Sunday, October 6, 2019

Happy Heavenly Birthday to Nelda J. Mattison

Today, October 6th, Mommy would have celebrated her 81st birthday. Though I miss her like crazy, I do realize that she IS STILL WITH ME  and in me. I am her legacy!

When she didn't trust her own abilities, she kept telling me that the sky was the limit. I do big things, because she told me from Day 1 that I could do ANYTHING!

I am Nelda's babygirl and together, we still have things to do.

Here's a video describing the work that she and I are doing today.

Let's go Mommy, we still have things to accomplish. Love you so much and Happy birthday pretty girl.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Teaching is a MINISTRY....a letter to my students

This morning after opening my emails, I realized how many of my students were simply STRUGGLING as they were dealing with life issues.  They are trying to handle the rigors of college, while simultaneously trying to navigate the vicissitudes of life. The spirit was heavy on me to not only be their teacher, but to offer the healing power of compassion and a hug.

This is the email, I sent both of my classes a few minutes ago.  Please know that my goal is to be your "safe space" if you ever need one, as well.
Be blessed!
____________________________


I am writing this letter to both my Intro to AFAM class and my Gospel Music class...

In the last few days, I have received several emails from your classmates about life struggles.  Many of us are dealing with the hardships of life: the death of a loved one,  sickness of family members, your own illness, high stress levels and the list goes on and on.

I want to stop for a moment and encourage you.  Life is going to happen and sometimes those happenings really STINK!  The challenge is knowing how to come back after a setback.   Do you isolate yourself, stay in your dorm room and cry OR can you recognize that your classmates are struggling with their own life issues and are not scared if you need to leave class for a few moments to catch your breath?

When my father passed in January I told my Gospel music class (no problems), but by the time I told my Intro class, I was in tears. UGH!!!  I didn't mean to "lose control" in that moment, but it happened.  What was so comforting was your classmates (MY students) were so loving and comforting in that moment.  Many stayed to give a hug,  to offer "I'm praying for you" and others sent me an email message.  What a blessing!

Why do I mention this?  I want you to know that throughout your college career and life, you will experience hardship, struggle and loss BUT you don't have to run from it.  Share your feelings with someone you can trust and KNOW that you don't have to go through it alone.  I'm not afraid of tears and I won't run away if you choose to share that with me.

I mentioned, at the beginning of the semester, that my class is always intended to be that "safe space" where we can talk about 'race & class' without feeling judged or ashamed.  That's my job as a teacher.....to be a "safe space" for students as we navigate difficult topics in class.  But my job as a human being is to be a "safe space" for anyone who needs my help.  If I can't help you, I can definitely refer your to professional counselors.

So don't run from life, run towards those who can help you navigate life. 

Tomorrow is our last class before spring break.... Woohoo!  At the end of class tomorrow, I am available for a hug.  I just want you to know that you don't have to be depressed over spring break, but that someone cares for you.  So don't miss class tomorrow, bring your tissues if you need to and recognize that your classmate is going through their own life challenge, so there is NO time to judge you.  (Now, if you're sick.......keep your nasty germs at the house. Do not bring them to class.  I'm just sayin'......Ha!)

Blessings and enjoy the balance of the day.
Dr. C
______________________

Now walk it out...



Saturday, March 2, 2019

I’ve reclaimed February 28th!


This has been a physically exhausting and mentally draining week.  Last month, January 18th, Daddy took his last breath and life changed forever.  Although it may sound strange but, for a while, I felt as if I was alone in the world.  The 2 individuals who shared a love, which ultimately produced my 3 brothers and me, were both gone.  It’s an interesting feeling to say the least.  As I was speaking with one of my brothers, who shared the same sentiment, I realized that we received such a strong foundation from Mommy and Daddy that we had only ONE option….
It is now up to us to use THEIR foundation as OUR launching pad.  As I attempted to encourage him, I was actually encouraging myself and giving myself a “call to action”.

So my week went like this…. I had a cold when I led praise and worship, at my church, last Sunday.  By Sunday evening, the mucus had settled on my vocal cords and I was hoarse.  Monday morning, I caught a 5am flight from OKC to Philly to begin settling Daddy’s accounts and getting the rest of the furniture out of his apartment. (Praise God, we were able to bless people by GIVING Daddy’s items away.  No estate sale; just giving in LOVE.)  It was stressful, because the apartment needed to be cleared so we wouldn’t be charged for another month.   Although my aunts wanted me to stay with them, I needed to be at Daddy’s apartment to give myself closure.  As the apartment emptied, I realized that Daddy’s physical body was just a shell.  His spirit is what gave it life and I know that I carry a part of him with me.  Nevertheless, it was quite surreal to lock the apartment for the last time, to walk down the Parkview apartment hallway for the last time, to catch the slowest elevator (ever) for the last time, to check his mailbox for the last time and to turn his keys into the office.  This was it, but it wasn’t the end of the story!

My return flight back to Philly was leaving Wednesday, Feb. 27th  at 6 pm.  I needed to get back to OKC because the next day I had been invited to audition for a musical show (I shall not say the name.) and Byron and I had to drive out of town to make the audition appointment.

So let’s go back….

Just a few weeks earlier, I’d heard a commercial on satellite radio about auditioning for a show that we love to watch.  You know when you’re watching shows like that and people say “ you should be there”, I would always brush it under the rug because I was simply afraid to put myself out there. This year, I reminded myself what I’d been preaching all of 2018….my one word…..FEARLESS.  So I opened the website and immediately began the online submission.  I answered questions, had to record myself singing, upload another video and choose an audition city.  Well of course I chose the City closest to me.  What was funny to me .... the date of the audition was Feb. 28th.   
February 28th, 6 years ago, my mother died.  February 28th is also the last day to get Daddy’s things out of his Philadelphia apartment.   February 28th ; Really?!….I JUST HAD TO DO IT!
There was still no guarantee, but I was proud of myself for putting myself out there.  I honestly didn’t think I’d advance because I was sick when I recorded my video.  But then last week, I received a call from a casting agent inviting me to go to the next step…the live audition. Oh my!

