As
Mother’s Day 2013, quickly approaches, realizing that this will be the first
year that I don’t have my Mommy to celebrate with, several questions enter my
mind.
1.
How should I feel since Mommy is not here? Afterall, she is my mother and this day is
set aside to honor all mothers.
2.
Should I just boycott the day and all of its
celebrations?
3.
Should I cry every time someone says “Happy
Mother’s Day”?
4.
If I am actually happy on that day, will I
dishonor her memory?
These
questions are all based upon the “voices in my head” that are constantly
ringing. There have been so many people
that have shared their experience with me of losing their mother. “
Girl, after my mother died, I just fell apart.
I cried all day, every day”.
They meant well, but oftimes they would impose their experience on me,
as if that should also by experience.
So
if I don’t go through or feel the same way, do I love my mother any less?
Well,
of course not!
This
Mother’s Day I CHOOSE to celebrate life like never before. My mother lit up this earth for 74 years.
She
lived.
She
taught.
She
encouraged.
She
prayed.
She
fasted.
She
uplifted.
She corrected.
She
cheered.
She
cried.
She
sang.
She
wrote.
She
walked.
She
danced.
She
praised.
She
kissed.
She
cuddled.
She
wiped.
She
loved.
She
poured herself daily and unselfishly into so many others, so that we could
experience the many joys of life. She
instilled confidence in me, so that I would be strong enough to go out into the
world and conquer it.
Shouldn’t
I be depressed and devastated that she is no longer physically present in my
life? I could be, but I choose not to
be.
I
CHOOSE to celebrate the part of Mommy that lives in me. Even as she lay on her deathbed, she was
unselfish. She began calling the names
of each of her children: Barry, Garry, Sharri and Torre and prayed for us. She was pouring out of her spirit and still
speaking into our lives; the same way she had always done, since we were children. And when it was finally time to say goodbye
and she was done pouring out…she allowed Daddy to pour into her. On that glorious day of PEACE, Daddy rubbed
her forehead and sang to her a sweet melody.
She stopped long enough to allow him to bless her, before she departed this
earthly home and changed residence to her Heavenly home.
Again
I ask, should I be disheartened?
NO.
I
miss her, but I know that she has simply changed positions. Instead of getting on her knees, alongside
the bed, or sitting upright in a chair praying, she now sits at the right hand
of the Father pointing down at us.
“Lord, do you see my husband James down there and my
children and grandbabies? Oh look at Momma, she looks
so good ... Nita and Celestine take good care of her. Please continue to bless them Father. Allow James to feel you God, especially since
I am not in the apartment with him. Well
actually, I guess I am…
Do you see where he hung my plaque and our
wedding picture? Right at the front door! He really does love me!
Lord, I just can’t wait to see the mirror that he is going to hang up, behind
the couch; the one that we talked about getting. I know that he is going to be alright,
because the kids are going to look after him and make sure that he is
well. Oh yeah Lord… that was pretty
righteous how you hooked up my baby boy with a great opportunity. Yes God, I can't help but sing your praises ALL day,
because you’ve been so good!”
Sad? Maybe a little...
But still rejoicing because since I was introduced to Nelda J. Mattison, nearly 42
years ago, my life has been blessed. She
poured out and into me, so that I, in turn, could pour into others.
I love you Mommy and I say, Happy Mother’s
Day! Knowing you the way that I do, you
have probably written another little song or ditty to all of those who were
once earthly mothers. How do I know
this? Because that’s just you!
I’m head over
heels in love with you Mommy!
Your
# 1 and only baby-girl,
Sharri
Lor
