Today, Mommy would have been 83 years old.
This summer, I purchased an airline ticket to go to Philadelphia just so I could place flowers at her graveside. Daddy used to always take her flowers on their anniversary, her birthday and at least every other month. After he passed, I was able to go back that first summer and give them both flowers. Well, the pandemic shut all of that down, so I was excited about having an opportunity to travel again and pay my respects to both Mommy and Daddy.
After purchasing my ticket, something happened with the flight schedule and Southwest changed my airline ticket. I wouldn't have arrived until late this evening and it would have been too dark to navigate through the City and a cemetery. I wrestled with it and finally cancelled the flight since the purpose was to be there on her birthday. So today I can't say that I was sad, but I was disappointed and just felt slightly off. I just wanted to be quiet and reflective. I got up and rode 5 miles on my bike this morning, but outside of that my energy level was not where it usually is.
The year Mommy transitioned, she would have turned 75 years old. That year on her birthday, I mourned the fact that I didn't have the chance to celebrate such an important milestone in her life. I felt like I had waited for the 'big' number to celebrate her, but was heartbroken when I couldn't show her how much I appreciated her. I'd waited too long! (Don't get me wrong, I loved on her everyday and she knew it, but 75 is just so huge that I wanted to express how I felt in front of everyone. ) I would have wanted her to feel like a queen on her special day. I believe that's the reason why it was so important to put together a team and plan my own 50th birthday celebration this past August. I didn't want to miss another milestone or to leave it up to someone else to plan. I did for myself, what I couldn't do for her.
My Celebration of Sisterhood 50th Birthday Gala was about me, Yes......but it was also about Mommy. She loved to encourage women and my goal was to make certain that EVERY woman felt special that night in August. She was a church girl, but she loved to see others have a good time; so the African dance segment would have made her smile and shake her tail feathers. My mother was pure joy! She would pray with and for you, laugh with you, give you great big hugs, and call you Shuga. I am blessed to have been born to the wonderful, Nelda J. Mattison. These days whenever I pass a mirror, I see her profile. When I look back at footage of myself leading praise & worship, I get tickled because I notice her mannerisms. (Mommy was smooth with hers though, she could have been a lounge singer. Daddy used to say that she crooned.). In my encouragement of others, I can hear her whispers in my ear. That woman was my #1 cheerleader!!!
If she were here today, she would make sure that I was taking care of myself and not doing too much. If she were here, she would cry and praise God with every one of my accomplishments. In fact, she'd probably go crazy every time I went LIVE on a social media platform. "Look at you Baby, you are doing it. You sound like you know what you're talking about". (I'm sniggling & giggling right now, as I'm typing.)
As I look back at my birthday photos, I see Mommy strutting her stuff (in high heels, of course). The joy and sense of freedom I felt was a result of years of her pouring into me. She made certain that I didn't allow my insecurities to keep me fearful and unable to move forward. In fact, around her I had no insecurities. I was free to be my authentic self! Honey, if she could see my bald head today, she'd kiss it, anoint it with blessed oil and say "get it Girl". No mother-daughter rivalry here, just love and respect!!!! You may have never met my Mommy, but as I get older, I am meeting her again for the first time. I am Mommy and she is me! Happy birthday Mommy! I didn't make it to Philly to give you flowers, but I can smell the flowers in my garden bed and think of you!
I'm sharing my entire birthday photo album with you so you can see the joy of the women and my own joy as we celebrated one another. My joy is her joy, which boils down to the joy of the Lord!
So to all of you reading this, don't wait until the 'big" milestones to celebrate, learn that every DAY is BIG and worth celebrating.
Now walk it out....
Click HERE to view my full BD photo album.