So here I was landing back in OKC @midnight on Wednesday (still hoarse), greeting my family, washing a load of clothes, repacking my suitcase and waking up at 4am Thursday so Byron and I could drive to the audition City. What a crazy 24 hours!!!

We arrived in the city an hour before my audition.  I went in Target to change into my outfit and to get a medicine ball tea from Starbucks.  #stillhoarse Ugh!  This whole thing is just so funny to me!  I walked into the hotel, got my legal packet, and sat and waited as I talked to other individuals who would be auditioning.  I smiled, I talked, I laughed, I COUGHED, I listened and watched the other contestants either talking nonstop out of nervousness or sitting quietly.  I listened to stories of how some of them had auditioned in previous seasons or had gone to other musical shows to audition.  In my group, they were so much younger than myself and had this youthful bravado (remember, I am 47 and fabulous).  They talked about warming up and doing vocal acrobatics that morning and I’m laughing to myself....Geesh, I’m just trying to clear this crud off of my vocal cords.  I was so far out of my element, but I was meant to be there!

Anyway, they called me back.  I would have under 60 seconds to sing 2 songs.  Wait, WHAT?!  It usually takes me a whole verse to even feel the song.  Anyway, I walked into the room, stepped into the green box, stood on the yellow square and introduced myself.  Nervous yes, but before I sang I said, “ Six years ago today my mother transitioned, I know she is right here with me and I’m going to sing one of her original songs”.   One lady at the table asked the name of the song, I told her ”So glad He came” and began to sing.  Y’all when I started the 1st line, I knew I was off…I trembled and then cracked twice throughout the delivery.  But a sista kept going. Ha! I recovered and finished the song, but I knew that when you made it to this level, there was NO room for any flaws.  I stepped out of the room quickly and they called me back in to say graciously, “thank you, but not at this time”.  I smiled, said thank you and proceeded to grab my things.  As I was about to leave the room, the same woman who’d asked the title of the song said, “I’m sorry for your loss, it must be difficult for you”.  I thanked her, stepped out of the room, called Byron to pick me up and walked back to the faces of the group that I’d just sat with.  I told them I didn’t advance, but blessings to them.

I replayed the words in my head….“I’m sorry for your loss, it must be difficult for you”.  And I thought to myself, ma’am you don’t know the half…I’d mentioned my mother in the audition, but I hadn’t told them that I had just buried my father 6 WEEKS ago.  The funny thing was……I wasn’t struggling at the moment!  I stood in my agency and sang a song of Mommy’s and did something that she would have NEVER thought she was good enough to do.  Auditioning that day was not about making it to the final stage (although it would have been pretty cool… I’m not gonna lie); it was about me reclaiming February 28th, not as a day of mourning BUT rather a day of celebration as I stood in my own truth.  I was fearless, confident, calm and yes, hoarse.  I cracked and recovered.  I exited with my head up and wished others well.  Then Byron and I went shopping. Ha!
I am grateful for the experience!  I stepped out of my comfort zone to do something that, before last year, would have never had the guts to do.  I put Mommy’s music out there into the atmosphere and I’m sure she smiled and nudged Daddy, saying, ‘look out our girl…I always knew she was pretty gutsy’.

Why do I tell you this? ……………to encourage you of course.

Death of a loved one is a funny thing.  You go through so many emotions and sometimes, if you’re not careful, you get lost in your loss.  I have realized that with the transition of Mommy, 6 years ago, and Daddy, just 6 weeks ago, I can’t allow it to swallow me up.  Yes, I miss them.  Yes, I love them.  Yes, I’m tripping because I can’t pick up the phone and call them.  Especially with Daddy! I think I had pretty much accepted Mommy’s death after all of these years; but I was just in Philly with Daddy flying back and forth making sure he was doing alright.  In just 2 1/2 months, he was gone; now I was left with the honor of settling his affairs.  Just crazy!

Many of us are in this sandwich generation and realize that our parents will not be here forever.  We know that is true, but now I KNOW it as a reality.  It stinks and stings, but it’s part of the circle of life.  We can choose to crawl up in a corner, shrivel up and die, trapped in the sorrowful memories of death OR we can use the strong foundation and leap, celebrating the memories of a life well lived.  I choose to leap and I invite you to do the same.

The audition wasn’t the beginning for me.  Filling out the online application was my #SHIFT.  Making myself vulnerable for a few moments has bolstered me into going after even bigger things in the future.  I am no longer afraid!  My parents prayed too much, fasted too long and cried too loudly for me to just sit here and become immobilized by grief or fear.  The farther I go, the more I bring honor to their names.  I didn’t get here alone….James and Nelda Mattison submitted themselves to God and sacrificed for Dr. Sharri Lor Mattison Coleman to walk in her truth and be the ‘bomb-dot-com’(oh yes I am).  I know I will have moments of sadness and might cry when I talk about them, but I will not crumble.  I will stand in my truth and honor them as I honor the God in me.

February 28th and January 18th are still great days on the calendar.  I invite you to reclaim whatever your date is.  Do something you’ve never done before. Go somewhere you’ve never been before.  Allow that day to be the beginning of a new YOU!

                                                                 Now walk it out...