in your closet, you'll be able to walk it out...

Smooches

There's a blessing in your boredom!

I know, I know....it's been a long time!

I guess I'm feeling inspired this morning as I walk on the treadmill at my father's apartment complex.

Honestly, I think it's because I am in Philly visiting Daddy who is 85 years blessed and I don't have all the UNNECESSARY THINGS around me to occupy my time. I'm actually able to sit, think, soul search, Google search because he's still asleep and it's quiet.

I'm not washing clothes, walking the dog, tidying up the living/dining room, cutting the grass, watering plants, etc...  all of which I can usually get done b/w 5-8 am. Ha! #feelsstrangethough

My advice to all of us...

Breathe slowly & deeply whenever you can.
Disconnect yourself from the "norm" periodically.
Enjoy being bored.
Connect with something/someone that makes you smile.
Be still long enough to hear.

Peace out! #morechillingtodo #myheadacheisgone #quiettime

I thought I was just here to visit, love and serve;  but in my stillness I am gaining clarity.

Now walk it out...